| JOHNNYLEEN once worked as a contractor for what he can only describe as a BUMBLING BUREAUCRACY (BB). I'm sure all of you know what I mean; a place where the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing. However, in this case not only did the hands not know what one another was doing, the feet were completely unaware as well. And you may as well forget about the fingers and toes knowing anything! And as far as thinking things through, let's just say that the managers were thinking more through a body part further down than their heads. Before I tell you of an "amusing" incident at BB, let me describe for you one of its employees, who, in my humble opinion, was quite typical of the average one there. This employee, I'll call her Betty, once told me that in Texas it was illegal to have sex with sheep because sheep can have semi-human babies. I asked her if she had read that in the "National Enquirer" and she said she might have. You see, she collected "National Enquirer's" and as she got together a bundle of them, she would ship them off to her mother to read, who was in a mental hospital. Well, perhaps she was in the institution from having read too much of that garbage to begin with! In addition, some time after that Betty told me that her boyfriend (who was from South America and claimed that he had been a film star, medical doctor, and engineer while living there) told her that if you needed help with your digestion, you should drink a half cup of Clorox mixed with a half cup of water. Now JOHNNYLEEN would like to believe that all of you, his Dear Readers, would recognize such a combination as a recipe for disaster with a side order of tragedy. And what do you think about all of his professions while in South America? He was only about 35 at the time that I heard this, so don't you think it rather improbable that he had led such a multi-careered life? Do you have just the sneakiest suspicion that he was trying to overwhelm her with his "successes" just so he could get into her knickers? So now my amusing story. This particular BB had a woman, Mrs. Tomias, who ran an office that was in charge of All Things Written. JOHNNYLEEN's job as a contractor at the time was to read over user's manuals, office correspondence, etc. to ensure that the grammar was correct and that the communications actually made sense. I kept correcting the word "programmer" over and over again, because the admin. assistants kept spelling it "programer". Imagine my surprise when one of the assistants finally got ticked off and showed me a manual of style issued by the Office Concerning All Things Written, headed by Mrs. Tomias. Mrs. Tomias had signed the cover page of the manual advocating its use and saying how consistent it would make everything, hype, hype, and more hype. It was a beautiful blue binder with a drawing of the head of a very happy white woman on it. Next to her floated the head of an equally happy black woman with an immense afro. I guess they were just delighted that the Office Concerning All Things Written had issued specific guidelines, in which they could find that "mot juste" for any circumstance requiring writing. Anyhoo, this book said that one should spell "programmer" "programer" and "subpoena" should be "subpena"; among other "alternative" spellings of words. I was dumbfounded! I looked in a dictionary and, sure enough, "programer" was listed as an alternative, but not preferred, spelling. I was equally dumbfounded that no one had ever bothered showing me this style manual while expecting me to correct written material! So JOHNNYLEEN began letting such spellings go past since the Office Concerning All Things Written had decreed them valid. Then after about a week or two, Mrs. Tomias (remember she was the head of All Things Written) sent out a scathing memo asking why people were spelling "programmer" "programer" and demanding that they spell it "programmer"! Had JOHNNYLEEN not been lowly contractor scum, he would have sent her a polite memo pointing out to her that the very style manual she had issued and signed demanded that one spell the word "programer" and suggesting that she might actually want to read material before signing her name to it.. Don't things like that just bug you, Dear Readers? Believe me, I have plenty of other similar stories that I know you're dying to read. However, they will have to wait till another time; just to keep you checking back often! Go to important matters Go back home |
| The Bumbling Bureaucracy |