By: Johnathan M. Cobb
It snowed last night.
Hard.
I couldn't see the house next door,
only my reflection in the cold window.
I couldn't even look my own reflection in the eyes.
Instead,
I watched the snow's steady,
relentless fall.
I lost myself in the sight.
On and on it fell,
steadily,
ever downward.
I became the ground.
The snow matched the coldness of
the empty space where
my heart once resided.
I was buried by the snow,
a cold and lonely funeral.
It buried my pain,
my guilt,
my anger,
my mistakes.
I slept.
I awoke
to a frozen wasteland.
The landscape was as a fresh sheet of paper
unmarred by human hand,
empty and yet full of promise.
As I gazed at the scene before me,
my past came
rushing
at me.
It nearly knocked me over in
its fury.
Back it all came.
My mistakes.
My guilt.
My pain.
My anger.
My eyes rested on a set of footprints
in the snow.
I wondered
where
they
led.
where
my
life is going.
And why.
I could follow the footprints
and
see
where they lead ...
but
my heart
is too heavy
for me to move.
I cannot
tell
where my life is going.
I'm not
sure
that I really
want to know.
Fear
of the unknown
is
a powerful thing.
My future
lies perpetually
around
the
next
turn,
only a step
away,
yet
so far beyond
my
reach.
I pray that sleep will
once again
overtake me.
It is my only escape
from
myself.
I long for
the healing embrace
of
slumber.
I long for
the embrace
of the grave ...
the bittersweet
kiss
of death.
True escape ...
today it is not mine.
Another
step,
another
turn
on this
path of many sorrows ...
will this never
end?
