JD: Before we begin, Monica, would you like some tea or coffee?

ML: No, thank you.

JD: Or would you like to�SUCK ON THIS!!!

ML: No, I don�t feel for a Popsicle right now.

JD: Ah, more for me then. Monica, there�s something I wanted to ask you for a long time now.

ML: Sure, go right ahead.

JD: Are you now, or have you ever been, engaged in a lesbian relationship with Linda Tripp? Oh yeah�and are you a communist?

ML: Oh god! That�s so icky! How can you even ask me that sort of question? Of course I�m not a communist! I�m a strong believer in the free-market capitalist economy as enunciated by Adam Smith and Milton Friedman.

JD: Thanks for clearing that up but what about my crude lesbian smear?

ML: Why that�s just plain silly, John Doh. I never looked at Linda in that way.

JD: My mistake then. I was just imagining you as a very young and tender intern, alone in the big city, used and abused by the President of the United States, forced to service his ding-dong as one would scarf down a slurpie. Oh, the humanity! Then along comes Larry�err, I mean Linda. A tough yet caring broad with unbelievable upper-body strength, Linda befriends you and offers to give you a neck-rub with her strong masculine hands. You confide in her, trusting her chiseled face and body. Under a certain light, she even looks like Dennis Rodman-only whiter and more macho. The neck-rub stops and Linda is next to you now, the hardness of her body pressing into your supple softness. She whispers in your ear, �I may not have been born with all the right �equipment� but I�ve got one mean strap-on!��

ML: Awwww, yes! Ohhhh, baby! Awwwwwwwww. YES! YES!

JD: Monica, are you having an orgasm right now?

ML: Hmmm�yes I am, John.

JD: Well, would you mind not having it in the middle of my interview! Oh great, now you�ve stained my chair and please stop riding the armrest!

ML: Sorry John, I must have gotten carried away.

JD: That�s OK, kid. Why don�t you just�.SUCK ON THIS!!!

ML: A lollipop. No thanks, I�m on a diet.

(end of interview)