AD's exclusive look at the brackets, the picks, and the
controversy.
For the first time ever, 16 of the greatest thinkers of all time will get a chance to settle a burning question. Blonde or brunette? And after they do that, they'll get down to the first ever World Championship of Philosophy (sponsored by the good folks here at Artificial Dissemination), for bragging rights and a first place prize of 30 lire. Not even the fact that most of it's members died centuries ago has stopped this great field from assembling. AD has an exclusive peek at the brackets below.
As always, there was some controversy over the picks. Some accused the selection committee of a European bias, while one member of the committee resigned in anger over being unable to convince others that Martin Heidigger ought to make the cut. Responded selection committee chair John DeWolfe - "On Being and Time, my ass!" Others complain their favourites are seeded too low. DeWolfe admits some trouble with the rankings. "A
fourteen seed is probably too low for Confucius, but we have
to take into account strength of schedule, and when he played the Chinese division was fairly weak." Officials with the CPL (Chinese Philosophy League) complain that central rankings have always underestimated the strength of the Chinese division because it is farther from key TV markets.
However, few argue that the field is strong, and whoever makes it through to the finals will have earned their wins indeed. Of course, no one can know who'll win until the tournament gets underway, but the staff here at AD are willing to share our wisdom to help you out in that office pool.
ROUND ONE
#1 Plato vs #16 Jean-Paul Sartre
-a classic veteran vs rookie matchup. Some people are calling
for an upset here, but we remind you that no #1 philosophy seed
has ever lost to a #16. Pick Plato and take the points.
#8 Aristotle vs #9 Voltaire
-You might as well flip a coin, so we did. Voltaire takes it.
#4 Karl Marx vs #13 John Locke
-Marxism vs liberalism. Haven't we seen this somewhere before? We
like Locke (and alliteration).
#5 Immanuel Kant vs #12 Rene Descartes
- a German vs a Frenchman? See above, and go with Kant.
#2 Thomas Hobbes vs #15 Saint Augustine
- There's always one big upset in the first round, and we think it might be here. Why. Because John DeWolfe is deciding this thing, and he hates Thomas Hobbes.
#7 Thomas Jefferson vs #10 Adam Smith
- The man behind America's dominant political system versus the man behind America's dominant economic system. Since politics don't matter anymore, we like the economist.
#3 John Stuart Mill vs #14 Confucius
- Confucius will be surprisingly tough for a #14 seed, but we wouldn't want to take any liberties with this pick. Play it safe and stick with Mill.
#6 Freidrich Nietszche vs #11 Jean Jacques Rousseau
-not even Superman could save JJ. The German takes it.
ROUND TWO
#1 Plato vs #9 Voltaire
-just as sure as he'll celebrate his win with a gay orgy, Plato
moves on to the semis.
#13 John Locke vs #5 Immanuel Kant
-Kant can't pull off two in a row. Locke has a lock on a semi-final position.
#15 Saint Augustine vs #10 Adam Smith
-The early scholar of an old religion takes on the early scholar of our new one. Catholicism has God, but capitalism has the cash.
We like Smith.
#3 J.S. Mill vs #6 Freidrich Nietszche
-if you don't think utilitarianism can carry the day, get bent(ham). Mill wins easily.
SEMI-FINALS
#1 Plato vs #13 John Locke
-The highest seed left faces the lowest, and there are no surprises here. Plato cakewalks into the final easier than he corrupted the legacy of Socrates.
#10 Adam Smith vs #3 J.S. Mill
-One provides the economic underpinnings of modern society, and the other the social. Again, it's all about the commerce. Take Smith to cover the spread.
FINALS
#1 Plato vs #10 Adam Smith
-This should be the best match of the tournament (and a bit of a surprise to the mainstream press, who predict a Plato/Mill final). Looks like the Greek gets smacked by the invisible hand, and Adam Smith wins it all. But that's just our pick...
