| Women at buffets |
| Dear Friends, there has been an Important Matter on my mind for some time now that I've wanted to expound upon; namely, women at buffets. I absolutely cannot stand to get behind a woman at a buffet! May I just explain why? It's because they pick through the food and have to examine every single item before they can make up their damned minds that they want it or not! Dear Readers, JOHNNYLEEN works in a place that has its own cafeteria. Part of it is set up where you can place a food order to be prepared, but the remainder consists of a hot and cold buffet. I've seen women standing at that buffet searching for just that right kernel of corn to the point that I just want to scream. I asked my co-worker, Lynetta, about this one time and she said, "Well, I don't want to get something that's not cooked just right. And if it's a piece of meat, I don't want to get one that's too large or too small." Why? Do you honestly think that if a piece of meat is one millionth of a nanometer larger than what you want that it will go to your waist? I've also seen women picking through mixed vegetables to get only those items that they want. Now, if JOHNNYLEEN is thinking about getting mixed vegetables and they happen to have lima beans in them, do you think he shovels the food around to only get those things he likes? NO HE DOESN'T! If it has lima beans in it, HE JUST DOESN'T GET THE MIXED VEGETABLES! Then at the drink machines it's even more ludicrous. I've seen women toying around trying to get just the right amount of ice in their cups. First it's too full, so they pour some of the ice out only to find that they now don't have enough. So they keep filling the cup and emptying it until the ice is just at that perfect level! Where do you ladies get this from? Did your mothers teach you that? Did they sit down with you one day and say, "You're old enough now for me to give you the details on how to irritate men."? Not only that, they then sort through the cup lids, all of which are the same size, to pick just that particular one that they have a fancy for! How do you ladies determine that? Do you divide your age by pi and then count down that number from the top of the stack of lids? STOP IT! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THAT! And I can't even begin to describe the irritation I feel when they finally get in line to pay. Women never have their wallets handy when they get to a cash register! What are you thinking? Do you think you've won the lottery and the food is going to be free today? I understand why women don't have wallets out at a bank machine where someone could snatch it and run, but in a private cafeteria? Do you really think I'm going to grab your wallet, rush past the guards with a tray full of food, and make my escape by elevator? And then, Dear Friends, when they find out the price of the food, there's an agonizing search for just the right amount. So if the meal is $4.34, do they give the cashier a $5.00 bill? No, they rummage around through those steamer trunks they call a purse until they find exactly $4.34! They say it's because they don't want to have a lot of loose change, but they certainly don't seem to mind hauling around tons of snotty tissues and eyebrow pencils! And if there's more than one woman at the buffet or cash register, you may as well eat your food there and then before it gets cold, because you'll never get out! At the food tables they yack and yack about the choices and whether or not they know how to prepare the various dishes. Then at the cash register they're too busy gossiping with one another to realize that it's their turn to pay. And, of course, that then leads to the purse rummaging ordeal as they try to talk and count money at the same time! So once again, I beg of you, STOP IT! The great and powerful JOHNNYLEEN has spoken! Go to important matters Go back home |