| November 24, 2004 - K.'s drunken brunch birthday |
| Dear Friends, this past Sunday several of us got together to celebrate my wild fiiend K.'s birthday with a big ol' drunken brunch. And what a wild time we had! There was K. and me, of course, and Brenda, Madge, Melanie, Darwin, Sam, and Clyde. After four pitchers of mimosas, the women in the group suddenly started talking about sexual topics ranging from bikini waxes to vibrators. It was like my own private episode of "Sex in the City"! Brenda started out by talking about bikini waxes and how you should never give one to yourself. She went on to say that when she's at the salon, she lies back and moves everything to the right. Then, after the waxerette has removed the wax, she shoves everything to the left and the right side is done. Frankly, I never realized that portion of the female anatomy was moveable and it sounds a bit like some kind of freaky Mrs. Potato Head with all those removeable body parts! Well then the topic turned to vibrators and Madge told us about a vibrator that spins around and around. At the same time it has some sort of device at the top that protrudes and spins around, too. So I looked at her and said, "What you've just described sounds like a Braun handmixer." JOHNNYLEEN will never be able to look at his Braun handmixer the same again after that conversation. Well, then, dear Friends, K. decided to imitate for us what it would look like if you were using a vibrator that doubled as a back scratcher! He was writhing his body around and jiggling up and down; it was really funny and we just laaaaaffed! At one point Madge started laughing really hard and spewed water all over her top and I said, "Madge, you look like you're lactating!" And she replied, "No, it would look like two streaks down my shirt if I were." And I said, "Not if you had eight nipples." She also had this poncho thingie that she put on when she got cold that I started calling her "web of deceit". I also referred to it as her "sensory web" though I'm not certain anyone got that little reference to that old Star Trek episode. For you fans, it was the episode with the ambassador that was so ugly only his assistant could be in his presence; and that was only because she was totally blind and wore a sensory web to determine where she was in relation to all the objects in a room. Now I told all of you some time ago that JOHNNYLEEN can't drink nearly as much as he used to. So after a few hours, I had to leave and head home. I found out later that Brenda was accosted by this guy who wanted to discuss quantum physics with her, but she said he was really boring. Go figure...I would have thought quantum physics would be the perfect conversational topic on a drunken Sunday afternoon with a total stranger! So he left her alone after a bit. She said he seemed to get bored, but knowing Brenda the way I do, she probably couldn't hide how bored she was with the topic and he realized it. Speaking of odd things. You know how I'm always running into freaks, right? Well, I was at Borders Books earlier today in the children's section to buy stuff for my friends' child in Germany. There was a guy in there with his shoes off and a hairstyle (i.e. dirty) that made me think he was homeless or something. Anyway, he was sitting on one of those children's chairs in the children's section reading. I thought he was reading a children's book, but I really didn't look that closely. Anyway, as I moved among the shelves, I suddenly heard him laughing. He was laughing so hard he couldn't even stop, so I figured he must be reading something really funny. I walked past him and surreptitiously glanced at the book he found so funny. Dear Friends, it was a book on the Kabalah! Oh, those whacky Jewish mystics! Who would have thought that Talmudic exigesis would be so amusing? Well, dear Friends, I'll take this opportunity to remind all of you that I will be leaving Thanksgiving Day for Good Ol' Germany. All of you have a pleasant and booze-filled Thanksgiving, ya hear now? Next entry Previous entry Go to diary entries Go back home |