Oh Joyous Winter!
John Lehning
Winter is the most complained about season of all. There are a multitude of viable and completely understandable reasons for this: the cold, the bad driving conditions, and not seeing the sun for three months. However, as a child of winter who was born during a blizzard, I have to stick up for my season. So for that reason, and to cheer up all the depressed people from more temperate places, I have decided to point out some of the joys of winter in Ann Arbor.
1. Snow art. Snow brings out the artist in all of us. Few things can match the unadulterated joy of creation as you flop over into a foot of snow and flap your arms and legs like a goofball to make a snow angel. For all of the commuters out there, snow allows a pastime while waiting for buses which are always late when the weather is bad (and also, when the weather is not bad). Rather than staring blankly into the distance for the bus, commuters can get in touch with their creative sides by sketching little doodles or writing messages in the snow with their feet. But perhaps the most impressive snow art is sculpture. Traditionally snowmen are built, but in the cultured town of Ann Arbor, we have recognized that the snowman movement is finished. Instead, our local avant-garde has taken to erecting giant snow-penises. I expect that these will start springing up anytime now.
2. Salt-sand debate. Surely as winter brings ice and snow, it also brings the great salt-sand debate. For as long as I have attended school here, I have looked forward to this heartfelt tradition of the university community. It kicks off after the first big snowfall of the year, after groundspeople spread sand on the sidewalks to melt the snow. A few days later some out-of-state freshmen writes to the Daily that the sand ruined his $120 pair of shoes and $60 pair of pants, and calls angrily for the use of salt rather than sand. In response to this, a know-it-all graduate student writes in to say that the salt corrodes the university buildings, and that the freshmen was a dumbass for not buying a pair of winter boots, and then it goes back and forth for several weeks. Perhaps I have spoiled this year’s debate with this synopsis, but I’m sure that some of you out there will be able to overcome my small obstacle.
3. Snow tastes better than dorm food. This is self-evident. When I was a freshmen, we rejoiced when it began to snow, for we knew we would finally be getting a good meal. Of course, times were a lot leaner then; we weren’t blessed with the bounty of this year’s snowfall, but for two months, we were able to forgo the dorm cafeteria.
4. Walking over the diag "M." I’m sure everyone is familiar with the curse of the "M" on the diag. Well, when it is covered in snow, one may walk over it, for one is just walking on snow, so technically, the curse is not in effect. I know this, because, as a freshman I did it right before my first bluebook. I failed it, and originally, I thought that perhaps the aura of the "M" even penetrated through snow. However, after failing every other bluebook I’ve taken since, I’ve come to realize that it was not the fault of the curse, but my own stupidity (If anybody else has experimental results, please pass them along).
5. Laughing at smokers. Whether at Dennison, Angell Hall, or the Media Union, this is truly one of winter’s most humorous sports. I chuckle just thinking of all the times I’ve stood on the warm side looking out at the smokers, tapping on the glass and laughing at the bundled up forms shivering and puffing away out in the cold!
6. You can cover yourself up. If you’re ugly, like me, no doubt you’ve realized this already. Readers, you have probably seen me around without knowing it – I’m the guy who wears a scarf all the way up to his eyes as soon as the temperature dips below 50 degrees.
7. Watching people fall down. This is my personal favorite! Even more fun that laughing at smokers is watching people slip and fall on icy or wet surfaces. The key to this activity is finding a good place to watch. Although I won’t divulge any of my personal favorite spots, I will advise that entrances to buildings are usually prime places, as the floors are wet and slippery from all the melted snow that has been tracked in.
8. The days are shorter. Oh yes, and you know what that means! Awww yeah, the nights are longer! Oh baby, so now when you pull an all-niter, you’ve got more time than ever to cram that information into your brain!
So I don’t want to hear any more complaints. From now on, everybody, look on the bright side with me and appreciate the wonderful season of winter.