February 18, 1998
Dear Sir or Madam,
First off let me say that I enjoy your CARAMILK candy bars very much. I am not ashamed to go as far as saying that they rank #1 amongst all candy bars with regard to great taste. I easily consume 12-13 bars a week. Over my lifetime that adds up to approximately 20,000 bars. That no doubt ranks me as one of your better customers, eh.? Perhaps you could spare a couple of coupons for such a valued customer?
The real reason I am writing to you is to clarify a question dealing with the ingredients of the CARAMILK bar. Watching the commercials, you are given the impression that it is filled with caramel. Then you read the label and there is no mention of caramel. Please explain. I anxiously await your reply.
Sincerely yours,
John Doh
P.O. Box 2959
Hearst, Ontario
P0L 1N0
Canada
March 3, 1998
Mr. John Doh
P.O. Box 2959
HEARST, ON P0L 1N0
Dear Mr. Doh:
We would like to thank you for taking the time to write us about your affection for our Caramilk bar. It's always nice to hear what our consumers are thinking about our products.
The reason why the word caramel does not appear on the ingredient statement is because it is not an ingredient, it is a filling for the centre of the bar. The caramel is made by combining an number of the ingredients (like sugar, skim milk, etc), all of which are listed on the ingredient statement.
We hope we have clarified this for you. In appreciation for the time you have taken, we have enclosed a complimentary coupon so that you may enjoy a treat on us. The coupon may be redeemed for any of our products at most major retailers. Enjoy!
Sincerely,
Rose Tuzi
Supervisor, Consumer Services
March 18, 1998
Dear Rose,
I was ecstatic when I received your letter in the mail. I was especially eager to redeem the coupon you so generously provided me with. My week couldn't have been going any better. Along with your letter, I had just been accepted into our community's newly formed "Guardian Angel" program. I had just been issued my Red Beret along with a shiny whistle. Boy was I proud. My earlier rejection for the position of Meter Maid had left me extremely depressed and despondent. That very day I decided to walk to the local grocer and pick up my free CARAMILK bar. That was when the day took a turn for the worst. I was accosted by a roving gang of idiot savant midget sumo wrestlers. They savagely beat me about the shins demanding that I surrender my rubber ducky and my precious coupon. The ruthless fiends destroyed the coupon before my very eyes. I understandably started to ball like a sissy girl. What else could I do? Could you please send me another? I anxiously took forward to your reply.
Sincerely yours,
John Doh
P.O. Box 2959
Hearst, Ontario
P0L 1N0
Canada
March 23, 1998
Mr. John Doh
P.O. Box 2959
HEARST, ON P0L 1N0
Dear John:
Thank you for your creative letter. Rather than send you a coupon and have you possibly once again accosted by a roving gang of midget sumo wrestlers, we have decided to send you a few complimentary samples of Caramilk bars instead. Lock your doors, close the window shades, sit back and enjoy!
Regards,
Rose Tuzi
Supervisor, Consumer Services
December 03, 1998
Dear Rose,
I must first apologize for my belated reply to your extremely thoughtful letter and generous care package. I was going to write to you immediately but an unforeseen series of circumstances prevented this. Upon receipt of your tasty treats I was overcome by a flood of emotion. The overwhelming excitement resulted in me stubbing my toe quite seriously on a nearby piece of furniture. On my way to the ground I broke my glass coffee table, overturned the water cooler, switched on the television set and almost managed to order a pizza before I hit the floor with a thud but unfortunately was unable to give my address before my Road Runner phone shattered on the floor. This of course re-aggravated an old combat injury suffered while I was serving as a member of an elite TOP SECRET Guatemalan commando unit. I would have no doubt parished save for the sustenance your CARIMILK BARS provided me with for the nearly 5 days I lay helpless on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, watching Baywatch reruns. Your genuine compassion in response to the nefarious act of unspeakable savagery perpetrated upon my person by those vertically challenged delinquents was very much appreciated and no doubt played a major role in my survival of this most recent ordeal. In fact, your kind words and generosity prompted me to change my life in a profound and meaningful way. Instead of wallowing in sorrow I chose to better myself by enrolling in Sally Struther's International Correspondence School. Mere days after graduating from the accelerated program in the field of my choice (master seamstress) I was offered the job of my dreams. Now I am responsible for the fabrication and maintenance of M.C. Hammer's entire wardrobe of stylish yet functional baggy pants. A far cry from the expectations expressed by my high school guidance counselor regarding my future. I was destined for a life of chronic failure was I? Does a failure drive a souped-up moped with a cool bell, capable of reaching speeds in excess of 25km an hour. I don't think so. Thank you again for your unwavering support in my time of need. I anxiously look forward to your reply.
Sincerely yours,
John Doh
P.O. Box 2959
Hearst, Ontario
P0L 1N0
Canada
December 11, 1998
Mr. John Doh
P.O. Box 2959
HEARST, ON P0L 1N0
Dear John:
Thank you once again for a very creative and entertaining letter. We were glad to hear that the Caramilk bars we sent, provided you with sustenance while you lay helpless on the floor, sobbing and watching Baywatch reruns.
Again, thank you for writing and we wish you continued enjoyment of our Cadbury products.
Regards,
Rose Tuzi
Supervisor, Consumer Services
