IF OPERATING SYSTEMS WERE BEERS...
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DOS Beer
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You need to use your own can opener, and it requires you to read the directions
carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can,
but now comes in 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments
of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued,
although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer
available.
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Mac Beer
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Initially came in only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered
by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take
one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the
can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't
need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to
the trashcan.
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Windows 3.1 Beer
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Used to be the world's most popular. Claims it allows you to drink several
DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them,
very slowly, especially if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same
time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode
when you open it.
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Windows 95/98 Beer
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Looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer.
It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16
oz. of beer in them. Most people kept drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their
friends tried Windows 95 Beer and said they liked it. The ingredients list,
when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that
come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claimed it was an entirely
new brew.
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Windows NT Beer
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Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes
most people to have to go out and buy bigger fridges. The can looks just
like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but then the company promised to change the can
to look just like Windows 95 Beer's. Touted as an "industrial strength"
beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
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Unix Beer
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Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim
that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops
break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener
around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set
of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several
years.
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