3 REASONS WHY ITS HARD TO BE A PUSSY:
1) Your hair has no style, it's kinky a nd tangled.
2) Every month you bleed even when there's no wound.
3) A drunkard always pokes his head and pukes in!

5 Things wrong with the penis:
1) It has a hole in the head
2) It has a ring around the neck
3) It hangs out with a couple of nuts
4) It sleeps next to an asshole
5) When excited it throws up and dies!

A TEXT MANIAC is:
1) dala phone sa CR
2) text habang nagda-drive
3) text habang kumakain/nanonood ng TV/may kausap sa phone
4) bad breath and
5) hinto sex para basahin ang incoming text!

Ang type na lalake ng girls:
1. SIMPLE (palaging nasa ibaba)
2. MABAIT (hindi nangbibitin)
3. GENTLEMAN (hindi nauuna)
4. MALINIS (hindi hinuhugot, sa loob nagkakalat)

Different types of Farter:
PRETENDER-Farts silently then acts innocent.
SHY-Farts softly then smiles.
ARROGANT-Farts loudly then laughs.
UNLUCKY-Tries to fart but shits instead.

EXOTIC COLORS:
Plematic Green
Ebakish Brown
Spermatic White
Bulbonic Black
Reglatic Red
Uhogish Yellow
Utongic Pink
Clitoric Fuschia
Bayagish Lavander

How do you compare a man's dick and a car?
1. feels good when it's fast!
2. smooth when lubricated!
3. useless when flat!

How should COFFEE and your BOYFRIEND be alike?
1) He has to be rich
2) He has to be hot
3) He has to keep you up all night!

IDIOT'S GUIDE TO SEX:
1. Oral sex doesn't mean talking to each other
2. You don't need a condom when you're doing it alone
3. Herpes is not th e name of a Greek god!

MEANINGS OF KISS:
on the ear-I'm horny
on the cheek-we are friends
on the hand-I adore you
on the shoulder-I want you
on the lips-I love you
on anywhere else-let's get BZ!

Meanings of roses:
With long stem=I want your kiss.
With thorns=I want your love.
Stem and thorns without rose=I want your flower.

MEN'S TOP 7 LIES:
1) It won't happen again.
2) I'm single.
3) That was my mom/sister/friend.
4) You won't get pregnant.
5) I love you.
6) I don't want to lose you.
7) I'm telling the truth.

Qualities of a good blowjob:
1. RELIGIOUS (lumuluhod)
2. JUDY ANN LOOK-A-LIKE (malaki panga)
3. SWIMMER (mahaba hininga)
4. BUNGAL (para hinde sabit ngipin)
5. MALAKI TENGA (para handy)
6. MALAPAD ULO (para patungan ng beer)

REACTION TO SIZE OF PENIS (IN INCHES) BY GIRLS:
7-5 Araaay! Yes! Yes!
5-4 Ouch! Ahhh! Ahhh!
4-3 Ow! Sige pa! Diin mo pa!
3-2 Sige pa! More! More!
2-1 Aay? Oy, wag na lang kaya?

SLOGANS FOR NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK:
1) Cover your stump before you pump.
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
3) Don't be silly, protect your willy.
4) When in doubt, cover your sprout.

Top 3 reasons why chocolate is better than sex:
1) It's safe to have chocolate while driving.
2) You can have it even in front of your mom.
3) It won't mind if you bite the nuts too hard.

What do submarines and penises have in common?
1) They are both long and hard;
2) They go down deep;
3) They carry a lot of seamen.

Why are men useless?
1. They have Adam's apple that can't be eaten.
2. Balls that can't be dribbled.
3. Eggs that can't be fried.
4. Penis that can't be spent.

WOMEN'S TOP 7 LIES:
1) I have a headache.
2) He's my brother/cousin.
3) We're just friends.
4)...5)...6)...7) I'm still a virgin.