I'll settle for you, chapter 5.

Zoicyte aka Johnnyjosh

Warnings; Language, Yaoi, het this chapter, strange.

Notes; Weirdness, insanity, humor (at least I think some of it's funny, anyway), some MAJOR OOC, WAFFY, sap and silliness in places, AU, THIS IS BASED ON THE ANIME. I guess this takes place when Bra is like, 16, Goten and Trunks are like, 27 and 28 respectively, and Pan is about 14. You'll have to excuse me if I make a few mistakes with plot and characters, I've only seen DBZ up until the cell saga.

Rating; NC-17.

Pairing; Piccolo + Vegeta.

Description; Vegeta and Piccolo try to deal with the little bundle of joy on the way.

Disclaimer; Don't own 'em, not makin' any money.

Notes; Thanks to Lara, extra special thanks to Jari S for the help with my questions.

"Denotes speaking"

*Denotes thoughts*

Piccolo and Vegeta sat together on the bed for several minutes, murmuring endearments and cuddling, until Piccolo composed himself enough to rejoin their guests. They quietly rose from the bed and walked over to the bedroom door.

Vegeta opened the door, and jumped in surprise as Bulma fell to the floor at his feet. The startled Saiyan raised his eyes and met a pair of icy blue ones that belonged to Juuhachigou, who stood in the doorway staring wide-eyed at him.

"Just what in the hell are you two doing?!" Vegeta demanded, whirling around in annoyance at Piccolo, who was chuckling quietly. "And just what are you laughing at?" Vegeta asked, hands fisted on his hips.

"Gee Vegeta, you didn't mind when you found out I'd stood there watching you two having sex." Juuhachigou began, smirking as Piccolo abruptly stopped laughing and began to blush. "So why does it bother you that we heard you two confessing your feelings to each other?" Now it was Vegeta's turn to blush. "Whatever." The jinzoningen said disinterestedly, walking back out to the living room.

"Well.....uhh......hmm......." Bulma stammered and tried to speak as she picked herself up off the floor, brushing off her clothes, blushing wildly, and not looking either of them in the eye. "I...umm...."

"Don't worry about it, just go see if everybody's doing alright." Piccolo said quietly. Bulma raced back to the living room gratefully.

"Piccolo, what did you do that for?" Vegeta said, frowning and crossing his arms.

Piccolo laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around Vegeta and kissing his neck. "Because I know the only thing you wanted to do was revel in her embarrassment."

"Yes, and your point is?" Vegeta demanded petulantly.

Piccolo threw back his head and laughed. "We've got enough to worry about with Videl, Chi-Chi and Lunch out there. We don't need more whacked out females on our hands."

"Hmm, well alright then, good point." Vegeta conceded.

As they entered the living room, both warriors noticed the strange looks everyone was giving them.

"What are you looking at!" Vegeta snapped.

"We're done eating," Juunanigou said softly, "and we're waiting to see Piccolo open all these lovely presents." He waved his hand gracefully to indicate the mountain of gifts in the corner of the room.

"Oh." Vegeta said, a little embarrassed at his overreaction.

"Well," The jinzoningen said, placing his hands on his hips and shifting his weight to one side. "Are we or aren't we?" He purred. All in the room couldn't help being affected by his feline grace, and the hint of sexuality that touched all of his movements.

"Sure." Piccolo said quickly, trying not to stare as Juunanigou slowly walked across the room.

Even Goku was affected by the sexy cyborg. *I never noticed that before.* Goku thought, his brow furrowing slightly. *He carries himself a lot like Vegeta, a lot of power in a slight frame, always under perfect control.* The tall Saiyan couldn't seem to help himself as his eyes wandered slowly up and down the jinzoningen's body, shown off to perfection in tight black jeans, and a simple black T-shirt which clung to his frame like a second skin. Goku's lips parted slightly as his eyes made one more trip up and down Juunanigou's body.

The Saiyan's careful appraisal was not lost on Piccolo or Vegeta.

*You know, I think we can work with this.* Piccolo transmitted to Vegeta.

*It certainly would solve our problem wouldn't it?* Vegeta's thought came to him.

Piccolo looked over to the dining room, where Gohan was helping Bulma and Juuhachigou clean up. He was shocked to catch his former pupil staring at him, his face full of longing and sadness. Much as his father's had been earlier when looking at Vegeta. *Oh shit! What's wrong with Gohan?* He thought frantically as Gohan spun around and busied himself with wiping down the counters.

*Really Piccolo, you don't know?* Vegeta's voice was snide in his head. *The same thing that's wrong with his father of course.*

*What are we going to do Vegeta?* Piccolo asked plaintively *I can see us trying to hook up Goku and Juun, but what about Gohan?*

Vegeta sighed out loud, then his voice shouted inside Piccolo's head, making the tall Namek wince. *Piccolo! Don't be so dense! Haven't you even noticed the way his ex-wife has been steadily moping around mooning over him ever since she arrived? Come on! It's obvious that deep down inside, she is still hopelessly in love with him.*

*Videl?!* Piccolo whirled to stare wide-eyed at Vegeta.

*Of course! Why not?* Vegeta shot back.

*How in the hell are we going to do that?* Piccolo demanded.

*Well, that's a good question. * Vegeta paused, looking over at the woman in question, who was sitting with her father but chatting with Chi-Chi across the coffee table. *First we have to split up the gruesome twosome.* Vegeta snickered, then grew serious. *They feed off each other's bitterness and anger. By spending so much time together they keep their anger and sense of betrayal alive. If only there was a way to get them to stop hanging around together for a while.* Vegeta mused. *Hmm......* Vegeta chuckled evilly. *I think I know..*

*Vegeta..What are you up to?* Piccolo draped an arm across Vegeta's shoulders and gave him a firm squeeze.

Vegeta smiled slyly at him. *Oh.....nothing much..not really. I've got a plan, I'll tell you all about it after everyone's gone.*

Piccolo nodded, agreeing to wait. The two quickly took their seats at the window.

"So," Juunanigou walked over to them, carefully depositing a huge brightly albeit somewhat clumsily wrapped present in front of Piccolo. "this one is from Goku."

Vegeta and Piccolo both looked at Goku and smiled.

Juunanigou turned and shot a sidelong glance at the tall handsome Saiyan as well. *Hmm.....* The jinzoningen's cool blue eyes bored into Goku's black ones, his lips turning up into a slight smile that made Goku blush.

Piccolo and Vegeta locked eyes and nodded once, grinning. *That'll work!* They thought in unison.

"Piccolo!" Vegeta cried, exasperated. Everyone turned to find Piccolo pulling the wrapping paper apart with infinite care. "That's not how you do it!" He reached for the present, and Piccolo dragged it out of the irate Saiyan Prince's reach, growling softly, nervous laughter coming from a few people.

Juunanigou chuckled softly. He leaned over, sticking his rear out in Goku's direction suggestively, unable to see the gleam that appeared in the large Saiyan's eyes as they fastened on his denim clad derriere. "This is supposed to be fun, not a time consuming chore. Here Piccolo, allow Vegeta and I to demonstrate the proper technique for opening presents." He kneeled on the floor on one side of the present, and Vegeta jumped up and ran around the other side. They exchanged glances and nodded, grinning like idiots.

Gales of laughter came from all over the room as people watched Juunanigou and Vegeta eagerly tearing the wrapping from the gift like two kids on Christmas morning. Even Piccolo was snickering. Bulma Bra Pan Lunch and Juuhachigou leaned on the counter, leaning on each other as they giggled. Even Chi-Chi and Videl were laughing hard enough to bring tears to their eyes. The rest of the Z fighters, Master Roshi, Ox King Oolong and Mr. Satan were hanging off their chairs laughing hysterically. Puar and Turtle were on the floor out of breath.

At last the present was revealed. It was a rocking chair, but not just any rocking chair. Vegeta gaped at the enormous piece of furniture in shock. The chair looked like it was hand carved out of oak, finished to perfection. The chair was built extra large, and reinforced extra well.

"There's only one person here that would fit in that chair." Juunanigou said softly. He turned and pinned Goku with his icy gaze. "Very thoughtful of you Goku."

Goku grinned, blushing and putting his hand to the back of his head as he laughed. "Well, you know, I always saw Chi-Chi sitting in a rocking chair when she fed Gohan, or just wanted to rock him to sleep. But I thought Piccolo might have a few problems with a standard size chair, so I thought he should have one just his size." Everyone smiled at the tall, and now thoroughly embarrassed Saiyan, impressed by the thoughtful gesture.

Juunanigou rose gracefully from the floor and strode over to the pile of presents once more, pretending not to notice Goku's eyes following his movements. "Let's see what else we have here." He picked up another large present, the one Mr. Satan had been struggling with earlier. "This one is from Videl Pan and Mr. Satan." He smiled as he gently placed it in front of Piccolo.

Vegeta glared sideways at his lover. "Are you going to unwrap it, or play with it this time?" He asked snidely. "Hey!" A graceful hand caught the off-guard Prince as Juunanigou gently cuffed the Saiyan up side the head. Vegeta jumped to his feet and got up in the jinzoningen's face, scowling at him.

"Hey hey you two, cut it out! Let Piccolo open the gift already." Goku quickly made his way across the room and grasped Juunanigou's arm gently. "Come on, let's stand over here, and wait until we can dish out the next ones." He said, looking down at the cyborg shyly.

The tall Saiyan's actions were not lost on Piccolo and Vegeta, who looked at each other and smiled as they realized they didn't have to bother setting those two up. Nor was it lost on Juunanigou himself, who began coyly twirling his hair around his fingers as he leaned up against Goku's muscular arm. Goku looked down as the jinzoningen's body pressed up against him and blushed wildly.

Piccolo chuckled and shredded the wrapping paper, sending scraps of it all over everybody as laughter filled the room once more. As the present was revealed, there were whispers and an embarrassed silence. It was a rocking chair, almost exactly the same as Piccolo's right down to the finish.

"What's everybody so quiet about, it's an excellent gift. Now Piccolo and Vegeta both have a chair to sit with the baby in." Juunanigou pointed out.

"Yeah!" Mr. Satan said defensively. "Vegeta would be pretty uncomfortable in a chair that size." He said, pointing to it's larger counterpart.

"That's right." Piccolo said, eyeing both chairs. "He would too. Thank you. I would have forgotten all about that until it was too late." He said, wrapping an arm around Vegeta and pulling him close.

Goku moved his arm out of Juunanigou's grasp and draped it over the cyborg's slender shoulders, causing Chi-Chi and Videl to gape at him. The rest of the room merely shrugged, already knowing about Goku's longstanding infatuation with Vegeta. They were happy he was taking this so well and considering moving on. Goku looked down at the jinzoningen, thinking over all the things he'd said and done since coming to the party. *He's like Vegeta, but without the harsh edges.* Goku mused. *He's so great in social situations too. He always seems to know what to say or do to put people at ease and avoid arguments and stuff.* He squeezed Juunannigou's shoulders gently, earning himself a smoldering look that made him blush from the roots of his hair to his shirt collar at it's suggestiveness.

"So..." Juunanigou said, reluctant to move away from Goku but also unwilling to let anyone else hand out presents.

"Hey, I've got an idea, let's hand them out together! You give one to Vegeta, and I'll give one to Piccolo. Then they both get to have fun unwrapping them."

"That's an excellent idea Goku." Juunanigou purred, sliding his fingers down Goku's chest suggestively. Goku blushed again, and realized that everyone in the room including Vegeta and Piccolo were staring at them.

"Uh...yeah....well! Let's get those presents out!" Goku laughed nervously.

"This one's from me." Juunanigou said, handing a large package to Vegeta, who nodded and thanked him.

"And this one's from Goten." Goku said, handing one to Piccolo who turned to Goku's youngest and thanked him as well.

As the paper was again shredded, Piccolo held up a baby swing, and Vegeta held up two presents, a mobile, with soft foam animals in bright primary colors, that would turn slowly as music played when you wound it. The second present was a type of entertainment center for a baby that was clipped on to the bars of the crib which would play music, show moving pictures, or project images on the ceiling with a gentle press of it's buttons.

"It looked fun." Juunanigou said simply.

"It's wonderful." Vegeta and Piccolo said in unison, then turned to each other and chuckled.

"This one is from Gohan." Juunanigou said as he handed another large package to Vegeta.

"Trunks and Bra!" Goku grinned, handing one to Piccolo.

Vegeta held up a bassinet, and from the illustration on the box, it was a beauty, complete with all the frilly trimmings. Piccolo's present turned out to be a change table. Juunanigou and Goku began to work double time as Vegeta and Piccolo kept shredding wrapping paper and showing off the gifts. The other three gifts from Trunks and Bra were a baby bathtub, a stuffed dragon that looked remarkably like Gohan's childhood friend Icharus, and a box of baby bottles.

Chi-Chi and Ox's packages wielded a crib, in a finish to match the change table, a crib mattress and pads and a huge package of diapers. Krillin and Marron's presents were crib blankets and sheets, towels and face clothes, pillows, and a huge yellow stuffed bear. Master Roshi Turtle and Oolong bought a playpen, and another package of diapers, though in a slightly larger size. Tien Chiaoutzu and Lunch had brought a jolly jumper, and a box of assorted baby toys ranging from teething rings and soothers to rattles. Korin and Yajirobe's other present, aside from the senzu beans, was another pack of diapers, making Juuhachigou and Bulma laugh as they told Piccolo and Vegeta they could never have enough. Yamcha and Puar's gift was a large box of clothing, from sleepers to shoes.

"Since none of us know what gender the baby's gonna be, I thought we should just get lots of everything." Yamcha said sheepishly as Piccolo pulled out a red velvet dress, and Vegeta pulled out a mini tux.

"Fair enough." Vegeta said, reaching across to shake Yamcha's hand. "Thank you."

As all the presents were finally unwrapped, and moved into the baby's room by Juunanigou and Goku, the women shooed everyone out so they could clean up.

"Consider this an extra present you two." Juuhachigou smirked. "You don't have to clean up today."

"Thank you!" Piccolo exclaimed as he grabbed the shocked jinzoningen in a bear hug, grinning as Vegeta threw back his head and laughed at her expression.

"Cut that out!" Juuhachigou swatted at the large warrior and pushed both of them outside.

As the rest of the Z fighters and Master Roshi and the gang converged in the gazebo Bulma had insisted on putting up in the back yard for them, the kids went and sat at the picnic table in the front yard, gossiping.

Piccolo and Vegeta walked over to the lake, and sat down in the shade of a large tree. Vegeta chuckled as Piccolo pulled him into his lap.

"Watch the baby koi." Vegeta said softly.

"I know, don't worry." Piccolo whispered as he nuzzled Vegeta's neck gently before cupping the Saiyan's chin and claiming his lips in a gentle kiss. "So," he said between kisses. "What was your plan regarding getting Gohan and Videl back together?"

Vegeta smiled evilly and began whispering in Piccolo's ear earnestly. Piccolo's eyes got progressively wider as the plan was explained to him. "You really think that's going to work?" Piccolo gaped.

"It had better." Vegeta stared over at Videl and Gohan, sitting on opposite sides of the yard eyeing each other.

"Juunanigou!" Piccolo called. "Come here for a minute." The cyborg strode across the yard and sat down beside them, Goku following him like a lost puppy. He ducked his head as Vegeta raised an eyebrow at him quizzically, then smirked.

"We need that silver tongue of yours." Vegeta purred to the cyborg, earning a surprise glance from the jinzoningen. "We're trying to get Gohan and Videl back together."

"What! Why would you guys want to do that?" Goku asked, puzzled. "They hate each other."

"No Goku, actually they don't." Juunanigou explained patiently. "They've been surreptitiously staring at each other all day. I think they still love each other, but they're both too stubborn to admit they're wrong." Piccolo and Vegeta stared at the jinzoningen in surprise, wondering how he knew so much about love and psychology. "So what do you propose?" He smirked.

"Well, I think first we need to get her to stop hanging around Kakarott's ex." Vegeta said.

"But how do you intend to do that?" Juunanigou asked.

"Yeah Vegeta, those two are rarely apart." Goku said.

"Well, I think a few well placed notes, and flower deliveries in each other's names should do it. If Chi-Chi thinks they're getting back together, she'll be mad as hell. Of course she'll try to keep them apart, and when Videl shows her true colors and admits she wants to get back together with him, poof! Mission accomplished." Vegeta grinned slyly.

"But what happens if Videl and Gohan figure out that the notes and such aren't actually coming from each other?" Goku asked, scratching his head.

"Good point Kakarott, I'm amazed." Vegeta chuckled when Juunanigou glared at him. "That's where your boyfriend and his sister come in." Vegeta and Piccolo had to fight not to laugh out loud as both jinzoningen and Saiyan blushed furiously. "Juunanigou and you will go over to Gohan's as often as you can stand, and you will be gently prodding him in Videl's direction. Juuhachigou and Bulma will be going over to Mr. Satan's to see Videl, and shoving her back to him. The flowers and notes aren't for their benefit, they're just for show to get Chi-Chi mad enough that she and Videl stop acting like they're joined at the hip so this will work." Vegeta looked from one to the other, waiting for an answer.

"Fine, I will do whatever I can, and talk my sister into helping. She'd have no problem going to their house, I just hope she stays with the plan. She keeps talking about Mr. Satan owing her money." Goku Vegeta and Piccolo sweatdropped.

"So when did you guys plan to put this into action?" Goku asked.

"How about we start it next week?" Vegeta asked.

"Good enough!" Goku grinned.

"That goes for me too." Juunanigou agreed.

One Week Later.....

"Gohan," Juunanigou said, eyeing the room with distaste from his perch on the arm of the couch, the only place clean enough for him to sit on. "were you planning on hiring a maid service anytime soon?" His eyes turned to the window, and he watched the tall muscular form of Goku who had volunteered to clean up the yard a little while Juunanigou talked to Gohan.

Gohan blushed wildly as his eyes swept the room, noting the pizza boxes, dirty dishes, dirty clothes and books strewn about. "Um...No...I...I'll get it cleaned up eventually." Gohan mumbled.

"Well I hope so. Videl would have a fit if she brought Pan over to see you and discovered your place looking like this." Juunanigou smirked at the frustration that crossed the demi-Saiyan's face.

"She is always on my case. I'm a bad influence on Pan because I don't encourage her to study all the time, I'm the one that's putting ideas in her head about training, I'm the reason she's getting into fights in school because I encourage her to not take any crap from anybody, I'm this, I'm that, blah blah blah! I don't care what she thinks anymore!" Gohan yelled. "We never see eye to eye anymore." He said quietly.

"Whatever do you mean?" The jinzoningen walked over and sat beside him at the table.

"Well, oh....I don't know." Gohan said, banging his head on the table with a solid "thunk".

"Boy she and your mother sure are tight. I guess it's true what they say, birds of a feather and all that nonsense, isn't it?" Juunanigou said, eyeing Gohan slyly.

"No...I....she.....She acts just like mother. Always nagging, always treating me like a kid. I got enough of that when I was a kid! Dad and Piccolo and the others needed me to help them, and she was pushing me to study. The world might have ended that day, and all she could think about was grades. I was supposed to stay home and be a normal boy. I was not supposed to act like I was half Saiyan. Now Videl is the same way. It's always about being normal, human. Well I'm not fully human dammit!! I'm half Saiyan. She only acknowledges that when it benefits her, not because she respects me. I just.....ah I don't know.." He trailed off.

"I wonder if maybe you turned your back on your human side altogether." Juunanigou mused.

"What do you mean?" Gohan's head came up.

"Well, she is human, at least I assume she is, and she wants to be treated like any human woman. She wants to be taken out on the town, shown a good time, and have a husband that is attentive, there for her when she needs him. Except when he's saving the world, as would be the case with Bulma." The cyborg smiled. "Bulma, now there's a remarkable woman. Two kids and over thirty years with Vegeta, and she accepted him for what he was, a Saiyan, and was proud of him....most of the time." Juunanigou chuckled.

"Yeah." Gohan sighed. "If Videl would be as accepting of my Saiyan side, and proud of me, all of me, not just my human side then maybe things would have worked."

"Might have? You sound like you've given up." Juunanigou said, brows furrowing.

"Well, I dunno......If she accepted my for what I am, big if, then I guess I could try to act like a normal husband once in a while. Kami! I remember all the nights Mom went off on tangents because Dad would never take her out, never go anywhere with her, she always thought about what it would be like to be taken out for dinner, and maybe dancing the night away at some nice club." Gohan remembered.

"Is that really so much to ask?" The cyborg stared into his eyes intensely.

"No I guess it isn't. You're right. If she ever came to me and decided she could accept both halves of me, I guess I could try to do that for her. But she would never accept me, so this whole conversation is just...useless." Gohan said with finality as he stood and began to pick dirty clothes up off the floor.

*We'll see about that!* Juunanigou thought as he too stood and began helping Gohan to clean up.

Chi-Chi bustled about the kitchen in Mr. Satan's house, humming to herself as she made a pot of tea. A knock at the front startled her, and she walked over to answer it.

"Flowers for Videl Satan." The surly teenage delivery boy looked at her disinterestedly, holding his hand out for a tip. His indignant cry was heard as Chi-Chi, totally ignorant of the gesture, slammed the door in his face.

She carried the flowers into the kitchen and looked for a vase to put them in. *Why didn't she tell me she'd started seeing someone?* Chi-Chi wondered as she filled the vase with water. After she set the beautiful pink roses in it, her curiosity got the better of her, and she opened the card.

"Dear Videl, I'm so happy you've decided you want to try again! Love always, GOHAN?!!" She hissed, trying to keep her anger in check before the living room's occupants, namely Mr. Satan and Videl, heard her outburst. Too late.

"Who was that Chi-Chi?" Videl asked as she came into the kitchen, not noticing as Chi-Chi stuffed the ripped off and crumpled card into her pocket.

"Oh, um...secret admirer sending flowers to your father I guess." She stammered.

"Oh is he still getting those?" Videl rolled her eyes. "If he sees these, his head will be swelled with pride for the rest of the day. Leave them in here for now." She giggled.

"Well, um.....Videl I...think I should go home, I'm not feeling too well all of a sudden." Chi-Chi said quietly.

"Oh! Are you ok?" Videl came toward her.

"No! I mean, yes, I'll be fine, just need to go home and relax, tell your father I said bye, alright?" She practically ran out the door and jumped into her car, revving the engine and careening wildly down the driveway.

"What's wrong with her?" Mr. Satan stared at the cloud of dust outside, eyebrow raised.

"I don't know, she said she wasn't feeling well all of a sudden." Videl said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes.

"Oh are these for me?" Mr. Satan asked, his chest puffing out as he tossed his head.

"Yes father, they're for you." Videl chuckled, shaking her head as she left the kitchen. The phone rang, and Videl answered it.

"Hey Videl, what are you doing tomorrow?" Bulma asked.

"Umm...nothing I guess." Videl answered, glancing at her wall calender just to make sure.

"Well, Juuhachigou and I are going to the mall for a day of shopping and we want you to come with us." Bulma was silent, and Videl could hear the unspoken sentence.

*As long as I don't bring Chi-Chi along.* She thought. *Well, I don't think there's any harm in it. I just won't tell Chi-Chi.* She decided. I'd love to go." She answered.

"Great! We'll be by to pick you up after Pan's bus leaves O.K.?"

"Sure, and...Thanks." Videl said quietly, although she wasn't exactly sure what she was thanking Bulma for yet, the invitation, or the excuse for getting out with someone other than Chi-Chi for a day.

Uh Oh! Trouble for the two best friends, ne? And whatever could Juuhachigou and Bulma have to say that can't be said in front of Chi-Chi? Tune in to the next chapter and find out.

To Be Continued.............

Let me know what you think!!