The Medical Love Song

With lyrics writen by Graham Chapman (an actual doctor, in addition to his illustrious career as a Python) and music composed by Eric Idle and John Du Pez, The Medical Love Song, performed by Graham, is one of my personal favorites.

Inflamation of the foreskin
Reminds me of your smile
I've had balanital chancroids
For quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU
That lovely night in June
I ache for you, my darling,
And I hope you get well soon!

My penile warts, your herpes,
My syphilitic sores,
Your moenelial infection,
How I miss you more and more
Your dobies itch my scrum-pox
Our lovely gonorrhea
At least we were both lying
When we said that we were clear.

Our syphilitic kisses
Sealed the secret of our tryst
You gave me scrotal pustules
With a quick flick of your wrist
Your trichovaginitis
Sent shivers down my spine
I got snail tracks in my anus
When your spirochetes me mine.

Gonnococcal urethritis,
Streptococcal balanitis,
Meningo myelitis,
Diplococcal ceohalitis,
Epidydimitis,
Interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic coronitis,
And anterior ureitis.

My clapped-out genetalia
Is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure
Every time I try to pee
My doctor says my buboes
Are the worst he's ever seen
My scrotum's painted orange
And my balls are turnin' green!

My heart is very tender
But my parts are awful raw
You have been infected
But you never were a bore
I'm dying from your love, my love
I'm your spirochetal clown
I've left my body to science
But I'm afraid they've turned it down!

Gonnococcal urethritis,
Streptococcal balanitis,
Meningo myelitis,
Diplococcal ceohalitis,
Epidydimitis,
Interstitial keratitis,
Syphilitic coronitis,
And anterior ureitis.