April,18,1997

Dear Sir or Madam,

I was amazed to read on the label of your product that you recommend a maximum use of 12 aspirin per day. I have thought long and hard about situations which would require the use of 12 tablets. I managed to come up with several instances which I feel meet this criteria.
1) Being bitch-slapped by the Pilsbury Dough Boy.
2) Being mistaken for a biker mama.
3) Requiring the use of the Jaws of Life to free your testicles from a jammed car door.
4) Having been raped by Barney the dinosaur.
5) Finding out you were the only white guy at the Million Man March.
6)You mistakenly wandered backstage at a Village People concert.
Do you agree that the above mentioned situations warrant the use of 12 aspirin? What other situations do you feel could fall into this category? Thank you for your time and effort in reading my letter. I anxiously await your reply.

Best Regards,


John Doh
P.O. Box 1385
Hearst, Ontario
P0L 1N0

Consumer Care Division

Bayer Inc.
77 Belfield Road
Etobicoke, Ontario
M9W lG6
Telephone (416) 248-0771
Facsimile (416) 248-3020

May 7, 1997


Mr. John Doh
P.O. Box 1385
Hearst, Ontario
POL INO

Dear Mr. Doh:

Thank you for your letter requesting information regarding the maximum daily dose of ASPIRIN. The maximum allowable daily intake for ASPIRIN is 4.0 g. As such, 12 tablets could be consumed in one day.

There are many conditions which would require patients to take this amount of ASPIRIN. As indicated on the packaging, ASPIRIN may be used for relief of headaches, and relief of pain and discomfort of colds, fever, arthritis or rheumatism.

As pain tolerance for each individual is different, the amount of intake of a pain reliever will also be different. This is particularly the case in patients with arthritic or rheumatic pain, in which higher doses are generally required for pain relief.

Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,


BAYER INC.


Sarah Gable
Consumer Relations





Attention: Sarah Gable
Bayer Inc.
Consumer Care Division
77 Belfield Road
Etobicoke, Ontario
M9W IG6

May, 28, 1997

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your prompt response to my April,18,1997 letter. I assume by reading your reply that you agree with the conditions I mentioned which would require the use of 12 aspirin. I have since come up with several other situations which might fit into this category. I have taken the liberty to list them below:
1)Being trapped in an elevator with Idi Amin between meals.
2)Travelling to Fantasy Island and getting into a bar room brawl with Tattoo.
3)Being rendered temporarily unconscious as a direct result of being swarmed by Craig Kielburger and his posse!!
4)Having to graft pubic hair onto your scalp as demonstrated by Jean Charest.
5)Being stalked by Chef Boyardee.
6)Getting bushwacked by foul smelling assailants wielding wet noodles.
I am curious to hear your opinion with regards to these situations as they relate to your product. I hope you can find time in your busy day to respond to my letter. I anxiously await your reply.

NO REPLY

Sincerely yours,


John Doh
P.O. Box 1385
Hearst, Ontario
P0L 1N0

Consumer Care Division
Bayer Inc.
Attention: Sarah Gable
77 Belfield Road
Etobicoke, Ontario
M9W IG6

July,03,1997

Dear Sarah,

I have yet to receive a response to my May, 28, 1997 letter. I am sure it is currently in the mail and I will soon be receiving it since you did tell me not to hesitate to contact you if I had further comments or questions. I await your reply patiently. In the interim I have cataloged more situations which I feel would warrant the use of 12 aspirin. I have shared them with you below:
1)Being told Mad Cow disease runs in your family.
2)Finding out the hard way that you should really unplug the wood chipper before you put your hand in there!
3)You are the first to sign up for a BRE-EX sponsored cruise celebrating the final voyage of the Titanic!
4)Being told the real reason the dinosaurs went extinct: Sally Struthers disrupted the food chain.
5)Being told by the United Nations that your body odor is the #1 cause of ozone depletion.
6)Witnessing the first disabled ULTIMATE FIGHTING bout featuring Larry Flint and Christopher Reeve!
Please let me know if these situations qualify with relation to the use of 12 aspirin as stated on your packaging. I anxiously await your reply.

NO REPLY

Sincerely yours,


John Doh
P.O. Box 2959
Hearst, Ontario
P0L 1N0