Dennis Moore
England, 1747
(Sounds of a coach and
horses, galloping)
Dennis Moore (John Cleese):
Stand and deliver!
Chapman: Not on your life
(SHOT) ... aagh!
(Girl screams)
Moore: Let that be a warning
to you all. You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of
them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so that's one of you dead for
sure...or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn't be worth your while
risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day...well, not
absolutely every day, but most days in the week. I expect I must practice, oh,
at least four or five times a week...or more, really, but some weekends, like
last weekend, there really wasn't the time, so that brings the average down a
bit. I should say it's a solid four days' practice a week...At least...I
mean...I reckon I could hit that tree over there. Er...the one just behind that
hillock. The little hillock, not the big one on the...you see the three trees
over there? Well, the one furthest away on the right... (fade)
(Fade up again)
Moore: What's the... the one
like that with the leaves that are sort of regularly veined and the veins go
right out with a sort of um...
Girl: Serrated?
Moore: Serrated edges.
Id: A willow!
Moore: Yes.
Id: That's nothing like a
willow.
Moore: Well it doesn't
matter, anyway. I can hit it seven times out of ten, that's the point.
Id: Never a willow.
Moore: Shut up! It's a
hold-up, not a Botany lesson. Now, no false moves please. I want you to hand
over all the lupins you've got.
Terry J: Lupins?
Moore: Yes, lupins. Come on,
come on.
Eric: What do you mean,
lupins?
Moore: Don't try to play for
time.
Eric: I'm not, but... the
*flower* lupin?
Moore: Yes, that's right.
Terry: Well we haven't got
any lupins.
Girl: Honestly.
Moore: Look, my friends. I
happen to know that this is the Lupin Express.
Terry: Damn!
Girl: Oh, here you are.
Moore: In a bunch, in a
bunch!
Terry: Sorry.
Moore: Come on, Concorde!
(Gallops off)
Chorus (sings):
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, galloping through the sward,
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, and his horse Concorde.