The News for Parrots / The News for Gibbons / Today in
Parliament / The News for Wombats
Parrot: And parrots started to
announce television programs. It's 8 o'clock and time for the News.
First Announcer (Michael
Palin): Good evening. Here is the news for Parrots:
No parrots were involved in
an accident on the M-1 today when a Lorry carrying High-octane fuel was in
collision with a bollard. That's a BOLLARD and *NOT* a PARROT. A spokesman for
parrots said he was glad no parrots were involved. The Minister of Technology
(photo of minister with parrot on his shoulder) today met the three Russian
leaders (cut to photograph of 3 Russian men in a group and each with a parrot
on his shoulder) to discuss a 4 million pound airliner deal....None of them
went in the cage, or swung on the little wooden trapeze or ate any of the nice
millet seed. Yum, Yum.
That's the end of the news,
now our program for parrots continues with Part 3 of 'A Tale of Two Cities',
specially adapted for parrots by Joey-Boy. The story so far, Dr. Manette is in
England after eighteen years (as he speaks French Revolution type music creeps
in under his words) in the Bastille. His daughter Lucy awaits her lover Charles
Darney, who we have just learned is in fact the nephew of the Marquis de St
Evremond, whose cruelty had placed Manette in the Bastille. Darney arrives to
find Lucy tending her aged father.
(Superimposed caption:
'LONDON 1793' Music reaches a climax and we mix slowly through to an
eighteenth-century living room. Lucy is nursing her father. Some low music
continues over. Suddenly the door bursts open and Charles Darnay enters.)
Darnay: (in parrot voice)
'Allo, 'allo.
Lucy: 'Allo, 'allo, 'allo.
Old Man: 'Allo, 'allo,
'allo.
Darnay: Who's a pretty boy,
then?
Lucy: 'Allo, 'allo, 'allo.
(And more of the same. Cut
back to the narrator.)
First Announcer: And while
that's going on, here is the news for gibbons. No gibbons were involved...
(fade out)
Voice Over (Terry Jones):
And while that's going on, here from Westminster is a parliamentary report for
Humans.
Second Announcer (Eric
Idle): In the debate, a spokesman accused the government of being silly and
doing not at all good things. The member accepted this in the spirit of healthy
criticism, but denied that he had ever been naughty with a choir boy. Angry
shouts of 'What about the Watermelon then?' were ordered then by the speaker to
be stricken from the record and put into a brown paper bag in the lavvy. Any
further interruptions would be cut up and distributed amongst the poor. For the
Government, a front-bench spokesman said the Agricultural Tariff WOULD have to
be raised, and he fancied a bit. Whats more he argued, this would give a large
boost to farmers, and a lot of fun to him, his friends, and Miss Moist of
Knightsbridge. From the backbenches there were opposition shouts of 'Postcards
for sale' and a healthy cry of 'Who likes a sailor then?' from the Minister
Without Portfolio. Replying, the Shadow Minister said he could no longer deny
the rumors, but he and the Dachsund were very happy. And in any case he argued
Rhubarb was cheap, and what was the harm in a sauna bath?
(Cut back to First
Announcer. Caption: '7 Hours Later')
First Announcer: ...were not
involved.
The Minister of Technology
(cut to photograph of minister with a wombat on his shoulder) met the three
Russian leaders (Russian leaders again all with wombats on their shoulders)
today to discuss a 4 million pound airliner deal....none of them were
indigenous to Australia, carried their babies in pouches, or ate any of those
yummy Eucalyptus leaves..Yum Yum. Thats the news for wombats...now Attila the
Bun.
(Cut to animated sequence)