Registrar (Wife-Swapping)
(We
see a man coming through a door with a neat little bride in a bridal dress. The
man walks up to the registrar who is sitting at his desk with a sign saying
'Registrar of Marriages '.)
Man
(Eric): Good morning.
Registrar
(Terry J): Good morning.
Man:
Are you the registrar?
Registrar:
I have that function.
Man:
I was here on Saturday, getting married to a blond girl, and I'd like to change
please. I'd like to have this one instead please.
Registrar:
What do you mean?
Man:
Er, well, the other one wasn't any good, so I'd like to swap it for this one,
please. Er, I have paid. I paid on Saturday. Here's the ticket. (gives him the
marriage license.)
Registrar:
Ah, oh, no. That was when you were married.
Man:
Er, yes. That was when I was married to the wrong one. I didn't like the color.
This is the one I want to have, so if you could just change the forms round I
can take this one back with me now.
Registrar:
I can't do that.
Man:
Look, make it simpler, I'll pay again.
Registrar:
No, you can't do that.
Man:
Look, all I want you to do is change the wife, say the words, blah, blab, blah,
back to my place, no questions asked.
Registrar:
I'm sorry sir, but we're not allowed to change.
Man:
You can at Harrods.
Registrar:
You can't.
Man:
You can. I changed my record player and there wasn't a grumble.
Registrar:
It's different.
Man:
And I changed my pet snake, and I changed my Robin Day tie.
Registrar:
Well, you can't change a bloody wife!
Man:
Oh, all right! Well, can I borrow one for the weekend.
Registrar:
No!
Man:
Oh, blimey, I only wanted a jolly good...
(A
whistle blows. A referee runs on, takes his book out and proceeds to take the
name of the man in the registry office, amidst protests.)
Referee:
All right, break it up. What's your number, then? All right. Name?
Man:
Cook.
(Cut
to the two in the next sketch waiting. Cut back to referee, who finishes
booking the man and blows his whistle.)