Below is a screen capture of a program we at the CyberWiz Inc. Underground Centre for the Development of Computerized Employer Mind Control and Behaviour Modification have been working on for quite some time....

However, one of our would-be beta testers asked me if in fact it actually worked. After taking this question to the committee, here is the statement they prepared, which may or may not have been edited for clarity (probably not):

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"It's still in Alpha-testing. We haven't quite figured out how to exclusively and safely influence and manipulate the minds and behaviours of our intended targets, one's bosses. We thought about subliminal messaging, but that's illegal, as far as we could tell, and violates employment standards in this province. We next thought of testing it on ourselves, but then we wouldn't know if it was actually working, so we dropped that one down the flusher. We're quite bolixed around here, as you may have guessed, though, so we won't let some minor legal issues stop us and why should we? Microsoft didn't and look how much influence they have... But we are looking for all and any ways to exploit loopholes in the laws which will enable us to extend this product beyond a shelved experiment in mind control to the mass market and rake in a considerably large, super-sized profit in the process. We assure you, however that all testing and program development falls within accepted practices of many cults and, hence, YOU HAVE nothing TO FEAR from US." ? -- Mgmt.       ?#060;/td>

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Disclaimer:
Neither CWI, it's Affiliates, nor it's Sponsors can be held responsible for any urine or other such stains appearing on/in your clothes or furniture as a direct result of things you may or may not have read or experienced while visiting this site or using any software packages obtained through this site.

CWI endorses solely CoolOptions, and does not reccomend ratting us out.?We have trained para-military personel standing by (24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, all year, every year from now until the Battle of Armegeddon, which could foreseeably hinder our efforts to make an honest living) ready to execute the termination clause of their contracts, which states that if the security or anonnymity of CWI should become unstable or threatened, they are to deal with the threat on a thorough basis, to protect CWI at all costs, and to be prepared to mount extensive deadly-force smear campaigns with grape jelly (so, if you're gonna piss us off, don't wear your Sunday Suit - grape stains are sooooooo hard to get out!)

Hence, CWI can not be held responsible for the disappearance of documents, files, software or other electronic records or the smearing of grape jelly on personal pertaining to CWI.? This includes but is not limited to rival software firms, law enforcement agencies [world wide], Entities or employees of Microsoft Corp., politicians who denounce CWI's tactics, former CWI employees or clients,

Also note that the said program is in Trail Version only, and is not available to Employers, Managers Shift Supervisors, or other people fitting the description "boss", or to employees of companies employing 10 or less people (for 10 or less people, you really don't need it - just work on your interpersonal skills and you'll be fine!)

Program distribution is limited to employees who have black market connections only and are able to pay with a voided company cheque and have access to the company computer network.

Sale of this product by non-CWI people is prohibited and carries a black-mail "Threat Of Exposure" clause, wherein, upon violation of said prohibition, CWI-placed Federal Agents will contact the involved employer and notify them of the involved employee's black market purchases and other such illegal activities after which CoolOptions will self-destruct, leaving no evidence of itself.

All purchases are made through an undisclosed Swiss Bank account number, which will appear to be held by an off-shore Software supplier, and hold the same "Threat Of Exposure" clause upon disclosure of privileged information given to the involved employee.

However, continued abiding by the no-sale policy will entitle the employee to receive free upgrades periodically when they become available.?CWI-placed MSCE Network Specialists will install said software under guise of said Company's own Software Technitions (cover for which is built in to CoolOptions and can be used to summon said placements in the event of an unforseen problem, covered below).

If the involved employer has medical problems, like Epilepsy or is prone to photo-chromo-epileptic seizures (seizures induced by rapidly flashing colours or lights), or is using hypno-therapy (hypnosis to cure a bad habbit like smoking), or if you are allergic to grape jelly, or if there is the slightest possibility that usage of this software could be discovered, CWI recommends against the installation and use of this software package, and it's recommendations are effectively enforced.

CWI's Self Defence Program: CWI has taken measures to ensure that if you are an employer or rat-fink employee, or don't have read/write/install access to your company's server, or you are some punk kid looking to make a quick buck, or work for a company with 10 or less names on the payroll, or a member of any law-enforcement agency [world-wide], or a current or former member of CWI or any of it's affiliates or sponsors, or you work for Microsoft, or you are just plain chicken-shit, then you have been found, reported, and CWI's Para-Military personel are standing right behind you with a loaded jar of grape jelly and orders to "Terminate With Extreme Predjudice."
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Thou Hast Been Warned
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CWI is a non-profit, humanitarian organization which supports charitable work in communities accross the world.
To find out how we can help you, please contact us here.
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