A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned
that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ
because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real.
He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
Little Johnny said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"
***
For any of my friends who "THINK" they are computer illiterate...this should definitely cure you of that fallacy!
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble- shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends, "the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of
geeks."
Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
After reading this I will never refer to myself as computer illiterate or PC challenged again...Hell I'm a computer genius!!!
***
Some Startling Statistics...
Number of physicians in the U.S. - 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year -120,000
Accidental deaths per physician - 0.171
Number of gun owners in the U.S. - 80,000,000
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) - 1,500
Accidental deaths per gun owner - 0.0000188
Therefore, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Scary, huh?
From the Benton County News Tribune 17, November 1999
***
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, she started to wonder if there was more between John and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mother's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking but I assure you Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John saying, "ever since your Mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose that your mother took it, do you?"
John said, "Well I doubt it, but I'll send her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house. I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother, which read:
Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now...
Love, Mom
Lesson of the day........Don't lie to your Mom
