He Hate Me 1

Hey oppressed peoples! This be the most Reveren' Al Sharpton! I will be yo' guide for this portion of the website--and don't forget--I will always be there fo' you---as long as I can get some prime TV exposure! Now, on with the site!

Here we have one Keyshawn Johnson---better known as ME-shawn Johnson. This moderately talented wide receiver and part-time author, who now plays (half-heartedly) for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is a limelight-seeking misanthrope that blighted the New York Jets locker room for four years. His hatred for-- and petty jealousies of-- his teammates and coaches made him a player they were happy to see go.

It didn't take him long to wear out his welcome in Tampa, either. Neither his new teammates or new coach were endeared to this trash-talking blowhard. After his especially dismal performance against the Jets (one catch for one yard!), Warren Sapp and Warwick Dunn took him aside and told him to just shut the hell up.

By the way--John has this classic moment on videotape. He watches it whenever he's feeling down, and it never fails to cheer him up.

We now come to that great white fool, Alec Baldwin. This cracker, after starring in Hunt for Red October, and hogging the spotlight from Fred Ward in Miami Blues, turned into the biggest ass in America. Besides doubling his weight in a little under 10 years; beating and berating his gorgeous wife Kim Basinger not only in private, but in public; shamelessly shilling for Bubba Clinton at every opportunity; and totally cutting himself off from the fan base that made him who is he today, Baldwin insists on putting his smug mug on TV and in the papers as much as possible, thus forcing us to look at him all the time. Jeez--this guy's as much of a pub hound as me, Big Rev Al!

We still anxiously await Alec to keep his promise of leaving the U.S. if George W. Bush is elected president. It's been three months, Alec----don't tell me you can't find a flight?

Well, well, well. If it isn't that rabble-rouser known as Don King. A lot of people confuse the two of us because we both have big hair, and make a lot of noise without saying anything. The difference between us is that King is actually a convicted criminal. This of course stems from when he kicked and beat a man 30 years ago, and served a brief time as a guest of the state.

After bilking hundreds of boxers out of millions of dollars, you'd think by now they'd stop dealing with him. Then again, nobody ever accused boxers of being the smartest folks. This inanely-coifed tax-evader has a rap sheet a mile long, but his greatest offense may well be to our sensibilities: His rhyming bluster actually has been known to hurt people's ears.

His rep for fight-fixing, ref-bribing, judge-buying, and fighter-intimidation is well deserved, but we're still waiting for him to get what he REALLY deserves....