I'll settle for you, chapter 2.

Zoicyte aka Johnnyjosh

Warnings; Language, Yaoi, lime.

Notes; Weirdness, insanity, humor (at least I think some of it's funny, anyway), some MAJOR OOC, sap and silliness in places, AU. I guess this takes place when Bra is like, 16, Goten and Trunks are like, 27 and 28 respectively, and Pan is about 14. You'll have to excuse me if I make a few mistakes with plot and characters, I've only seen DBZ up until the cell saga.

Rating; NC-17.

Pairing; Piccolo + Vegeta.

Description; Vegeta and Piccolo try to deal with the little bundle of joy on the way.

Disclaimer; Don't own 'em, not makin' any money.

"Good, good, that'll be soon enough, I need a safe place to hide for the next, let's see.....about 6 months I guess." Piccolo said, his voice quavering.

"Why, what's wrong?" Vegeta demanded, getting frustrated.

"Vegeta," Piccolo whirled, leaning down into the Saiyan's face. "I'm pregnant."

A bloodcurdling scream echoed throughout the Capsule Corp. compound.

Bulma dropped the gadget she had been working on and ran for the backyard.

Bra hung up on Pan, who she had been talking to on the phone as she heard her Papa's scream, and ran out of the house.

Trunks bolted from the meeting he had been in, running into the stairwell and flying down to the first floor, going Super Saiyan as he wrenched a steel fire door off its hinges and flew across the compound, trying to reach his father. They stopped at the door to the gravity chamber, staring at Piccolo, who was holding an unconscious Vegeta cradled in his lap, worry etched on his face.

"Piccolo!" The three of them shouted in unison, "What happened?!"

Vegeta gave a shout as his eyes shot open and he leapt to his feet, chest heaving, face pale.

"Vegeta, what's wrong?" Bulma put a hand on his shoulder, peering into his face, concern clear in her blue eyes.

"What happened?" Trunks asked as he squatted beside Piccolo, noticing the apprehensive expression on the Namek's face.

"Umm....uhhh...." Piccolo sweatdropped, then looked around the room, trying to think up a plausible explanation for Vegeta screaming and passing out in a dead faint. He didn't think such a thing existed.

"Are you alright Papa?" Bra asked worriedly, wrapping her arms tightly around her father's waist.

"Yes, I'm fine." Vegeta reassured her, brushing her bangs away from her forehead and planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. "But I need to talk to your mother, privately. Just me, her, and Piccolo."

"But Papa..." Trunks and Bra began.

"No kids, go on." Bulma broke in, gently shooing them out the door, then pushing the button to shut the door behind them.

"Now what's wrong?" Bulma asked, whirling around to glare at the two warriors.

"I need to round up some of the Z fighters, and borrow some equipment to build that cabin, it needs to be habitable as of right now." Vegeta said.

"Wha...? Why? I know you wanted to build it to have your privacy, but why the sudden rush?" Bulma's brow furrowed as she studied Piccolo and Vegeta, noticing the careful way they were avoiding each other's eyes. "Are you two seeing each other?" She asked, as the two jumped, then spun around to gape at her in amazement.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT??!!!" Piccolo roared, Bulma and Vegeta both covering their ears and cringing at the sheer volume of the Namek's voice as it bounced off the walls of the gravity chamber.

"I figured it out when you two started spending so much time together, going off to ::train:: for days on end, not wanting anyone to join you unless you specifically invited them, this sudden need for the cabin so you could have some time alone, come on you guys!" she scoffed, "How stupid do you think I am, it's pretty obvious that you two have been seeing each other for the last couple of months, now what's wrong?" Bulma demanded, her fists resting on her hips, glaring at them.

"Piccolo's pregnant." Vegeta said quietly.

Bulma facevaulted, landing on her butt on the hard floor as she did so, and Piccolo sank to his knees, his hands covering his face, as he rocked back and forth, his whole head turning purple from the tips of his ears to his white collar as he blushed furiously.

Bulma recovered quickly, standing up and patting Vegeta's shoulder reassuringly.

"Well, I guess we've got a lot of preparations to make, don't we?" Bulma asked, getting that intense expression she usually wore when undertaking a major task.

"Wha....We?" Vegeta asked, taken aback. "You....you're actually going to help us, after I just told you that.."

"Don't say it!" Came the muffled shout as Piccolo continued to rock back and forth, covering his face.

"Well of course I'm going to help you!" Bulma snapped, insulted. "What kind of person do you think I am? I know we might not be a couple anymore, but we agreed to be friends, and that's what friends are all about. Helping each other. Besides, I don't think the two of you put together have any idea how to deal with pregnancy, labor and a newborn baby now do you?" she asked, hands on her hips, waiting for an answer.

"I don't have a clue, the only thing I ever knew about reproduction was eggs, this is way out of my league." came Piccolo's muted reply.

"Hmph." Vegeta crossed his arms and looked down at the floor, too stubborn to admit that Bulma was right.

"I thought so. Don't you two worry about a thing, I know just what to do!" She said, grinning. "I've got everything under control. Now don't you move, I'll be right back!" She ran over and pushed the button to open the door, and ran across the lawn toward her lab, giggling like a little girl.

"Did you have to tell her?" Piccolo asked mournfully.

"Yes, I did." Vegeta sighed, "She'll help us get that cabin built, her and her friends, and she can help us get whatever else we need to prepare for...you know.." Vegeta trailed off, looking away almost sheepishly.

Both of them stayed where they were, lost in their own thoughts for several minutes, until the door to the gravity chamber re-opened with a whoosh, and Bulma rushed in, obviously excited, with Trunks and Bra hot on her heels. Trunks looked confused, and Bra was sporting an ear-to-ear grin.

Vegeta scowled darkly at Bulma as he took in the look on their children's faces.

He was about to ask her what she'd said to them, to confirm his suspicions, when Bra suddenly ran over and nearly tackled him as she threw her arms around him, clutching him tightly.

"Oh Papa!" She squealed, pulling back to look at him, her big blue eyes bright with excitement. "Is it true? Are you and Piccolo having a baby?" She asked, jumping from one foot to the other happily.

Vegeta winced at the murderous glare the Namek shot his way. "Yes, it is." he said quietly.

Piccolo almost screamed with embarrassment as he fell over on his side, curling up into a ball, and pulling his cape over himself.

As Vegeta began giving Bulma a dressing down about telling the kids about Piccolo, with Bra side-stepping away from her parents nervously, Trunks came and sat cross-legged beside the mortified Namek.

"You know, this is kind of weird." Trunks began, looking down at the big, lumpy white ball that was Piccolo.

"Tell me something I didn't already know!" Piccolo snapped.

Trunks lifted his gaze to the doorway, watching as his mother merely talked over his father's ranting, as usual. She stepped out of the chamber with Bra hot on her heels, Vegeta following and getting angry at her for walking away from him without letting him finish his argument. Trunks began to chuckle.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Piccolo bellowed from under the white material.

"Them." Trunks said quietly, "I never could figure out how those two stayed together as long as they did....They were too much alike in some ways, and not enough alike in others." he plucked at a corner of Piccolo's cape. "Why don't you come out from under there?" he asked softly.

"Leave my cape alone!" Piccolo hollered, holding on to it for all he was worth. "I like it just fine where it is! If you have something to say to me just say it!"

"It's awfully hard to talk to someone that resembles a snowbank." Trunks grinned as he grasped the white cape with both hands and tugged sharply.

He jumped, eyes widening as Piccolo snarled and abruptly rose to his knees, glaring down at Trunks.

"What do you want?!" Piccolo hissed.

"I.....Hey Piccolo, relax, I only wanted to say that I'm cool with all this." Trunks smiled up at the large, and extremely pissed off Namek.

Piccolo's eyes widened, his expression softening. "You are?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I am. If you and Dad are happy with each other, then I'm happy for both of you." Trunks said, laying a hand on Piccolo's shoulder, which Piccolo immediately covered with one of his own.

"Thanks Trunks, that means a lot to me, and I know it will mean even more to your father." Piccolo whispered.

"Besides," Trunks winked, "I can't wait to see what my baby bro or sis is gonna look like." he laughed, dozens of possibilities flitting through his mind, each one cuter than the last.

"OH NOO!" Piccolo shouted, a horrified expression on his face as hundreds of possibilities began to flash through his mind, and Piccolo being a pessimist, each one was more hideous than the last.

Just as Trunks was about to start teasing the now very worried Namek, Vegeta Bra and Bulma came through the door.

"Come on you two," he said, walking over and reaching his hand out to help Piccolo up. "Let's go to my property, so Bulma can get the house set up."

"What house?" Piccolo asked, slapping Vegeta's hand away gently. "I don't need help to stand Vegeta, I'm not some helpless female." He sweatdropped as he turned and saw Bra and Bulma glaring at him. "Sorry, no offense intended." he muttered.

"The capsule house Bulma has selected for us." Vegeta explained, eyeing the two still glaring females warily. "She says it has almost everything we need."

"That's right!" Bulma said proudly, beaming. "It has a master bedroom, a guest bedroom, a nursery, a sun porch, large living room and dining room, fully equipped kitchen, five piece bath..."

"Woman!!" Vegeta shouted. "Are we leaving, or are we going to stand here all day watching a live performance of Capsule Corp.'s newest infomercial?"

As they left the gravity room, Piccolo Vegeta and Trunks prepared to fly off.

"Hold it!!" Bulma shouted, "Piccolo shouldn't be flying, let's take the car." she said, grabbing Piccolo by the hand and pulling. She dug her heels into the lawn as the stubborn Namek refused to move. "Vegeta!" she cried, "Do something!"

"Woman! Think about what you're saying, he's one of the strongest fighters on the planet, and you're treating him like he's helpless and fragile. Stop it!!" Vegeta shouted.

"Dad's right mom, remember, this is Piccolo." Trunks chuckled, as he grabbed his mother and took off.

Piccolo sighed, as Vegeta swept Bra into his arms, the young girl squealing with delight at the prospect of taking a ride with her Dad, and the three of them flew into the air.

They flew east for about half an hour, until they reached a vast, lush forest nestled between two mountains.

"Wow papa!" Bra shouted over the wind. "That looks really pretty. I see now why you took a place so far away."

Vegeta smiled. *It's also the perfect place to conceal a cranky pregnant Namek.*

*I heard that Vegeta!* Piccolo's thoughts invaded Vegeta's mind, making the Saiyan prince chuckle as he swooped down to fly low over the trees. Bra squealed and tightened her arms around her father's neck.

The five of them touched down in a clearing at the heart of the forest, right beside a small lake. Bra Trunks and Bulma gasped, all of them shocked at the tranquil, beautiful place Vegeta had selected to call home. Even Piccolo was slightly taken aback. *Wow.* he thought, *I could actually get used to living here.*

"Not bad Vegeta." Piccolo said, reaching out to give Vegeta's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Not bad at all." Vegeta turned to look up at him, an almost affectionate smirk on his face.

"Think you could stand living here for the next.....Hey, how long is a Namekian pregnancy anyway?" Vegeta asked, his brow furrowing.

"How the hell should I know? I grew up here, remember? And the original Piccolo never knew anything about it either." Piccolo said, growing nervous at the prospect of facing the unknown.

"Hey!" Bulma said, clicking the top of the capsule and throwing it onto a large, flat area of ground not far from the beach. "Would Dende know?" She asked as the capsule exploded. She turned to smile at the large dome shaped house that emerged from the smoke.

Vegeta whirled and stared at her, surprised and angry that he hadn't thought of that himself.

"We're not telling him!" Piccolo shouted.

"Piccolo!" Bulma shouted back. "We have to! It's not like we're going to be able to find an obstetrician to take care of you. My doctor almost fainted when Trunks was born with a tail!" She glared at him, "And don't even think of saying you don't need a doctor, you're pregnant Piccolo, and you need proper medical care to insure the baby is born healthy!"

Piccolo crossed his arms and scowled. "Dende would perhaps know the basics of Namek pregnancy, but he wouldn't have the experience or the equipment necessary to do much good." he muttered.

"Well then, that's where Trunks and I would come in!" she said happily. "We could easily duplicate the most advanced hospital maternity room and nursery in a couple of months! All we need is Dende's knowledge to give us the basics, and I can use my own knowledge of pregnancy and delivery to fill in the rest!" she grinned.

"Well...." Piccolo looked away, his brow furrowing.

"Great! It's settled. Trunks, Bra, you two get the house ready for when we get back O.K.? We'll go see Dende." She said as she walked over to Vegeta and wrapped an arm around his neck. "Well, what are you two standing around for? Let's go!" She shouted, before Vegeta and Piccolo locked eyes, sweatdropped and took off.

"Well that's just great!" Bra pouted, stomping into the house. "They get to go cruising, and I get stuck with my brother doing housework!"

Trunks pulled out his cell phone as soon as his sister was out of earshot. "Hey Goten! Guess what!"..................

Kami's (or actually Dende's) Lookout........

"Oh, my goodness! Dende! Speak to me!" Mr. Popo pleaded, as Vegeta lifted the small, unconscious Guardian in his arms and placed him on some cushions. "I think the shock was just too much for him." Mr. Popo said, looking up at Piccolo, flabbergasted. Piccolo just glared.

"It's bad enough the baby's father had that reaction, two people in one day is a bit much." He growled.

Dende chose that moment to regain consciousness. "Piccolo, who is the father?" he asked weakly.

"Vegeta." Piccolo said quietly. Dende's eyes widened, and he let out a weak cry before fainting again. Bulma tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh as Vegeta, Popo and Piccolo all turned to glare at her. She clasped her hands in front of her and looked up, whistling innocently.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you onna?" Vegeta asked, his eyes narrowing.

"You betcha!" Bulma grinned back.

After several minutes, Mr. Popo managed to rouse Dende long enough to give him some water. The Guardian managed to gain his feet, rather shakily, and slowly approached Piccolo and Vegeta.

"I apologize for my earlier reaction." he said quietly. "I will do whatever I can to help." He said as Bulma lead him away, chattering excitedly, asking dozens of questions.

"Dende will give Bulma all the information she needs to help you I'm sure." Mr. Popo said. "And after that, he should be able to tell you for the most part what to expect during pregnancy Piccolo."

"Fine." Piccolo hissed, stalking away and standing on the edge of the lookout that was furthest away from everyone.

"Dammit!" Vegeta cursed, "Piccolo and I had a nice, casual, uncomplicated thing going! How did this.....Well what the hell are we supposed to do now?" he turned to Mr. Popo.

"Vegeta, please, sit down with me." Mr. Popo patted the cushions beside him, smiling slightly at the almost petulant frown on the Saiyan's face.

"Vegeta," he began. "I realize you're nervous about this baby, but you've fathered two children already, so you know what to expect." He leaned forward and peered into Vegeta's eyes intently, lowering his voice. "But Piccolo has never experienced anything like this." He said quietly. "Think of how afraid he must be right now, although he'd probably blast you into oblivion if you ever accused him of it." Vegeta and Popo both chuckled at that. "He won't admit it, but he's thinking about your relationship as well right now, much like you. He's wondering where the two of you stand, and whether or not you're going to be there for him."

"Well of course I'm going to!" Vegeta snapped. "I.....he knows he can stay at the house with me...." He trailed off.

"But what about your relationship?" Mr. Popo asked softly.

"Well, I....He'll be living with me, and when the baby comes...." He paused, thinking. "I suppose you're right, we have to develop something a little more solid, deeper than what we originally had planned."

"Exactly!" Mr. Popo said happily. "You need to reach out to Piccolo a little, show him you care, and that you're going to be there when he needs you."

"I will." Vegeta said solemnly.

Piccolo stood at the edge of the Lookout, his eyes shifting to the side as he strained to hear the quiet exchange going on between Vegeta and Mr. Popo. He heard only Vegeta's solemn declaration. He whirled and strode back to the steps they were sitting on. Vegeta stood as he approached, and walked up to Piccolo. He smiled slightly, and wrapped his arms around the startled Namek's waist, nuzzling his stomach gently. Piccolo looked down at him for a moment, eyes wide before he draped his arms over Vegeta's shoulders. *This is the first affectionate gesture he's made since I told him, maybe we can adapt to this.* Piccolo thought, smiling.

"KAWAII!!" Bulma squealed, taking in the tender scene before her. "Wow! I never realized until now what a cute couple you are!"

"Shut up!" Vegeta hollered. Everyone noticed the way Vegeta clung to his tall lover, glaring at them.

"Well, Dende's told me everything I need to know. Are you ready to go?" Bulma asked.

"They can't go yet." Dende said. "I need to explain this to Piccolo and Vegeta as well."

They all sat down on the steps, Vegeta looking up in surprise as Piccolo pulled the small Saiyan into his lap. Vegeta shrugged, then snuggled up against Piccolo's broad chest, pointedly ignoring Bulma and Mr. Popo's matching grins.

Two hours later....

Bra and Trunks finally got the house set up, and Trunks put his cell phone away. "Good grief!" she whined. "What was so important anyway?" she asked, gesturing at his phone.

"I was arranging a surprise baby shower." Trunks grinned. "It'll take place here, this Saturday."

"I don't know.....who all did you invite?" She asked nervously.

"I told Goten to tell his family, and I managed to get a hold of Master Roshi and Krillin, and they said they would track down Tien, Chiaoutzu and Yamcha. Master Roshi said he'd get in touch with Korin and Yajirobi too."

Bra quickly counted, "Holy shit!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth as Trunks glared at her. "That's almost 20 people, oh Trunks! What have you done? Papa and Piccolo are gonna be soooooo mad!"

Trunks snorted. "No they won't. The Z senshi have been through so much together, it only seems right everyone be a part of this too."

Bra cocked her head to one side, looking at her brother thoughtfully. "Wow, I never knew you could be so sentimental." she smiled. He grinned back at her, and they ran out into the yard as Trunks sensed them returning.

They landed in the yard and Bulma immediately marched into the house to inspect it, and Bra and Trunks gaped as Piccolo swept Vegeta into his arms and gave him a long, deep kiss.

"What are you looking at?" Piccolo growled, sending both of them scampering into the house, leaving Piccolo and Vegeta alone in the front yard.

"Mommmmmyyyyy?" Bra sidled up to her mother, grinning slyly. "Trunks invited all the Z senshi to a surprise baby shower for Piccolo." Trunks facevaulted, and Bulma dropped the dropped the kettle she had been about to make tea with, her face going pale.

"You WHAT?" she shouted.

"What's going on?" Vegeta demanded, suddenly appearing in the doorway, Piccolo right behind him.

"Well.....uh....heh heh.....oh boy....." Bulma groaned, dragging a hand down her face.

The house itself seemed to hold it's breath as Bulma told them what Trunks had done. Then all hell broke loose.

Vegeta and Piccolo screamed in unison as they both flew across the room, reaching for Trunks' throat. Trunks screamed in fear as he ran around the house, arms flailing, eyes nearly bugging out of his head. Bulma and Bra shrieked, wrapping their arms around each other as they frantically searched for a safe place to hide.

The two warriors finally managed to catch the elusive demi-Saiyan, and just about choked him to death before Bulma jumped up to intervene.

"Hold it!" she screeched. Vegeta and Piccolo both winced as the high pitched sound hit their hypersensitive ears. "This might be for the best."

"How in the hell do you figure that?" Piccolo shrieked.

"Well, you can't keep this thing a secret forever. Number one, somebody's bound to come nosing around soon and see why Vegeta and Piccolo are living together, and two how are you gonna hide that kid when it's born?" She asked, crossing her arms and smirking at them.

"Damn." Piccolo and Vegeta muttered together, as he and Vegeta both let go of Trunks. The half-Saiyan hit the floor gasping and coughing.

"So who all's invited?" Vegeta asked resignedly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Everybody. Yajirobi and Korin, Yamcha and Puar, Oolong and Master Roshi, Krillin and his family, Tien and Chiaoutzu, Goten's family...and I think that's it, right?" Bra asked, looking down at her brother. He nodded weakly.

"Oh boy. That's just great. You had to tell it to Goten didn't you?" Bulma sighed. "He's a sweet boy, he just can't keep his mouth shut to save his life. He'll tell Gohan, Pan, Goku, and he'll probably tell his mother as well. And if Chi-Chi know, Videl will know as well, those two have been thick as thieves since their marriages ended. I think we could all do without either of them here." She thought for a moment, and then whipped out her cell phone. "Hey, Krillin! Is Juu there? Great! Thanks. Hi Juu, how's it goin? Good, good. Listen, you're coming to the baby shower, right? Well, I think Chi-Chi and Videl are going to be here too....and....Oh, oh! Would you? Oh that would be wonderful!! Thanks. Hey listen! Why don't we get together tonight and make up the gift list? Sure! 8 o'clock would be fine. See you then!" She folded up the phone and put it back in her purse, smiling brightly. Don't worry about a thing you guys, Juu says she and Marron will take care of those two if they get out of hand."

"Boy that's a relief." Bra sighed.

"So when were you planning this for?" Vegeta asked quietly.

"Saturday." Trunks rasped.

"Well," Vegeta said as he slid his arms around Piccolo, looking up into his face. "That gives us three days to prepare to face the rest of the Z senshi with our news."

"Hnn." Was Piccolo's response.

"Don't worry koi." Vegeta murmured as he rubbed Piccolo's stomach gently. "We'll deal with it together."

Piccolo smiled and wrapped an arm around Vegeta, hugging him tightly as his other hand gently stroked the Saiyan's cheek.

Trunks gaped once more at the open display of affection, as Bulma and Bra giggled and hugged each other, swooning as they went into kawaiiness overload.