Are you sad? Lonely? Or just plain pissed off at someone? Well friend, look no further! JDSS offers one-stop shopping for all your spiritual needs. Just take a look at our vast array of miraculous products and you'll know that the Catholic Church is full of shit:
For only $5... one of John Doh's ordained ministers will pray for you. For only $10... John Doh himself will pray for you. For only $3 ... you get a prayer mat/paper napkin for your devotionals. For only $20... you get an authentic Holy Bible. For only $30...you get an authentic Holy Bible with John Doh's signature. For only $50 ... you get an authentic Holy Bible with John Doh's signature and an inspirational message. For only $5... you get a tissue bearing the sweat of John Doh's brow. For only $20... become ordained as a Disciple of Dohism (comes with certificates). For only $1000...become a member of John Doh's Golden Circle. For only $10 (or a nude photo) ... become a member of John Doh's Elite All-Female "I Got The Spirit" Bikini Team. For only S6 ... John Doh will reveal to you your true, and very profound, cosmic mantra. For only $12 ... you get a packet of John Doh approved Kool- Aid mix (supplies limited). For only $5000 ... John Doh will concentrate very hard and bring about Cosmic Convergence and World Peace. For only $20 ... get a vial of soil from the Holy Land, otherwise known as Northern Ontario. For only $100 ... John Doh will stare very hard at a television screen and, with all his tremendous spiritual energy, make a network anchorman blink ... twice. For only $15... John Doh will sit cross-legged on the floor. For only $5... John Doh will eat a morsel of food as he thinks of starving Third World children.
Send your contributions to John Doh: P.O. Box 2959 Hearst, Ontario POL INO Canada
