An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day,
so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said
to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health.
Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time,
I am usually hot and sweaty and then after I have sex with her the second time,
I'm usually cold and chilly."
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said:
"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns
that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern.
He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time
with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fool!" she replied.
"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!
***
What a woman really wants:
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward them. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.'
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she gladly pressed into the young man's hand. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, 'Clean my house.'
***
The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news.
That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
***
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: meat, eggs, or blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your eggs or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.
