The Greatest Fairy Tale

                                                                                   By

                                                                      John C. Orlando, Jr

            
"God is dead.  God remains dead. And we have killed him...What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent?."                  
                                                                 - Friedrich Nietzche, "Parable of the Madman"
          

"All religions are myths. These are man made fairy tales designed to give some people control over other people."
                                           - The Skeptic

"Maybe the man-made fairy tale is the one that says Christianity is a myth that was designed to give some people control over other people?"

                                             - The Believer


And now for the story:


TEACHER:  "Okay boys and girls, today we're going to learn all about the creation of the universe and how human beings came into existence!"

LITTLE JOHNNY:  "COOL!"  Teacher, I already know that!  My Mom and Dad and the Church we go to told us that God created everything, and that we're special in God's sight! Isn't that cool!"

TEACHER:  "Uh, yeah, right.  Uh, look Johnny, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but we are in science class, not religion class.  And since this is science class, and we deal solely with the observable facts, it is my duty and obligation as a teacher to tell you that science has long since demonstrated that God does not exist.  I'm sorry Johnny, but, to put it bluntly, what you said is just a fairy tale, kind of like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, that people have made up to help them get along in life. And since there is no God, I would ask that there be no reference to any God, especially Jesus, in this class. This is science class boys and girls, not Church.  And remember what the Constitution says about "Separation of Church and State."

LITTLE JOHNNY:  "But my Mother said that Separation of Church and State isn't in the Constitution, and that the idea that those people who lived a long time ago had was that they just wanted to make sure that the people in the government couldn't tell me who to worship.  My Mom even told me that we have freedom of speech and of religion."

TEACHER:  "Whatever.  Look, that's your mom's interpretation, okay, and she's free to have that opinion.  But in this classroom, it is my opinion that counts.  So, let's move on."

The teacher moved over to the left side of the black board where there was a picture of stars and planets, and a diagram of the evolutionary tree.

TEACHER:  "Once upon time, long, long ago, there was nothing.  That's right boys and girls.  Absolutely nothing!  Then, poof, there was something!  This "something," which we know today because of our great scientific studies, was all of the matter and energy in the known universe, and it was all squished together in an area no bigger than a period on this page."

The teacher held up a piece of paper, and drew a little dot in the middle of the page that was not even visible to most of the class.

TEACHER:  "Now, I know that our universe is REAL BIG, and that this little dot is REAL LITTLE!  But, not to worry boys and girls!  Science tells us that this little "dot," which they call the "cosmic egg," was spinning round and round, faster and faster, until BANG!  For no apparent reason, it just exploded!  As a result, all of the "stuff" that was in the "cosmic egg" came spinning out and forming more and more complex "stuff" the further away it moved from its starting point." 

LITTLE JOHNNY:  "Teacher, which came first, the cosmic egg, or the cosmic chicken?"

The class broke out in laughter.

TEACHER:  "Very funny Johnny.  Now, let me finish my scientific discourse, and don't ask me anymore silly, irrelevant questions! Now, over the course of billions, and billions, and billions of years, this "stuff," all by itself, completely by chance, formed stars, moons, planets, and galaxies, not to mention the "laws" necessary to govern those things.  Then, guess what?  There was this one little planet, which, by sheer accident, happened to be positioned perfectly in relation to the rest of the planets and the sun that just happened to be in the same solar system. Can anyone guess which planet that was?"

LITTLE JOHNNY:  "Teacher, how did the stars and planets know to do all that stuff you just said?"

The teacher, visibly irritated, responded...

TEACHER:  "Johnny, please, I'm trying teach science here!  If you have a valid question that does not call into question these known scientific facts, then by all means, ask.  But if not, then please do us the favor of not thinking critically on these matters, and just accept what I'm telling you is true!" 

LITTLE JOHNNY:  "Okay.  I'm sorry.  But, you said earlier in class that true science is based on looking at stuff as it happens, and then testing it.  Did the scientists see any of this stuff that you're talking about?  That would be pretty cool if they did!"

The teacher put his left hand into his left pant pocket.

TEACHER:  "Johnny, I know I told you about science being that which we observe, repeat, and test.  But, some things just don't fit that narrow definition.  So, since we know that this did in fact occur, we are still allowed to call it science, because it is scientists who are saying it is true.  Get it?  So, if a scientist says something, then that automatically qualifies it as being science, and if it is science, then it is factual and true." 

"Now, let me see...where did I leave off?  Oh, yes.  Anyway, one day, on this little planet, there was a very bad thunder and lightning storm.  Lightning suddenly struck a little pond somewhere on the little planet.  Then, without warning, a little cell, called an ameba, began to form!  Then, in time, other little cells began to form!  Then, parasites, and bacteria began to thrive.  Then, without any warning, some of these little germs turned into little tadpoles!" 

LITTLE JOHNNY:  "But Teacher, how..."

TEACHER:  "Then, without warning, the cute little tadpoles turned into fish!  And guess what?!  The little fish, not content to simply remain little fish, all by themselves, for some unknown reason, over long periods of time, became reptiles! 

The 6th grade class, even though they had read about evolution all through their schools years, nevertheless found the concept amusing as put forth by the teacher.  The teacher, sensing their amusement and incredulity, proceeded:

TEACHER:  "Hey, this is science, and it is true, you know!  Anyway, then guess what happened?  Yep, you got it! The little reptiles, for some unknown reason, all by themselves, and completely by chance, developed legs and could walk!  They even started to climb trees, which, of course, just happened to be there, and whose food just happened to be nourishing, and not harmful, to them!  That's right boys and girls, these were the first mammals! But, you know it doesn't end there!  Guess what then?"

The teacher, wishing to add a little humor to the discussion, ran his left hand through his hair, and continued.

TEACHER:   "Some of these mammals, called monkeys, simply were tired of climbing trees.  After all, it gets pretty uncomfortable sitting outside in the rain and the heat, and having to swing around on trees and just eat the same old bananas day after day! 

The class, realizing the teacher was trying to be humorous, began to chuckle.  The teacher continued, and even though having made that statement tongue in cheek, nevertheless thought there might be some validity to it...

TEACHER:  "So, somehow, maybe in the collective "monkey consciousness," a decision was made to better the monkey kingdom!  So, after a long, long time, the monkey's began to change!  They started to get more and more upright in their stance, and even began to lose their tales, which they really loved!  Then guess what???  You got it!  The first man appeared!" 

The teacher triumphantly waived his left hand, and pointed to a picture of the human evolutionary tree...

TEACHER:  "So, there you have it boys and girls!  What a story, huh?!  The universe came from nothing, everything happened randomly by mere chance and coincidence, and we are all really nothing more than sophisticated animals!  I guess we could say that the universe is nothing more than a big "cosmic accident!"  Now, boys and girls, I know you hear it said that this is just a theory, but we in the scientific community no better!  Like I said, real scientists have said that this is all true.  So, we're just going to call it "science" and make you all learn it as though it were unquestionable fact.  After all, what's the alternative?"

LITTLE NAOMI:  "Teacher, my Mother was a Christian and died two years ago, and my Dad said that she was in Heaven.  That's true, isn't it?"

The teacher, visibly caught off guard by the question, began to rub his left hand over his upper left thigh.

TEACHER:  "Look, Naomi, sweetie.  I am very sorry that your Mom died.  But, you know sweetie, one of the things that really makes a person strong is to be able to deal with the truth no matter what.  I know that this is difficult, but science tells us that there isn't a god, and, since there isn't a god, then there isn't a heaven.  So, sweetheart, your Mother, according to the scientific facts and truth, isn't in a place called heaven."

LITTLE NAOMI:  "Then, where is she?"

The teacher  walked over to the left side of the room, and stood next to a skeleton, and pointed to it with his left index finger.

TEACHER:  "You see, class ... Underneath our skin, this is what we are. That's it.  Now, when we die, the good people put our bodies in a coffin.  In time, we lose our skin and other stuff, until all that remains is our skeleton. That is nothing to be scared of, boys and girls.  It is just one of the facts of nature."

LITTLE NAOMI:  "So, do you mean that she's still alive, and that her skeleton will always be in the coffin.  Is that why people go to graves and put flowers there and even talk to them?"

The teacher, realizing that he was going to have to get to the point, grasped a piece of chalk into his left hand.

TEACHER:  "Well, no.  Your Mom isn't alive anymore.  Our skeleton's, after some time, kind of become like this piece of chalk."

The teacher drew a line on the left side of the board, and as he drew the line, minute pieces of chalk fell to the ledge of the chalkboard that held the eraser.

TEACHER:  "Now, did you see how, when I was writing with the chalk, that little pieces fell off into the ledge here?"

The teacher then dabbed his left middle finger into the ledge, and held up his left hand for all to see the chalk dust that was now on his left middle finger.

TEACHER: "Our bones, in time, eventually become like this, until finally, there is nothing left."

The teacher immediately blew the dust off his left middle finger.

LITTLE NAOMI:  "So, you mean that I'll never see my Mom again, and that I've been asking God to take good care of her in Heaven for nothing?" 

TEACHER:  "Uh, well, yes honey.  I'm afraid so."

SHE began to cry...

"I don't like this life teacher!  What's the point!  What's the point! Why!  Why!  Why!  It's just a bad dream; this life, teacher!  WHY!  Can somebody please tell me WHY!"

TEACHER:  "Young lady, there is no need to be so bitter.  Sweetheart, in time you will understand, and will realize how you have in fact been set free this very day; the day that you discovered the truth about life, and were delivered from fairy tales.

The teacher motioned with his left hand to one of the boys on the left side of the room.

TEACHER:  Young man, please escort her to the counselors office.  Thank you."

After the girl was escorted out of the room, the teacher rubbed his left ear lobe, took a deep sigh, then began to address the class again?

TEACHER:  "Look, boys and girls, I know this can be very difficult to accept.  That little girl may be bitter and upset now, but what I have done is freed her from the oppressive, and really hopeless fairy tale that she has been believing in.  I remember when I first discovered these facts.  It almost made be depressed beyond belief!  But then, I realized something. I realized that since there is no god, then we all can get along much better in the world!  Think about it!  All those wars, and all these people being mean to each other, just because of religion!  Not only that, just think, without people being scared of some god, we can now be free to do the things that come naturally to us. 

The teacher paused, picked up a pamphlet published by Planned Parenthood with his left hand, and continued?

"That is what the Sex Education Class you all are taking is all about.  You see, boys and girls, those people who believe in a god think that people just being themselves is wrong.  So many poor homosexual people are hated just because they were born that way.  That's why we're teaching you the truth, and teaching you that homosexual behavior is perfectly fine. Not only that, but people can't truly discover who they really are because they are told that sex is wrong!  But, we know that sex isn't wrong, and we want to make sure that you all know that.  Besides, the best thing you can do to show someone you truly love them is to express those feelings, and the ultimate way we do that is through sex.  To stifle our sexuality won't help us, but harm us as people, and could even be dangerous to us physically and psychology."

The teacher then slowly lifted his left hand, and stretched out his index finger, pointing to the American Flag, which was situated in the upper left-hand corner of the room. 

TEACHER:  "This country was founded on the principle of freedom!  And our scientific discoveries have allowed us to remove the final hindrance to us experiencing true freedom!  What I just taught you with regard to how the universe came into being is absolute fact!  Not only that, it is much more reasonable than chasing after that stupid fairly tale that says that the universe was created by some mythological, father-figure God, and that all of the complexity, diversity, and design we see in the universe is because it is in fact created by God.  I mean, that is just simply ridiculous!  Why, if that were the case, then that would mean that, uh, well, even you and me were specially created by God!  And, hey, if that were the case, then that would mean that we weren't meaningless pieces of compressed energy and matter!  And, uh, well, you know, if that were the case, then, uh...oh, forget it!  I'm just thankful that I'm not following that greatest of all fairy tales!  Whew!  Let science reign, let science reign! Let freedom reign!  Let freedom reign!

LITTLE JOHNNY:  "Teacher, can you tell us now which came first, the cosmic chicken or the cosmic egg?"