Chapter 18
When Melissa awoke, she could feel the absence of Joey’s body. Her suspicions were confirmed as she rolled over to find his side of the bed empty. She didn’t hear the shower so she decided she’d take the opportunity for a morning shower.
After gathering a few items, Melissa stepped into the large shower. The hot water flowed over her body and she closed her eyes, recalling the past two days. Images of Joey invaded her mind and she smiled as she thought of his amazing smile and his warm laughter. That was one of the things she loved the most about him. He had such a wonderful sense of humor and he wasn’t afraid to act a little silly. She contemplated the look in his eyes when he kissed her and when they made love; the darkening that gave away his desire. Suddenly, it struck her that in a few hours all she would have would be memories. She began to sob as the moisture fell over her.
Why did this have to be so complicated? Maybe she should just tell him how she felt. What could she say though? If she told him she was in love with him, he’d feel uncomfortable to say the least, and she didn’t want her last memory of him to be one of awkwardness. She wanted to remember the happiness and the affection that they had shared. She wished for him to have those same memories as well. But what if Lance was right? What if he loved her as well, but he just didn’t know how to tell her? Maybe he was just as conflicted as she was. He couldn’t be, though, she thought. It just wasn’t normal to fall in love as fast and hard as she had and he certainly had more control of his feelings than she seemed to possess.
Then again, what if he did share her feelings? What would they do then? There was no way they’d ever see each other with him being on the road as often as he was. Hopefully, it would be many years before that would come to an end. It would have to be her to leave her life behind. Would she be willing to leave school and her home to be with him? A part of her thought she would. She loved him. What if she left though and then resented the fact that she’d been the one to give up everything?
When Melissa heard the bathroom door open, she abruptly forced herself to stop weeping. She wouldn’t let him see her crying. It wasn’t pride that kept her from breaking down though. It was the fact that she wanted him to remember her smile, not her tears.
Before she could begin to wonder why Joey hadn’t said anything, the shower door opened and Joey walked in behind her. “Good morning, beautiful,” he cooed as he rubbed her shoulders.
“Mmmm, good morning,” she said as he kissed her shoulders. “Mmmm, a girl could get used to this,” Melissa said without thinking. Immediately she wished she wouldn’t have uttered those words. Her eyes threatened to tear up again and Joey grew quiet.
He sighed heavily. “Tell me about it.” The sadness he felt seemed evident in his voice. He’d been up for over an hour thinking about Melissa. He wanted so badly to tell her what he was feeling, but he didn’t know if he should. When he looked at her, he thought that she shared the same feelings for him. He faltered, though, mainly because the more that he thought about it, the more he realized a relationship could never work. He couldn’t ask her to give up everything for him. He sighed again, pushing away the melancholy his thoughts had summoned.
He kissed her neck and shoulder as his hands roamed her shoulders and back. “Need some help?” he asked with a sly smile as he took the bath sponge from Melissa’s hand and began to soap up her back.
Melissa moaned as Joey sponged her shoulder blades and further down to the small of her back. His right hand followed, trailing behind the sponge, kneading her supple skin. He traveled over her ass making her writhe beneath his touch and then down her shapely legs. She felt more relaxed than she’d remembered being in a long time.
“Turn around,” he softly demanded as he stood again. Melissa quickly complied and turned to look up into his eyes, which had grown the dark color she’d grown accustomed to. He smiled slightly, licking his lips as the sponge and his hand traveled over her neck and across her shoulders and arms. When he came back up to her collarbone and then to her breasts, her breath caught in her throat. He grinned impishly as her nipples rose to his command. As the water washed away, he bent for a moment to taste her, bringing her taught nipple into his warm mouth.
“Mmmm, Joey,” she growled as he released her nipple and continued to wash her body. When he placed the sponge between her legs he heard the sharp intake of her breath and smiled knowingly. He loved that she was so open about the fact that what he did pleased her. She didn’t try to play games; she only gave into what he made her feel.
He was now kneeling before her as he ran the sponge over the area that never attempted to hide its craving for his caress. Looking up into her desire-clouded eyes, he dipped his tongue into her. She moaned and held onto the slippery wall in an attempt to keep her footing. Joey held tightly to her as her knees began to buckle beneath her. Moaning along with her, he lapped hungrily at her enlarged clit as he pumped his able fingers in and out of her moistness. Moaning loudly, she ran her fingers through his wet hair, willing him to continue. Melissa’s body was so sensitive from only hours before that within only a few moments, she began to feel herself coming upon her climax. Panting and mewling, she gave into it as her knees gave way and only Joey supported her body.
Joey smiled as he stood, still cradling her body. Melissa looked at him through heavy lids as she smiled. “Wow, that was…Mmmm, What brought that on?”
“I couldn’t help myself,” he said grinning as he kissed her lips slowly. As he pressed against Melissa she became fully aware of his evident longing and smiled up at him seductively.
“Good lord, man” she said giggling. “Don’t you ever get enough?”
“Not of you,” he said against her ear. “I could never get enough of you.” They began to kiss again, slowly. They both wanted to savor the final moments that today would bring.
Melissa smiled, separating from his lips as she bent and took him into her mouth, the water spilling over her head as she began to slowly lick and kiss his swollen member. “Mmmm, c’mere,” he said as he pulled her up to stand face to face. “I want to be inside of you,” he answered when she looked at him questioningly.
She smiled knowingly as she turned around, bending slightly to give him better access to her body. Slowly, he took her cue, sliding deftly into her wet center. He bade her to stand back up as his hands began to roam across her wet body. Her whole body was alive as he caressed her beneath the warm water. The moisture made her even wetter and he glided in and out of her lithe body with ease. As Joey kissed and nipped at her neck and collarbone, one hand teased her right breast mercilessly as his other had felt her clit. He massaged her as he pumped in and out of her torturously. They stayed intertwined for what seemed like hours, each savoring the feeling of their lovemaking, each knowing this may be the last chance they had to be together.
Finally, Joey whispered in Melissa’s ear as he began to orgasm “God Melissa, I…” The last of his statement was lost in a roar as he found his release. The water, which was beginning to cool somewhat, beat down on them as he kissed her neck and her shoulders. He turned her around kissing her for what seemed like an eternity and the blink of an eye all at once. “I wish I could stay here forever,” he confided.
“Me too,” she sighed in agreement. “Too bad the water’s getting cold,” she giggled in an attempt to lighten the seriousness hanging in the air.
They got out of the water, toweling each other off and slipping into the fluffy white hotel robes. Joey wrapped his arms around Melissa and held her close to him. There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn’t know how. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he should for that matter. “God, Melissa,” he said with a sigh “I…Thank you for the past few days.” It wasn’t what he wanted to say, but it was all that he was able to say.
In Melissa’s mind, she heard him say the words she longed to hear and to say to him as well. He told her that he loved her, that he couldn’t possibly leave her, that she needed to come away with him. And in this perfect fantasy world, she agreed. She left everything she had wanted and worked for to be with the man that she loved. She realized in that instant that if he asked her to leave, she would. She wouldn’t even consider it a sacrifice.
He hadn’t said any of that, though. He’d thanked her and in effect told her how he felt in the same sentence. She was his good time, a distraction. She had wanted to believe that he loved her, but how could he? She knew she had no right to be angry, even if she wanted to. They had both known what they were getting into before it started. It wasn’t his fault that she had let her feelings get away from her. What he had offered her was comfort and companionship and she had taken both willingly. She wouldn’t fault him for not loving her. He cared for her. She could tell that by his actions and his soft, comforting words. There was also no doubt in her mind that he wanted her, but affection and desire were only a part of love. She couldn’t hate him for what he didn’t feel.
“Joey,” she said, not showing the hurt that her thoughts had inflicted. “Thank YOU. You’ve given me the most amazing 3 days I’ve had in some time. You’ve helped me in more ways than you’ll ever know.” She smiled softly at him, placing her hand against his stubble-covered cheek.
Joey leaned down to kiss Melissa again, savoring the feeling of her lips. “You hungry?” he asked.
“Famished,” she confirmed.
“Good,” he said as he took her hand, leading her into the bedroom. Lying on the bed was a tray, which held a single red rose. He led her to the bed and sat her down softly. After placing the tray over her lap, he walked to a tray by the wall and removed the tray he’d ordered from room service before joining her in the shower. “I got you an omelet,” he said smiling. “I know that’s what you had yesterday, so I hope it’s ok.”
Tears formed in Melissa’s eyes, threatening to escape. “Thank you, Joey. That is so sweet.” Why the hell would the fact that he remembered how she liked her eggs make her cry, she wondered. She assumed it must just be the whole situation.
After serving Melissa, Joey joined her on the bed and they ate together chatting lightly. Once they had finished, they sat for a while longer, taking the opportunity to cuddle for a few moments before Joey’s phone rang. The voice of Johnny on the other end told him they would be leaving in about an hour. They’d be taking the busses to Denver where they would perform Wednesday night. Since they had a couple of days, they had agreed to take a longer route to go through Amarillo and drop the girls off. Joey had brought up the idea at the group’s last meeting and no one was averse to the suggestion.
Slowly, they got everything ready, and all met in the garage. When Melissa caught sight of Brandi, she chortled, encouraging a glare from her sister. “Rough night?” she asked.
“No, last night was anything but rough. I can’t say the same for this morning, though.”
“Well, I guess you just drank too much. Nobody’s fault but yours,” she laughed.
“Actually, I didn’t drink. Ok, I had two drinks, but it’s not like I was plastered. I’m just tired. I don’t know when YOU left, but we didn’t get in until like 4:30. After the bar closed, Justin and Lance decided they wanted a tour of San Antonio. And it’s only 10:00. And you KNOW I’m not a fuckin morning person.”
“I guess not,” Joey said with a grin.
As Brandi flipped him off, Melissa giggled. “Just give her a pot of coffee and an hour and she’ll be back to her usual charming self.”
Joey, Melissa, Lance and Brandi loaded the smaller of the two busses and they were on their way. In no time at all, Brandi was back to her usual self, chattering incessantly. Joey and Melissa sat cuddled against one another, not saying too much, occasionally smiling at each other, and exchanging a quick kiss.
About an hour into the trip, Lance announced he was going to take a nap. “SOMEONE kept me out all night,” he said with a grin.
“Whatever,” Brandi said with a smile. “Unless the someone you’re referring to is you, you’re full of shit. Ya know, I’m tired, too. Is there an extra bunk back there for me?”
“Oh sure,” Lance said as he directed Brandi to the back of the bus.
“I thought they’d never leave,” Melissa said with a smile as she stretched out on the large couch.
“Me either,” Joey agreed as he lay down facing her. Absently, he toyed with a long strand of hair that flowed over her shoulder. They looked into each other’s eyes for an eternity, not exchanging a word, only softly touching or kissing one another. Their actions held such sweetness it was almost painful. Occasionally, one of them would sigh and then smile. They both willed time to stop or even the bus to break down again; anything to keep their time from ending so soon.
Melissa stroked Joey’s face, playing with his eyebrow piercing for a moment as she smiled. “I’m gonna miss this,” she said without thinking. She knew she probably shouldn’t have said it, but it was true. She would of course miss making love to him and laughing with him, but mostly she would just miss being in his arms.
“Me too,” he replied thoughtfully. He should tell her now, he though. He should just tell her how he felt. He could say that he knew how they could keep from missing this. They could be together every day and night. He knew it was all a fantasy, though. It wasn’t possible. He’d tried to come up with something in his mind at least a thousand times, always knowing there was nothing they could do. Instead of saying the words, he began to kiss her again. Their kisses were tender and full of the feelings they held deep inside. Their bodies said what their lips would never allow them to.
Joey kissed Melissa’s lips, her cheeks, her forehead, as she vanquished the tears she felt forming in her eyes. They felt like such a perfect match. Why couldn’t he see it as well?
As Joey continued to softly kiss her face, Melissa drifted into a light sleep. Joey watched her as she slumbered. Occasionally, she smiled or sighed and Joey felt a pang in his heart. All he really wanted was to hold her like this forever. He’d give almost anything for that. As he pondered an impossible future with Melissa, he too drifted into a peaceful sleep.
About an hour later, Melissa awoke as the bus came to a stop. Still tight in Joey’s embrace, she looked up at his face. She outlined his eyebrows with her fingertips, waking him. He smiled groggily. “Hi, where are we?”
“I dunno. I just woke up, myself,” she answered.
“Well, I’ll be right back,” he said as he rose, pulling on his sunglasses and hat. “Need anything?” he asked.
“Nope,” she smiled. “Just you.”
Joey smiled again as he walked to the front of the bus. Looking out the window, she saw Joey accompanied by Dre walking brusquely into the large convenient store.
Several minutes later, the two came strolling back toward the bus, each with two grocery bags of goodies. After stopping twice to sign autographs and take pictures, Joey entered the bus with a smile. “Sustenance,” he said when she looked at the overflowing bags of groceries. Dre laughed as he deposited the groceries on the countertop and headed back to the front of the bus.
“Yes, Joey, but what you call sustenance could feed a third word country,” she said mockingly.
“Girl, I thought you knew better than that by now,” he said as he stalked toward her menacingly. In the blink of an eye, he was upon her, tickling her mercilessly.
“Noooo,” she howled through her laughter. “Get offa me, you punk!”
“Nope,” he said with a chortle. “Not gonna happen.”
At that moment, Melissa heard Lance’s voice through the doorway. “Cover your eyes, Brandi. You don’t need to see this.”
“What? Ewwww, you guys, please! There’s a minor in the room,” Brandi exclaimed with a giggle.
Joey kept tickling Melissa for a few more moments before he halted, standing up as Melissa punched at him before smoothing down her hair. “I guess it’s a good thing you weren’t in here ten minutes ago then,” he said with a wink.
“Joseph Anthony Fatone!” Melissa shouted. “You just shut your mouth. You know better!”
Joey simply laughed as he grabbed a bag of Doritos and sat next to Melissa.
“Oooh, good,” Brandi said. “Food! I’m starving!” She grabbed a few goodies and sat down at the table next to Lance.
They were more than half way to Amarillo now and Melissa could feel their time running out. The four of them sat talking sporadically about the events of the past few days. Lance reminded Melissa she still owed him a song. “The next time you’re in Amarillo, I’ll pay up.”
“Oh, no,” Lance said with a grin. “You’re not gonna get away that easily. Let’s see if we can get anything on the radio.” Lance scanned several stations, stopping when he heard a familiar song. “Ohh, here ya go,” he howled as a female voice singing “I touch myself,” came through the speakers.
“Yes!” Joey shouted clapping wildly.
“NO!” Melissa argued with a giggle. “Keep going.”
Within moments, Melissa heard the opening chords to a familiar song. “Oooh, this is a good one,” Lance said just as the words began to play.
Melissa sighed, smiling. Shortly into the first verse, she began to sing along. “How do I, Get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, What kind of life would that be?” she sang, looking into Joey’s eyes for a moment. Shit, why, this song, she thought as tears began to form in her eyes. “Oh, I need.... I need you in my arms, need you to hold, You're my world, my heart, my soul,If you ever leave, Baby you would take away everything good in my life.” Joey looked back at her, his smile turning somewhat sad as Melissa continued to fight the tears threatening to choke her.
As the chorus began, the tears ran down Melissa’s cheeks as she sang, closing her eyes. “And tell me now how do I live without you? I want to know, How do I breathe without you? If you ever go, How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?”
She opened her eyes, smiling through the tears. “Without you, There'd be no sun in my sky, There would be no love in my life, There'd be no world left for me.And I, Baby I don't know what I would do, I'd be lost if I lost you. If you ever leave, Baby you would take away everything real in my life.” Joey could see her struggling and he took her hand rubbing his thumb over her knuckles as she continued through the chorus and to the end of the song.
As she shook, Joey leaned over, kissing her softly. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, rubbing his thumb over her tear-streaked cheek.
“Damn,” Lance said. “I…just…damn.”
Melissa laughed through her tears. “He’s your friend. Is that a good thing?” she asked Joey.
“That’s a great thing,” Lance said. “You’re amazing.”
“Thanks,” Melissa said, blushing hotly.
Lance talked to Melissa for a few moments, saying if she ever wanted to get into the business, she already had his number. “You should think about it,” he said in conclusion.
“I will Lance,” she said grinning, though she thought he was definitely giving her too much credit. She loved to sing, and she knew she sang well, but not well enough to make a career out of it. That was more than she dared to dream.
As the bus moved closer to its destination, the four of them sat and talked. Brandi and Lance contributed most of the conversation, while Melissa and Joey held one another, each cherishing these final moments.
In what seemed like only moments to them, they had reached their destination. “Well,” Melissa said, “we’re here.”
“Yeah,” Joey said sadly.
“Do y’all wanna come in for a minute?” she asked, looking down at the ground. She knew she was just postponing the inevitable. She knew she should just let go, but she wanted to hold on to him for as long as possible.
“I’d love to,” he answered, “but we need to get to Denver. At this rate, it’ll be after midnight before we’re there, and Johnny says that we’ve got a lot of press there.”
Melissa smiled, though she wanted only to cry. “OK, I understand.”
“Lyss, it won’t be long til the tour is over. And we’ll have some time off between cities. I’d love to see you. I’ve got your number, so I’ll call you,” he said smiling.
Part of Melissa wanted that more than anything, but she also knew it wouldn’t make things easier. How could she ever get on with her life if they wouldn’t let go? “Joey, it’s ok. We’re both adults. Don’t worry. I’m not some naive girl who thinks that we can have something just because of what we’ve shared. I knew what I was getting into the first night we were together. I’m not gonna try and hold you to a promise you never made. The past few days have been amazing, but I know what they were. And I know what we are. Let’s leave it at that.”
“But Melissa, it’s not like that. I…” He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he had to be with her. He wanted to let her know that the thought of another man touching her made him so jealous he was almost angry. He wanted to tell her that all he really wanted was for them to be together, but he couldn’t.
“It’s ok, Joey,” she said smiling as she placed her hand on his cheek. “Thank you,” she said.
He couldn’t answer her with words, only with his body as he leaned down and gathered her into his arms. He smiled, looking into her eyes, as he kissed her softly, deeply. Their bodies clung together as their kiss deepened. By sheer will, they finally separated, both visibly dazed by their parting kiss. “I won’t forget,” he said as she placed her head on his shoulder.
His words, though simple, brought a longing to Melissa that she couldn’t describe and she felt as if she was about to break down. She had to get out before she started to cry. Moving from his embrace was one of the hardest things she had ever done. “Neither will I,” she said as she kissed his cheek and then turned, leaving the bus.
The door closed and Joey still stood watching. Melissa wanted to show how strong she was. She wanted to turn and walk away, but instead she stood, watching the bus as it pulled away and went around the corner.
Along with Brandi and Cassie, she took her bags and headed back into the house. No one exchanged a word until Brandi piped up, saying she would pick up the dogs from the kennel.
“I’m tired,” Melissa sighed. “I think I’m gonna go take a quick nap.” With this she headed up the stairs to her room. Walking in through the door, she walked slowly to her bed. She could still smell his masculine scent on the sheets. As she looked toward the nightstand on the left side of the bed, she saw a watch. It was his. She opened the drawer and shoved it inside. Tomorrow, she’d get up and wash her sheets. She’d figure out what to do about the expensive watch she was sure he’d already missed. Tonight, all she wanted to do was sleep. Tomorrow, she’d try to get over him.
