A hazy shade of green, part 5.

By Zoicyte aka Johnnyjosh

Piccolo goes into heat, throwing the entire Z gang into emotional and sexual chaos.

Pairings: Piccolo x everybody (almost *LOL*).

Notes: Het, yaoi, lemon, extreme OOC, AU, late DBZ, humor, weirdness. Just for those who seem to have a problem with inconsistencies with my fic and the anime, that's why I put AU on it. Hello? Does the phrase ALTERNATE UNIVERSE mean anything to you? *snickers*

Rating: R for really lemony. *LOL*

Thanks to Lara for the inspiration, constant sporking, and always being there to help. *glomps* I luv ya babe!!

This fic is a multi pairing gratuitous lemon request fic for Larania Drake, my 2000^th visitor. Will be at least a 6 parter. (that's what I figure on so far, and does anyone see the running joke here yet? *grins* request one shot to the first person to figure it out.)

The large Namek nearly collapsed as soon as they were out of sight. "Kami no...Yamcha what have you done?" He growled, wondering what the human had said to Goku.

"It could have been worse." Dende said softly. "I think Yamcha just told Goku about the child of his, for if he had told the whole truth you know they never would have left."

Piccolo's eyes widened as the truth of Dende's words sank in. "Thank Kami...he didn't tell them." He sank to his knees, eyes closed.

"Um...are you ever going to tell them Piccolo?" Dende asked quietly.

Piccolo turned and glared at him in response.

Three years and one month later......

Piccolo sat floating in the air beside his favorite waterfall, scowling angrily. It had over three years since Yamcha had disappeared, going off to new Namek with his and Piccolo's offspring, as well as all the other eggs that had been lain as a result of Piccolo going into heat and mating with almost everyone in sight. He growled softly, the thought of his ex mate making tears come to his eyes, even after so much time. *I loved you dammit!* He thought angrily, then sighed and frowned. *I still do.* He opened his eyes and floated to the ground, staring down at the rushing water as a solitary tear trailed down his cheek. "I'm sorry I made you leave koi. I...I wish you would come home." He sat cross-legged on the ground, trying to imagine what Yamcha would look like after three years on Namek, and what the children would look like.

Neo-Namek.........

Yamcha sat at the base of a large tree, meditating. He had come a long way on Namek, the friendly beings eagerly taking him under their wing and teaching him their language, their fighting techniques, augmented by the eldest Namek unlocking Yamcha's hidden powers, and giving him a clarity and focus he had never before possessed. *It also doesn't hurt that they let me use their dragonballs to wish myself back to my physical prime, and for me to have the life span of the average Namek.* He chuckled softly.

His eyes snapped open as his son, Kyouto flopped to the ground beside him. "What's wrong son?" Yamcha asked, a soft breeze stirring his waist length unruly black hair. He turned to regard his and Piccolo's son, smiling softly at the boy who, like his mother, was already fully grown at the tender age of three as were the rest of the children that had hatched from Piccolo's eggs.

Yamcha's son had wide dark eyes like his father, the trademark Namek ears were smaller, and his skin was just a shade lighter than all the other Nameks. He was bald, and had the antennae, sharp teeth and nails of his mother. Also, he was not a hermaphrodite like his mother. He was strictly male.

Kyouto turned and regarded his father, scowling blackly. "When do I get to see your home father?" He asked. "I want to see Chikyuu, I want to meet my mother." "Now son we've been through this..." Yamcha began patiently. He had taken great pains to be as honest with all the children as possible, telling them about their conception, their mothers and fathers, and his world.

"I know you said mom wasn't ready to deal with kids, and she was scared cause of the way we were conceived, but I don't care. I just...wanna say hello. Besides..." He flopped onto his back, his white cape flitting in the air. "This place is boring. Chikyuu sounds so exciting."

Yamcha snickered. "Oh it can be I suppose. I just want you to understand that Chikyuu is very different. Here the world isn't ruled by currency and politics. It's a peaceful, uncomplicated existence. Man..." He turned and surveyed the landscape. "I love it here, it's a nice change from rat race back there."

"Rat race?" His son stared at him, one eyebrow ridge raised. "Hey there's Piccolo!" He grinned, sensing his best friend nearby.

Piccolo Jr. was hovering in the air, cross-legged, and Yamcha was again struck by how much the boy looked and acted like his father. *It's like he got nothing at all from Bulma's side.* Yamcha thought.

As seemed to be the case with most of the half Nameks, he was one gender only, but other than that one detail the boy obviously got most of his genes from his father. He was a perfect replica of Ma Jr. at three years of age.

Kyouto floated up and imitated his friends pose, the two boys scowling at each other for a few moments, before grinning and taking off into the sky, racing each other. Moments later Yamcha felt three more ki signatures join them.

"Looks like the gang's all here." He grinned, as he felt Gohan's son Yokobue, Videl's son Tatetogo and Goten's son Yobirin catch up with Piccolo and Kyouto.

He floated into the air and slowly made his way back to the village, savoring the warm sunshine and soft breeze. *Everything's so clean, so pure..* Yamcha thought to himself, looking down at the river as he passed. *And life is so much simpler too. Like I told Kyouto, no politics, no greed or corruption, crime rate of zero...they're better off here.*

He landed lightly in the village, and went into his house, which had grown considerably over the years to be the biggest in the village, next to the village elders house, because of his brood of nine children.

"Hey girls." He smiled as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Hi Dad!" Baiorin, Chi-Chi's daughter called, getting to her feet, running over and kissing him on the cheek.

"Daddy!" Sakkusu, Trunks' daughter squealed as she ran up and threw her arms around his neck.

Yamcha winced. He had tried to discourage all the children except for Kyouto from calling him Dad or Father, and call him Youfu, which meant adoptive father, instead. The boys had gone along with it, but the girls did not. "So, what have you two been up to today?" He asked with a smile, giving Sakkusu a kiss on the cheek. He was amazed that even the girls had grown to be almost as tall as him in the three short years they had been here.

"We've been hanging out watching Chenbaro and Kokyuu sparring." Baiorin rolled her eyes as she and Sakkusu giggled. "That's all they ever do is fight, and try to be stronger than each other."

"Hn...like fathers like daughters I guess." Yamcha snickered, remembering the constant contest between Vegeta and Goku.

"Daddy?" Sakkusu said, wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up at him as she batted her eyes. "When can we go see Chikyuu and meet our parents?"

Yamcha sighed and looked out the window. "Sounds like you've been talking to Kyouto...." Both girls nodded. "I've already explained to you..."

"We know, we know." Baiorin said, frowning. "You're not sure how they would feel about us, but is it fair for them to not know about us?" She came and stood in front of Yamcha, and he was struck by the resemblance she bore to her mother Chi-Chi right at that moment. "You said mom couldn't deal with all this, well you did!" She poked a finger at Yamcha when he winced at her words. "But do our biological parents even know we exist?" She demanded.

"Well...no.." He said, refusing to meet their eyes. "They didn't remember..ah.." He blushed. "You know..so Dende and Piccolo thought it would be best to leave things that way." Yamcha said quietly, shuffling his feet.

"Oh Dad..." Sakkusu said softly, resting her head on his shoulder. "You'll always be our Daddy..we don't have any intention of ditching you for the others..you're probably right, they won't have a clue how to deal with us." She chuckled. "But we just want to meet our parents, and see where we came from."

"That's right." Baiorin chimed in, hugging the human from the other side. "We love you Dad, and we always will, it would just be nice to meet them. Especially Piccolo." She said slyly, looking up to watch Yamcha's reaction. She pulled away and walked behind him when he flinched at the Namek's name.

"That's another reason for us to go back Daddy." Baiorin said as she reached up and touched the four circular scars on the back of his neck. "You still love Piccolo don't you?"

"WHAT?!" Yamcha turned and gaped at her.

Both girls giggled.

"Oh come on Dad..." Sakkusu smirked. "We asked Pimun one day what those marks were and why he kept shaking his head every time he saw them, and he told us that those marks meant that Piccolo had taken you for a life mate."

"Oh he did, did he?" Yamcha frowned, annoyed. "Well, I'll just have to remember to thank him for imparting that particular bit of information."

"Don't be angry Daddy." Sakkusu said as both girls embraced him once more. "Like we said, that's just another reason to consider going back, that's all."

Yamcha smiled, giving each of them a kiss on the forehead. "I know, and I'll think about it okay?" He turned and went back to making lunch.

An hour later, the rest of the children made their way in the front door. Chenbaro and Kokyuu were the first to reach the table, their half Saiyan blood giving them enormous appetites. Yokobue, Yobirin, and Sakkusu were next. Yamcha kept busy setting out more food, and smiled as Kyouto, Tategoto and Baiorin jumped in to help. "Hey Piccolo...aren't you going to eat?" He turned and looked at the boy floating in the air, cross-legged and scowling at his gluttonous siblings.

"I'm not hungry." He said crossly. Piccolo Jr. seemed to be trying to emulate the Nameks of the village, but his half human body demanded to be fed at least twice a day, which annoyed him to no end.

"Well, suit yourself." Yamcha shrugged and went back to dishing out food for the others.

Finally, all nine children and Yamcha were fed, the table was cleared, and the dishes were washed.

"Okay you guys, I gotta go talk to the elder about somethin, don't trash the place okay?" Yamcha grinned as he came around and gave the girls kisses on the forehead, and clapped the boys on the shoulder.

"We won't.." All except Kokyuu and Ma Jr. chimed, smiling sweetly at him.

Yamcha shook his head as he left the house, he knew the kids were up to something.

"Saa Yamcha..." The Namek Pimun clapped a hand onto his shoulder. "Your children grow restless to see their other home ne?"

Yamcha turned to the Namek, eyes narrowing slightly. "Yeah, no thanks to you. What was with telling them about these?" He pointed to the back of his neck. "They didn't need to know about that."

"Oh yes they did." The Namek stared down at him soberly. "You didn't see them wondering why you took them all in the way you did? Why you don't show favoritism to Kyouto, and why you try to always be fair with all of them?" He gripped Yamcha's shoulders gently. "You don't think they needed to know that you love Piccolo, and that's why you came here with them, and raised them as your own?"

Yamcha hung his head, looking at the ground. "I...I just..I don't know.." He whispered.

"Listen to me." Pimun forced Yamcha to meet his eyes. "Piccolo is their common parent. Finding out that you love him is a thread that binds you all together. They needed to hear that you loved each other, that you still do..." He said, releasing Yamcha and stepping back. "If you don't mind my saying so, I think you should listen to your children and consider taking them to Chikyuu. I think Piccolo would be ready to handle them now." Pimun smirked. "Just make sure Dende prepares the others for their children's arrival."

Yamcha smiled slyly. "I know. Actually I was kind of on my way to see if I could get in touch with him anyway." He laughed. "The kids are having one of their rare conferences, and I know I stand about a snowballs chance in hell with all nine of them plotting against me." Both of them laughed.

"Good luck my friend." Pimun smiled before going his own way.

"Yeah, thanks man.." Yamcha smiled before continuing on to the elder's home.

"Come on you guys! Think!" Kyouto glared at his siblings. "We've got to come up with a surefire way to get Dad to admit his feelings for our mom...or dad..in come cases.." he looked over at Piccolo Jr., Baiorin and Tategoto. "And convince him that the best thing for all of us would be to go to Chikyuu."

"Yeah, I wanna see it." Sakkusu frowned. "Sounds like a cool place."

"I don't care about the stupid planet." Kokyuu sneered, crossing his arms and scowling. "I just want to meet my father Vegeta. Yamcha says he would be impressed by my strength, and that I'm at least as strong as his first born son, maybe even a little stronger." He raised his head and glared at them.

"It doesn't matter if I am accepted by my father or not, I just want to see Dad get back together with mom.." Chenbaro said softly. "That's the real reason I want to go." The other eight children nodded, growing quiet.

"Well then!" Baiorin clapped her hands and grinned. "Guess that cinches it! We're going to Chikyuu!"

"How are we going to convince Dad of that?" Tategoto asked, blue eyes sweeping the room.

"Hm..guess we do it the same way we've always done it." Sakkusu giggled. "Bug the living crap out of him until he gives in!" They all laughed.

The elder's home.....

"So Yamcha...you have decided to go home?" The old Namek regarded him intently.

"Well...ah..not so much go home, just visit Piccolo for a little while?" Yamcha grinned sheepishly. "But I need to talk to Dende and tell him to warn the children's parents first, sort of prepare them for our arrival."

The eldest Namek nodded. "Very well. I will speak to Dende for you, and I would advise you to wait a few days before taking the children to Chikyuu...these humans...no offence my son.." He placed a hand on Yamcha's head. "These other humans...are unpredictable, strange sometimes..and the Saiyans.." He shook his head.

Yamcha nodded. "Yeah I know, and you're right elder, tell Dende to expect us a week from today, that should give him plenty of time to tell Piccolo, and give Piccolo a chance to tell the others." He sighed. "Should give Dende a couple of days to heal Piccolo after they get through with him. Man when they find out what happened...oh they're going to freak." Yamcha frowned, hoping they didn't hurt the kids feelings too badly. *Well, at least I was honest with them, so they'll be somewhat prepared if it turns out this way..* He thought. "Okay, tell Dende to expect us one week today." Yamcha waved and made his way home to give the kids the good news.

"Wow! For real?" Kyouto stared at his father, eyes wide. "We're going to Chikyuu?" He asked again.

"Yup, one week from today." Yamcha grinned, then meeped as Sakkusu and Baiorin squealed and executed flawless dual flying tackle glomps, the three of them flying through two rooms and crashing into a wall. Yamcha lay on the floor, stunned, as the two girls jumped up and began dancing around the room.

Kokyuu and Chenbaro smirked at each other and began to wrestle, cackling as they bounced each other off the walls. Yokobue, Yobirin and Tategoto did high fives and whooped with glee as they ran to their rooms to pack.

Yamcha sat up, shaking his head, then laughed as he watched the children's antics. His laughter died as he looked up and noticed Piccolo Jr. floating in the air, cross-legged with his arms folded, scowling severely at his siblings. Yamcha suppressed a snicker as Kyouto snuck up behind his brother, a wicked grin on his face. Yamcha threw back his head and howled with laughter as his son tackled Piccolo and sent him crashing to the table.

Piccolo Jr. snarled and began to fight back, both of them rolling off the table and hitting the floor with a thud. The two half Nameks jumped to their feet, and Yamcha fell over laughing as Kyouto snickered and dashed through the house, Piccolo hot on his heels waving his fists in the air.

Yamcha wiped the tears from his eyes and grew serious. "Now if only the gang would react half as well to the news of their kids..." But he knew it was not to be. "Ah well, better make sure everybody starts packing I guess." He said, getting up and rounding up the kids.

Dende's lookout.....

"Oh my.." Dende stood stock still, eyes wide. "One week? Well...alright elder. I'll make sure they're all told." The young guardian sighed and shook his head. "Mr. Popo, I need you to round up Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Trunks, Goten, Videl, Chi-Chi, and Bulma. I'll take care of finding Piccolo. Take your time, I'll need a few minutes alone with him first."

"Very well Dende, but do you mind if I ask why?" Mr. Popo said softly.

"Yamcha and the children are coming home in seven days." Dende whispered.

Mr. Popo's eyes bugged, and he raced to his flying carpet and streaked over the edge of the lookout.

Piccolo's waterfall....

*Piccolo!* The Namek jumped as he heard the guardian's voice in his head. "What do you want?" He muttered, in a bad mood. *You need to come to the lookout! I have important news!* "What is it this time?" He sighed. *Yamcha and the children are coming to Chikyuu in seven days time.* Dende informed him bluntly. "WHAT?!" Piccolo shrieked, shooting into the air and making it to the lookout in record time. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE'S COMING HERE? HE CAN'T COME HERE! HE CAN'T BRING THOSE KIDS HERE...NOT NOW, NOT EVER!" Piccolo paced anxiously. "Don't you see? The Z fighters will totally lose it if they find out about the kids...I..they can't know." He growled. "You tell him to stay there!"

"I can't, the elder is supporting Yamcha in this, they're coming, and that's all there is to it." Dende said, crossing his arms. "Frankly Piccolo I am a little shocked by you. I can't believe you think your friends would be so callous as to not even try to accept their own children. Give them a chance Piccolo." Dende walked over and touched his arm. "Besides...is it really fair to expect Yamcha to spend the rest of his life on Namek, away from his home, his family and friends?"

Piccolo strode to the edge of the lookout, staring down, his fists clenched. "No.." He whispered. "It's not..but why couldn't he come back here? Just him first? I want.." He trailed off.

"Piccolo." Dende admonished gently. "You can't expect him, the only parent they've had over the last three years, to walk away from them like that, even for a short time."

Piccolo sighed. "You're right...I guess. So, I suppose now we have the difficult task of informing the Z fighters and the women that they slept with me and their kids are coming back huh?" He shuddered, imagining the Saiyan's reactions to such news.

"Yes, and we'd better be prepared now, because here they come!" Dende stood beside his friend, eyes wide.

Piccolo stood, shoulders squared, jaw set and fists clenched as the Z fighters landed on the edge of the lookout, Vegeta and Goku holding hands, Trunks carrying Bulma, Goten carrying Chi-Chi, and Gohan carrying Videl.

"Hey guys...why the long faces?" Goku grinned innocently. "What's up?"

"Why have you brought us here? What's going on?" Vegeta demanded.

Piccolo sighed, and decided to take a page from Vegeta's book and just come right out and say it. "Okay, here's the deal. Three years ago I went into heat, I had no control over my actions, and I ended up sleeping with each of you. I got pregnant from all the males, and impregnated all the females. After a short time, I laid a clutch of eggs, and Bulma, Chi-Chi and Videl each had an egg as well. Shortly afterward, Dende sent all the eggs to new Namek, and Yamcha, who was..." Piccolo paused, his voice quavering slightly. "Supposed to be my mate, took off with them. He..he wouldn't stand by and be separated from his child, and he's stuck by them for the last three years." He turned away and hung his head. "I'm sorry, I thought it would be best if you just never knew...so..I hid them, and made sure the women wouldn't remember." He said.

The reactions were varied. Gohan, Goten and Trunks fainted, Goku facevaulted, Videl and Chi-Chi slumped to the floor, arms wrapped around each other, and Bulma and Vegeta stalked over to Piccolo.

"Hey buster! What right did you have to send my kid anywhere?" Bulma screeched.

Vegeta paused, surprised by her words, then said his own piece. "So, that day with Kakarott and I...in the forest. That was you." He turned and studied Goku intently, heart pounding. *Kakarott....* He thought, face paling as it occurred to him that now that they knew the truth, Goku might think their whole relationship was a farce. *I...I don't know what to make of this..* The prince thought, confused. He turned and streaked over the edge of the lookout to be alone for a few moments.

"Vegeta!" Goku cried, racing after his mate.

Piccolo winced in pain as Bulma continued to screech at him, while Chi-Chi and Videl took care of the unconscious men. "You get that kid back here now!" She demanded. "I am upset about sleeping with you but we can deal with that later! Right now I want my kid! You bring it back right now!" She shouted, pounding her fists on his chest.

"Bulma please!" Dende cried, racing over and grabbing her wrists. "There's no need for this, you'll see your child soon enough!"

"Huh?" She turned wide blue eyes to him.

"Yamcha will be coming back to Chikyuu in exactly one week with all nine of them." Dende said. The young guardian squeaked as Bulma grabbed him in a bear hug.

"Alright! That's awesome!" Bulma cried, holding Dende's hands and dancing around. "I'm gonna see my kid, oh by the way! Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Um..I'm not sure..we'll find out soon though." Dende sweatdropped.

"Wow, this is great!" Bulma cried happily.

Videl and Chi-Chi glanced at each other uneasily as they tended to Trunks, Goten and Gohan, who were finally beginning to stir.

To Be Continued..........

Wahhhh! I did it again! *LOL* Oh my how will all the others react? And what's up with Vegeta? Find out next time, and let me know how you like this chapter!!

Johnnyjosh.