With the war for independence against Canadian imperial troops dragging into its second month, Cole Harbour strongman Gen. John DeWolfe took the opportunity to strengthen his position by pre-emptively purging members of his trusted inner circle. A prominent co-founder of the Cole Harbour independence movement, Chris Windeyer, has been placed under house arrest following his scathing criticism of the most prominent pro-DeWolfe weekly in Cole Harbour, Useless Jargon. Windeyer also insinuated inappropriate plotting between DeWolfe and Daniel Hicks, the man widely expected to replace Windeyer as DeWolfe's top deputy. In response, Windeyer was arrested on charges of "counter-revolutionary utterances", sedition, and high treason. Known Windeyer-loyalist Nic Carmichael has also been charged by DeWolfe's secret police force, but he has left Cole Harbour as of press time and is expected to seek political asylum in Denmark.
The Cole Harbo-Canadian War has, to date, proven to be a defensive one on the ground. Troops on both sides have settled into a series of trenches around the perimeter of Colby Drive, with little movement either way in the last couple of weeks despite staggering losses in manpower. Early Canadian advances along Cranberry Crescent and down Montague Road have met with similar resistance, as the surprisingly well armed CHRA has settled into a war of attrition. Due to the nature of the conflict, support for Canadian intervention has dropped, putting pressure on Prime Minister Jean Chretien to pull back his troops. The Liberal government has vowed, however, to press on for the time being, with Defense Minister Art Eggleton stating that "intense public pressure has never forced this government away from an ill-conceived venture before, why should it now?"
Although the war has been a stalemate on the ground, Cole Harbour's air force has continued its mastery in the skies, downing two Canadian warplanes in the last week. Newly minted Air Marshall Jacquelyn Walters attributes her pilots' success to the increased morale that comes with good leadership. "Serving under a known traitor to the cause can't have been good for these boys' heads. Fortunately, Windeyer is out and the force has someone at the top to set a good moral example in how to properly serve the Revolution."
To cap off an excellent week in which Daniel Hicks was promoted within the CHSF hierarchy and got rid of long-time rival Chris Windeyer, Hicks laid some serious pipe with a couple of freaky hippie chicks. The girls, who seemed enthralled with Hicks' status as a bonafide revolutionary and modern day Che Guevara, availed themselves of the Colonel's three foot long penis in a variety of manners. According to Hicks' press secretary the sexual encounter, which lasted in excess of eight hours, involved large quantites of oral pleasuring as well as a rare performance of the legendary "Double Dominican face sit". Rumours of an alleged use of the missionary position have risen, but Hicks flat out denies them. When asked about future plans for the wide-eyed young girls, Hicks stated that he had "pretty much had his fill with them", but would pass them along to Gen. DeWolfe as a professional courtesy.
