Best Left Forgotten 4

 

Disclaimer: Dragon Ball Z belongs to someone other than me, and I make no money from this at all. Has mentions of rape and will become YAOI later on.

 

            Goku scrubbed his body ruthlessly in the shower, the water hot enough to scald human skin, with a rough bristled brush. The upper layer had sloughed off in some places. Blood oozed from more of the scratches. He slowed in his rubbing, looking at the wounds, then down at his own body. He remembered not remembering, now. Asking that the memories be taken away. He had already done some of it on his own.

            He leaned his head against the shower stall. He shied away from the memories of Furiza, but the ones of Gaea he held to him like a child cupping a butterfly. He couldn’t tell if remembering was a gift, or a curse.

            Why now? He was thinking about how he understood Chi-Chi better, Chi-Chi was a mother, he had been…

            A mother. He hadn’t nursed Gaea, there was nothing that they could do to make him give milk, but he had fed her, held her, kissed her and sung to her. He could see the Ice-jin in her, but she didn’t remind him of her father. She was herself, beautiful, tiny and fragile. The way Goten must have been, and Gohan, he for a fact had been.

            He had needed to understand his guilt about leaving, and so, he had broken through to his own memories.

            He suppressed a moan. He knew about the nightmares now. Why did he have to have remembered?

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            Piccolo kept listening to the sounds in the shower as Bulma called Goku’s family. Of course, family in his case meant the rest of the Z-fighters.

            She didn’t tell them what had happened, just that Goku needed them. That alone was enough to get them there.

            Gohan arrived first.

            “Piccolo-san?” he asked, seeing his mentor sitting, with his arms crossed, looking worried.

            “What happened to my dad?” he exclaimed. He felt around for his father’s ki. It was…dark.

            “He’ll have to be the one to tell you,” Piccolo said, when he heard a cry from the showers. Getting up, he rushed in to find Goku sprawled on the floor of the shower, just staring at nothing. He was shaking.

            “Goku!”

            “Dad!” They yelled, at the same time, and went over to him.

            Gohan turned off the shower, then as Piccolo once again picked Goku up.

            Gohan got a towel and they wrapped him in it, and Piccolo dried Goku with his ki, and then changed the towel into Goku’s usual gi.

            “Gohan?” Goku whispered, and his son followed them like a puppy to the medical room.

            There was a loud crash/boom as the others got there.

            “Where is my Goku?” said a voice, and Chi-Chi dashed in, seeing Goku being held like a giant doll.

            “Oh, Goku, what happened?” she wailed, and kissed him profusely all over the face when he was sat down.

            Goku looked like hell. His face was pale as snow, colored only by the red scratches that had yet to heal. Dark circles stood out under his usually sparkling, life filled eyes. Now they were dull and dry, like dead leaves.

            His hair, like the rest of him, was flat. It lay against his head, still wet, and tangled.

            Chi-Chi started to fuss.

            “Could I get some warm milk for Goku?” she asked. “A comb? Dear, whatever did this to you will be stopped, I promise you.”

            Bulma pulled a comb out from a nearby draw, handed it to Chi-Chi who started to comb her husband’s hair, and went to go get that milk, sniffing loudly.

            “Hey, Goku,” said Tien, coming over. “It gonna be alright, buddy. We’ll find ‘em, and give them the pounding of-“

            “I did it to myself, Tien,” Goku said, and looked up at him.

            “What?” asked Yamcha. “You’re joking, right? I mean, come on! Goku, you couldn’t hurt yourself, like that! You’re Goku, man. Goku doesn’t do that kind of thing!”

            Goku looked at him like he was going to start crying again. Chi-Chi had stopped fussing with his hair when he had said that, and looked at him like he had grown a second head.

            Goku took in the whole group that was there. Goten walked over to him, and reached up, asking to sit in his lap, something he had never done before. Goku swallowed, and did so.

            Gohan, Goten, Chi-Chi, Tien, Chao Tsu, Yamcha, Puar, Bulma, Vegeta skulking in the back, and Trunks, looking worried at his best friend.

            “What’s going on guys?” asked Krillen, as he walked in with his family, 18 holding Marron, and Master Roshi. He started to shake as he saw the whole gang there. How could he tell them? How?

            A hand rested on his shoulder.

            “Do you want me to tell them?” said Piccolo, his harsh voice again calming him.

            He nodded; a choppy motion. He wanted to huddle under Piccolo’s cape, cling to him, like he was the only thing steady in his rapidly tilting universe.

            Piccolo, knowing that for some reason it helped, began to rub the shoulder he was touching, and started with what had happened that night, trying to prepare them for the rest. It was so unbelievable.

            “Vegeta,” Piccolo said sharply, after telling them what had led up to himself and Goku getting to CC. “Would you tell them what you told Buma and myself earlier? About those born third class?”

            Vegeta started when his name had been called, and then started to tell them about the shortage of females and how the males had been altered.

            ‘What has that got to do with Goku?” exclaimed Krillen, looking at his friend, who had been apathetic to most of the conversation.

            He had turned to Vegeta when he got the part about altering.

            “So, that’s how it happened…”

            “WHAT?” the crowd screamed.

            Goku covered his hands with his ears and whimpered.

            “Guys,” Piccolo said, warningly. They quieted down.

            “On Namek, there was a period of time where I couldn’t sense Goku, but could sense Furiza. I managed to get to him, found him beaten to the ground, most of his pants ripped off. Furza had-“ here Piccolo faltered. He had been the one to see it, and it still didn’t seem true. “He’d been raped.”

            “Kami…” more than one voice said, looking at Goku. Chi-Chi had her hand over her mouth, eyes wide and shining with tears.

            “Goku blocked most of the memory after I did some healing on him, and went on with the fight. He didn’t remember any of it then, at least I don’t think so. Tonight the memories came back out, along with- others.”

            “What does this have to do with what you asked Vegeta?” asked Chao Tsu, totally lost.

            There was a deep breath from 18.

            “Guess you guys wouldn’t get it,” she said snidely for a moment, and turned to Goku, pity in her eyes.

            “What, honey?” asked Krillen, scratching his head.

            “He got pregnant, you bonehead!” she yelled.

            “He couldn’t have gotten pregnant! If he had, where is the kid?” Krillen shot back, but they all turned to see Goku give in to his pain, and wrap his arms around Piccolo’s waist.

            “They’re dead!” he wailed, and started to cry again.

            Bulma choked and started to cry herself, as she entered with the milk.

            “Goku?” she asked softly, coaxing him away from Piccolo. “I put something in your milk to make you sleep. We’ll take care of you, trust us,” she murmured. Tears on the warriors face not abating, he tossed back the milk and handed her the mug, and curled back up on the table.

            Everyone turned to leave, still reeling from the shock.

            Piccolo was about to follow, when Goku whispered,” Please don’t leave me.”

            Piccolo turned, surprised. Bulma had turned as well, and looked at Piccolo. Chi-Chi had also heard. The others continued to file out.

            “He wants that green-“ Chi-Chi was about to begin, when Bulma hushed her.

            “Piccolo was the one who found him, and is probably the only person he really, really trusts right now. He sees him as, I don’t know, protector, maybe. But we need to keep him steady. None of us can know what happened to him, not really, and Piccolo calms him down. Just go with it!” she hissed, and Chi-Chi, surprisingly, did. Although she chose to stay as well.

            Goku was still crying softly, although he was no longer sobbing, Gohan watched helplessly.

            Chi-Chi walked over to him. “Can you tell me about it?”

            He didn’t look at her.

            “I was thinking about you this evening, after a bad dream- I didn’t realize where those dreams had been coming from. I was sad that I had left you alone with Goten for all those years, and started to think about what it was like to have a baby, alone, and just, just started to remember.”

            “Was it a boy or girl?” asked Goten, curiously, still perched in Goku’s lap.

            Goku took a deep breath, and bit his lip. “Two boys and two girls. Only one of the girls wasn’t stillborn.”

            Chi-Chi gasped. It was all she could do to keep from crying. One of her worst nightmares when she had been pregnant had been that.

            “Gaea, my daughter, didn’t live very long after that…”

            “Dad-“ Gohan said, putting his hand out. He didn’t know what to do.

            Goku, in an act that surprised Piccolo, considering how fragile he had been, shook his head. “You’re my son, Gohan. We made you grow up too fast as it is. Don’t worry about me.” He smiled wistfully. “Gaea… looked something like you as a baby.”

            Then again, Piccolo knew that Goku had more than just physical strength.

            Chi-Chi just looked at Goku, staring helplessly.

            “I wish I could make things right for you Goku,” she told him, sitting beside him as well.

            The smile on Goku’s face now was bitter. He touched her face gently, tracing the planes and curves there, memorizing them.

            “How could you stand it?” he asked. His tone held a note of- farewell?

            “What?” she asked.

            “Knowing that what you had inside you could die? How can you stand looking at me?”

            “Goku,” she whispered, putting her hand over his. “I was terrified. I can only imagine what it must have like for you.”

            Then she looked him full in the face, putting her fingers under his chin.

            He flinched away, keeping his eyes lowered.

            “I’m not worthy of you, Chi-Chi,” he said softly, flatly.

            “Yes, you are,” she reassured, him, desperately trying to get him to meet her eyes.

            “I couldn’t protect those that had been so close to me, that I carried them under my heart. You deserve someone better than me. Someone that doesn’t run off and leave you, someone that can keep you safe.” He reached out, to touch her face again, then flinched back.

            He whispered,” You deserve someone who can touch you without having nightmares.”

            “Daddy?” Goten said, confused by what was going on.

            His daddy, that he had barely known, hugged him tightly, and then lifted him off his lap. “I love you Goten. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the dad you needed.”

            “Its okay, daddy.”

            “Chi-Chi,” he asked, still looking away. “Could you give me a moment alone with Gohan and Piccolo?”

            Chi-Chi wanted to protest, then saw the look on his face. This wasn’t her Goku. Goku was a man that could take anything because of his self-confidence. His firm belief, that no matter what happened, he could handle it. The man in front of her was in pain, his belief shattered, and dreadfully insecure.

            “Okay,” she answered, quietly took Goten’s hand, and left the room.

            Goku ran his fingers through his still damp hair as she left.

            “I need to go away for a while,” he said, turning to Piccolo and Gohan.

            “Dad, you just got back!” Gohan yelled, standing up.

            Piccolo just raised his eyebrow ridges.

            Goku shook slightly, but kept his voice steady. “I need to go to Yardrat, one last time- I need to say goodbye again,” he looked up. “Just see her- even if I don’t really see her, you know?”

            He looked up at them hopefully, wanting to see understanding, something.

            Gohan slowly nodded. He could understand his father wanting to go. Depression rolled off him in waves, to anyone sensitive to feel it. Getting away for a while, despite his having been dead for a long time, might help.

            “Thank you. I should be able to make the trip alone in about a two months, maybe longer, round trip.”

            Gohan nodded again, looking at his father for any sign of what he might be thinking…

            “Did you say alone?” barked Piccolo, bolting to his feet.

            Goku quailed back, but said in a meek voice,” Yes.”

            “NO.”

            Gohan and Goku looked at the large Namek in surprise.

            “Goku, I did not save your life to let you just kill yourself again! I’m going, too!” he growled, snarling into Goku’s face.

            “Me, too, dad.”

            “Gohan, I told you that you don’t need to be worrying about me-“

            “You’re my dad! What the hell did you expect?” Gohan said, putting his hands on his hips, looking more like his mother than his father right then.

            “I wasn’t a good father to you-“

            “You did the best you could. I knew you loved me. I know mom loves me too. No matter what might else have happened, I have that. Let me help you, not has your son, but as an adult.”

            Goku started. He still thought of his eldest as being Goten’s.

            He grinned, genuinely. “I am so proud of you.”

            His eyes started to droop then. “Can you… tell others.. what… I am going to be doing? Just you guys come.. can’t take too many people…please?” The sedative was about to take effect.

            “Of course, Goku. Sleep,” said Piccolo, reaching out to again smooth the black hair.

            Gohan walked out, a determined expression on his face.

            “Piccolo? Stay, until I …” he was struggling to say awake. Piccolo nodded, and sat on the edge of the bed, giving the Saiya-jin the comfort of his presence, until he was deep asleep.

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            //Goku was crying, bitter tears of anger and despair streaking down his face as he tried to move his broken body. His butt was seared with pain, torn inside.

            “GOKU!”

            Hands, gentle, large, soothing hands rested themselves on his clawed back, willing something warm into him. Muscles and organs and bones mended… for the most part. The healing could fix the damage of the rape- but not the fight- not for all of it.

            Goku spat blood out of his mouth, rolled over to see the face of his healer.

            He came nose to nose with Piccolo. Their faces were nearly touching.

            “What happened to you, Goku” said the Namek, and Goku thought back- and promptly shut down. History was about to repeat itself when…

            “Goku, tell me what happened, please,” said that husky voice, which sent ripples down his spine.

            Goku turned, feeling the emotions he had just bottled surge back up, his eyes full of pain.

            “Furiza, he- he raped me,” he admitted, for the first time, to himself, aloud.

            He hurt me, he said in his mind.

            Show me, Piccolo answered him, in the same way. Goku spilled out the memories before he could stop himself, and without knowing how, he was in the circle of Piccolo’s arms, feeling his warm breath in his hair.

            “Piccolo,” Goku begged, crying, not knowing what else to do. He was beyond his own strength now. “Make the pain go away.”

            Piccolo jerked in surprise as Goku clung to him. “Goku- I healed you. What else do you want?”

            “I don’t know,” he sobbed, crushing himself into Piccolo. The pain had heightened everything, made him so aware of how vulnerable life was. His senses had become hyper, made him so very aware of the heat coming off Piccolo’s body, his musky, healthy living scent, so sharply different from the beast earlier. His skin was smooth as satin, and Goku found himself pressing harder against those steely muscles. His senses cried out for more, and his lips pressed themselves to Piccolo’s neck, his tongue darting out to taste. Piccolo gasped quietly, and Goku heard his heartbeat increase. The arms around him tightened, and he could feel Piccolo’s need grinding against his stomach.

            “Help me forget, Piccolo,” Goku said, looking up into those black orbs, falling in. His vision blurred for a moment, and green lips brush his own, his eyes closed, savoring the sensation. He felt the taloned hands rub over his body, removing the shreds of his clothing.

            Goku tore back, ripping off the clothing of the green man, lust making him forget what had just happened, as Piccolo nipped down his throat, and started to suckle on one of his nipples.

            “Um- ah, ha errr- ahhhh…”

            Those hands were touching him where he loved it, his buttocks, his tail spot, and his groin…

            He convulsed as Piccolo ran a questing finger from the base of his manhood to the head, fingering the foreskin.

            “Ohhh, Piccolo- ahh, hn…”

            He was touching his balls, then, cupping them in his hand, rolling them gently at first, then getting more aggressive, as he crushed Goku too him, grabbing his rear, and lifting him, ravaging his mouth with his tongue. Then Goku was on his back, spreading his legs eagerly for Piccolo, as the Namek kneeled before him, gently stretching his anus, and Goku shouted hoarsely, as he thrust in.

            Oh, Goku thought, don’t stop, don’t, please, pppllllleeeeeeease, Kami, don’t ever stop!

            Shhh, Piccolo told him. Just enjoy it while it lasts.

            Then Goku screamed, as he came so hard –

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             Goku woke with a gasp.

            He was still sitting on his bed in the medical wing, Piccolo had left earlier, but Goku found that he had been draped in the white material that made up his cloak. He clutched it to his face, and breathed in. Piccolo’s smell permeated it, and Goku could feel himself becoming hard again, remembering the dream.

            His sensitive hearing picked up the discussion outside the room. They were making preparations for him to get to Yardrat. Goku felt tears in his eyes. What had he done to deserve him- them?

            Goku tried to gather his thoughts, remembering the dream. It had been so vivid. It had started out as usual, but the ending; it was pure fantasy.

            Furiza, what have you done to me?

            It was just a dream…

 

To be continued.