| May 5, 2006 - Woman's intuition my ass |
| Dear Friends, I had a very upsetting thing happen to me recently. But before I tell you, let me just say that I've encountered a couple of freaks since I last wrote. The first one was a teenage boy who got on the subway wearing a dress and the second was a black man with a full beard who was wearing a white woman's auburn wig. That said, a couple of Sundays ago, my friend Susan took me to The Happy Heifer for my birthday. Now, I knew Susan had been a bit down lately and so I had been trying to spend time with her. So we eat, we drink, we make merry and then head back home. Susan knows that I'm interested in buying my apartment, but I had told her a few weeks ago that Pablo isn't certain he wants to buy it with me. Well, the Sunday we went out together I asked her what the regulations are regarding people buying a house together. Do they each take out half the mortgage? Do they each get equal tax benefits? Etc., etc., etc. Before I go further, let me tell you that Susan is having some issues with her longtime boyfriend. Also, she's been getting professional help to sort out these issues. Well, on the way back home she said to me, "JOHNNYLEEN, women process things differently than men. We actually remember conversations we've had and then are able to deduce things from them. For example, I know that your relationship with Pablo is no different from mine with Ray." "How's that?" I asked. "Both of you are manipulative," she answered. Immediately the "WHATTHEFUCK" alarm bells started jangling in my head! "What do you mean?" I asked her. "Well, just last Sunday you were telling me that Pablo wasn't certain he wanted to buy the apartment with you. And now you're asking how two unrelated and unmarried people share a mortgage. That shows me that within a week you've manipulated him into buying the condo with you." Dear Friends, let me let you in on a little secret Susan was not aware of. Pablo himself asked me how a mortgage is shared between two people. He still isn't certain he wants to buy. I simply told him I would try to find out. "That's not true," I answered, my voice starting to get all loud and defensive. "Yes it is!" she blubbered. "Like all women, I listen to conversations and remember them from one moment to the next. You've manipulated him into buying that condo with you!" Well, dear friends, things just rapidly deteriorated from there what with her so-called woman's intuition going all haywire and such. We stumbled out of the subway out onto the street and the shouting continued with me finally saying something that hurt her feelings. She stopped and stood there blinking in surprise at me. "JOHNNYLEEN, I can't believe you would hurt me that way." Then suddenly JOHNNYLEEN, being a compassionate being and clearly the more level-headed of the two of us, said, "Susan, I'm sorry. I think we both just need to say that we've been drinking and we're both a little bitchy right now. But just let me give you the details, because you don't know that whole story." And so I explained to her that the mortgage and tax question had been Pablo's, not mine. Do you know what she said? Well, let me tell you. "Oh. You didn't tell me that." Dear Friends, why should I have done? Shouldn't her faaaaaabulous woman's intuition have supplied all the missing details? Shouldn't she have been able to intuit what I was even wearing the day Pablo and I had the conversation? Honey child, if that's woman's intuition, then she needs to return it to the shop to have it fine-tuned! Anyhoo, we parted friends with all the ruffled feathers smoothed over. But as we said good-bye, she said, "JOHNNYLEEN, today was soooo much fun. Let's start going out together every Sunday!" I simply smiled and said, "Yes, it was fun" while thinking "Hell, no, we won't be doing this every Sunday!" Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |