| April 4, 2003 - An email from my mother |
| Dear Friends, I got an unusual email from my mother today. Normally she just writes to say, "I did this and I did that." "What are you up to?" "What are your plans for the weekend?" You know, maternal stuff. Well today she sent me an email in which she recounted a dream she had just had while taking an afternoon nap. For some reason I found it really funny, so I'm reproducing it here for you. "I just woke up and it is 80 in here. I just got the a/c working. I feel like I've been run over by a freight train. I dreamed I just wanted to get away so I flew by myself to Dallas. I wanted to just walk around the main part of it to see what I could see. I was just wandering around and 2 women and a man stopped me. One of the women told me she knew who I was. She told me and then she told me she knew J. (my mom's sister) too and didn't I know who she was. I didn't. I can't remember if she ever told me her name but she said she knew us from the second grade. LOL. I hung around with them and we went to a restaurant to eat and the waiter painted fingernails and things with little red knobs at the ends of his fingers. I had a glass of tea and we waited for the waiter to come back and take our orders. He finally did and he just told us what they served. I decided since it didn't matter how much money I spent, I ordered a filet. We decided to get up while waiting for our orders to go to the restroom and we passed a picture of the United States and we stopped to look and see where Dallas was. The man with them was really obnoxious as we were suddenly back at the table and I was trying to figure out if I was in Miami or Dallas because that was the only 2 places that the airline flew. I don't remember any more. While talking to the woman who knew us, I told her I couldn't believe I hadn't changed since the second grade. Now how crazy can dreams get!!! LOL. Love, Mom" All I can say, Dear Readers, is I want some of whatever she drank before she took her nap! Hee hee hee! Now perhaps one of you business-savvy people out there can take her dream and capitalize on it by introducing the concept of manicurist waiters and waitresses. While waiting for your meal you can get your nails painted. Actually, take it a step further and introduce wait staff that give you massages and haircuts. Hell, why not just have a bikini wax while you're at it! I think the whole idea is brilliant, but on second thought someone in Hollywood has probably already tried it. Speaking of which, I must tell you all about this weird woman from California I met while I was in graduate school at the Second Big Name University. At that time I had a friend, Crystal (who turned out to be horrible, but that's another story), whose sister, Sonya, was coming to visit. Nothing would do but that I had to have coffee with Crystal and Sonya on a Sunday morning soon after Sonya's arrival. I went to Crystal's dorm room and knocked. Crystal flung open the door and screeched in only the way that she could screech, "JOHNNYLEEN! I'm so happy to have you meet my wonderful, wonderful sister Sonya!" Well, just between you and me, Crystal had always dressed a bit garishly, but Sonya outdid her by a mile! Picture this if you will.....a 28 year old woman wearing a dress from the 1930's, with big clunky 1930 shoes as well. The whole outfit was pink and white. Around her shoulders was some fringey shawl or something and on her head was a TURBAN with a PEACOCK FEATHER bouncing around on it! She shook my hand in this limp-wristed kind of way that indicated that she thought I should kiss her hand rather than shake it. But wait! It gets better! We headed off for coffee and as we walked along Sonya just kept yapping about how progressive people in California are compared with the East Coast. She then went on to say that several of her friends were really into colonic irrigation and that it really helped them to feel enlightened and relaxed. She turned to me and asked, "Do you believe it enlightens you? Have you ever tried it?" At which point JOHNNYLEEN asked, "Are you saying that your friends like to have enemas?" "That's right," she said. "Well," I answered, "I haven't tried it so I can't judge the enlightenment factor." Then it suddenly dawned on me that what she was really saying was that she herself enjoyed them and that she was perhaps feeling me out for a potential duet a l'enema! I was soooo glad after we drank our coffee that they didn't ask me to hang out with them the rest of the day. Dear Friends, what would I have done if I had gone back to Crystal's room and Sonya opened her suitcase and I saw that it was crammed full of assorted enema bags and bottles of Fleet? I can just picture her Sunday-best enema bag encrusted with mother-of-pearl! Or her downhome enema bag with "Bless This House" and geese cross-stitched onto it! Lordie! Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |