THE STRAP-ONS CLASS OF 2000

I  N  G  R  E  D  I  E  N  T  S :

Here Comes Trouble (Strap-Ons Themesong)

don�t look now its your worst fear / lock the pantry, hide the beer /  fine motor skills we can tie our shoes / we�ll take your money and your girlfriend too

-you dont wanna go out and play, so come inside its a shitty day- the strength of none can match us 3...destination MTV!  We�re all dressed up and we came to play and we don�t have that much to say but oooooooooh- doin� it for the kids!

Egg patrol on a Friday night / Prep school misfits, ugly ties / we smash signs and we crash cars / we play drums and cheap guitars.

(chorus)

You�re in a Time Out, Mister

fist fight out behind the school / another playground scuffle, youth aggression  repressed / grass stains- shift the blame and complain / dragged off by the ear while the blood is still wet

~come on fellas now dust off the dirt and shake hands / He clocked you fair and square so now you�re less of a man

                sit down (shut up) sit down (shut up) sit down (shut up) You�re in a time out mister!

                Sit down (shut up) sit down (shut up) sit down (shut up) You�re in a time out!

Lookin� for trouble? There�s trouble to be found / they stand indignant with their  white-knuckled fists / egos bruised, bloody nosed and black eyed /  hell knows no fury like a white suburban teenager pissed

(Chorus)

Suburban Terrorists

up pulls the big black van / on your lawn lurks a stealth masked man / gasoline soaks your front porch / drop the match, house becomes torch / slash- those whitewall tires, small-town Mafia for hire / stomp your flowers, taunt your cat / slingshot bandits with the counterattack!

We will make ruins here / family business based on fear / fine young men from the path we�ve strayed / pillage small-town USA

Violent eyes watching on the street at night / built up anger which is why they start a fight / they won�t die, feel no pain / never will they ever change / better not get in their path / they don�t care if you�re handicapped / deaf dumb blind lame they don�t care- they�ll bash the spokes on your wheelchair!

(chorus)

The Fast Food Conspiracy

drive-in window, lunch time line / burgers topped with grout and grime /work my ass off, minimum wage / there�s somethin� goin� on at the fast food chain.

Bosses bearing yellow teeth,  frizzle frying fat and grease /  fucking spitting in my food- paper hat and an attitude

    Fast Food (conspiracy)

    Fast Food- You�re caught!

This iron fisted restaurant is staffed by overpaid Mcsluts / happy meal- yay! Free toy! McDonalds vs the hoi polloi / the plague is spreading in your town / praise the commie fast food clown / meat-like products, soggy rolls / I don�t wanna eat in this Mc shithole!

(chorus)

I wanted all that supersized- that�s supposed to be a large French Fries, I know its food but it sure ain�t fast - fast food restaurant my ass! / Can�t I get a bendy straw? There�s no milk in this shake at all!  I�d boycott the place, but I gotta eat / Brainwashed consumer- woe is me!

(chorus)

Ronald McDonald can shove it!

The Last Straw

A cracked facade of dignity you bottom out with class / it must be hard to make a difference when your head is up your ass / but your nose is above water , you continue wasting air / you�ve got a hat to talk through and some opinions to share

~I swear its gonna change this time

Apparently a week ago you read some magazines / sounded out some words you can�t pronounce so now you�re a machine / assaulting me with numbers and a host of misread lies / a loaded gun of ignorance and its time to save some lives

(chorus)

You�re all up tight and frustrated your blood begins to boil / you scream and fight because you�ve lived your life sheltered spoon-fed and spoiled / you talk and talk and talk and talk but never say a thing / soapbox sermon crying out, proclaiming yourself king

You could be next

hidden deep in secret files, records of your name / your life is being monitored every hour every day / 1000 cameras watching as you go and take a piss- no matter where you go surveillance has you in its fist

-can�t run, can�t hide

 another victim of the electric eye

-you could be next

you�re running and you�re sweating but you just cant get away / they commandeer identities and then wipe clean the slate / looking back over your shoulder, shadows at your heels / watching when your back�s turned when you�re looking, disappear.

Egg Patrol

Woah! We�ve got the eggs! A rain of yolk upon your head /grade A grenades bombard your car- we drive by and launch from ours /crack! On the window-Crack! crack! on your door. A dozen rounds of ammunition destined to destroy /Around the corner we lie in wait. Surprise sucker, egg on your face!

-Egg Patrol      run and hide

-Egg Patrol      east coast, west side

Yeah! We�re ridin� high / people duck when we cruise by / pedestrians to their dismay get nailed by eggbombs every day / crack! From the roof- crack crack! On your bike. Lurking in the shadows and we hit the 55/ don�t kid yourselves, cuz no one�s safe from the shelled assault - we�ll egg your place!

(chorus)

Your Life, The Law

-you�ve seen the remains from the same mistakes / a thoughtful hint to play it safe / another reminder, we�re here to set you straight / windshield lies in your lap / your face is red from airbag rash/ this time you were lucky, the seat-belt saved your ass / a rainy day, a brand new car / our hero doesn�t make it far / in these situations recall- its your life its the law!

 late one night a nasty crash, twisted metal and broken glass / pulled from the wreck with the jaws of life / the smart ones live and the others die

Blink of an eye and then you�re dead / just buckle up and use your head / or be an ignoramus and and make certain your death / burning rubber, screeching tires / pullin� glass from your ass with a pair of pliers / the margin was narrow, escaping with your life / you take a risk behind the wheel / tons and tons of speeding steel / you take it for granted don�t we all? Its your life its the law!

      (chorus)

This is the price, the price that you�ll pay / a coffin made of metal wrapped around a tree some day / its a simple device and it just might save your life/ the smart ones live while the others die!

The next big star of prime-time news / smile big, it could be you / a tragic poster child fills some deadly shoes / count your blessings 1, 2, 3 / they�ll stick your mug up on TV /  a symbol of victims regretfully deceased /be sure to  remember me / when you�re staring at the ceiling in surgery / a simple reminder, that�s all...its your life, its the law!

(chorus)

Suicide Cult

39 down and a ton to go / that�s life in a suicide cult / taking orders from a purple shroud / Pledge allegiance to the purple shroud

-I got drugs and I want out now

Hey man, did you hear about the UFO? / I�m in the cult and I�m dying to go / never ever let em push you around / From whence I came and shall return to the ground / I�m a victim of a B movie scheme / yeah I�m a real fuckin� hero on the suicide scene

(chorus)

Half ass messiah- just what we need / We came, We saw and conquered and were willing to bleed/ all we need�s a union and a pile of drugs / forget the trauma, sweep it under the rug / we got a suicide religion for the helpless and mad / no time to waste when there�s redemption at hand

Target: Youth

Stifle, Repress,  Gag and bond / One nation under fun party on and on / All for fun and fun for all / Knockin� over furniture, shake the walls / Freeze in your tracks, there�s a knock at the door / They begin to cause a ruckus so you hit the floor / The scowls on their faces are a decent indication That our recreation has become the basest crime

men in black suits, they kick down the door / their shadows fall upon the suspect trembling in the corner / a gruesome fate now its too late, a spoiled master plan / you had your fun, now pay the price- you�ll hang from the loose ends!.......TARGETED YOUTH!

Wipe the smiles off those juveniles! / first step content- next step wild! / every city, every town, we�ll turn those smiles into frowns / cuz kids with stuff to do are kids with poisoned minds / so let�s make sure those punks are making good use of their time

Onslaught

Standing in the crowd with your fist in the air / biting scratching punching fighting kids with spiky hair / sweaty thrashing bodies clashing, swirling not by choice / we come to breed destruction and to give anger a voice / rise above- an empire of chaos and mistrust / directed at  a system that regards us with disgust

-Onslaught Onslaught Onslaught

They give you nothing, you�re not hesitant to pay / Accept it with a smile, can�t you see you�re getting raped? / Opposition to left, conflict on the right / trace it all to politics where evil�s at its height / But this is what we stand for, the reason for our fight / we plan our tactics wisely and we launch attack by night

-chorus

Even in our militance we stay somewhat benign / not forgetting where were from and leaving none behind / a word to all the assholes that destroy other�s fun / maybe your bullshit will stop when the odds are 10 to 1 / I defend-a people tormented-by nazi games-nobody�s laughing

Only 37 � % of all Cops are Jerks

if you�re lost just find a cop and tell him your address  / police are trained to help out little children in distress / the badge is a sign that reaches out and says �I am your friend� / the majority of the boys in blue are fine Americans!

  Scandals and donuts are all that you see but not all cops are inclined to abuse authority / somewhere there�s   

  a cop or two that�s working for the law...remember that next time that you�re up against the wall.

Cops- you hate em just because you get caught / repercussions for your actions, never been taught / sirens- you hear em and you break out in a sweat / you�ve lived too long in ignorance and this is what you get

   (chorus)

The cops will help you find the homeless guy who stole your bike / the cops help make it safe for you to walk the streets at night / I know that now and then the fuzz will give you a hard time /but  they�ve got to do the best they can to keep you kids in line.

   Scandals and donuts are all that you see / but the cops have got a messy job in cleaning up the streets / so  

   time that you generalize be sure to keep in mind / that if we didn�t have police we�d sure be in a bind

6 Down

I see the world through the bottom of a glass /  amazing magic liver, disappearing with my cash / I�m 17 but I look 35 / I pass out behind the couch, I�ve got a pulse all right

   I can�t see straight. . . BEER! / Oh boy! I�m having fun! . . . BEER!

   I don�t seem to feel my legs . . . BEER! / Maybe I should have another . . . BEER!

When I wake up two days from now I�m sure regret will set in / But after all there�s Tylenol to stop my head from spinning / My main concern is did I miss a rad party last night / as I slept through the entire day but it was worth the ride

  (chorus)

I have hope and I have fears, of course I�ve drowned them all in beer / i toss one back and watch them wash away / but even so I always know that when my splitting headache goes that I shall live to drink another day My face is pale, my breath is stale / my body tingles like it�s full of ginger ale / so bag it, I�m flagged, take my keys and prop me up against the door- I�ll watch the sunrise on another fuzzy day.

    6 beers down. . . BEER! / and just in time for lunch . . . BEER!

    What goes good with tuna fish? . . . BEER! / maybe I should have another . . . BEER!

Un Bicho Raro

Sometimes I sit and watch the clouds, sometimes I�ll stop and stare / Sometimes I get to thinking is this all too much to bear?

   Un Bicho Raro /big fat smile / Un Bicho Raro /  but I don�t mind

In the cafeteria I eat my lunch alone /sometimes I whistle walking down the street on my way home / Sometimes ill wear the same T-shirt for 6 days at a time / and I�ve been known to eat some stuff long after it�s expired.

   Un Bicho Raro / that�s ok / Un Bicho Raro / take my choice away

Pointing Fingers

I remember way back when, when boys were boys and men were men / the weekend would come and out I�d go / headed downtown to a 5 buck show / it seems these days we pound our fists and go see bands that start with �DIS�  / it used to be we�d dance and smile but it�s been a fight scene for quite a while

   Why must we be enemies?  Don�t  try to tell me its better or complain in your �zines / what today is        

   religion is tomorrow a fad / but  you�re perfectly happy  with your X on your hand

Windmilling and thrashing / you look like a dick / you grimace the night away while you�re getting your kicks / and everyone wonders why the kids all went home / you know what�s a shame? It�s no one�s fault but your own.

Long Story Short (While You Were On Vacation I Went To The Zoo With Your Girlfriend)

I�ve got a little secret, well it�s really not that small / in fact y�know on second thought, its 5 and a half feet tall / we saw the house of primates and the alligator pit / hey man, you just might want to sit down for this...

While you were on vacation I went to the Zoo with your girlfriend!!!

Stand Together

Three long shadows twice as black as night / they belong to us and don�t forget it / when we hit town you best prepare to have a bad day / we spell trouble in all capital letters

If there�s ever any doubt we can spell �em all out / a dozen reasons you should feel threatened / but everything�s ok just as long as we�re a hundred yards away and we don�t move in your direction

    1 and 1 and 1 is three. Hi Five for standing up against majority

    We�re surrounded. Backed in a corner, but we always think of something

Stand together, Stand together / unite and fight, we gotta band together

Never sit with your back to the door  / you�re a goner way before you even know it. Normal guys with crazy smiles the first glance throws you off cuz we don�t show it

If you got a problem, we put you down for three so make sure that you rethink your intentions

heads will roll, that�s proven fact, the victims are too numerous to mention

    1 and 1 and 1 is three. Hi Five for standing up against majority

    We�re surrounded. Backed in a corner, but we always think of something

                Stand together, Stand together / unite and fight, we gotta band together

Tomorrow

Who�s gonna pick the pieces up and clean it up, the mess we made / and what�ll we do if no people show up and we play to the wall, guess that�s the way it goes / then its gone and its never comin� back / we�re kind of fond of this mess, we made it ourselves / though times arte tough we always know

                tomorrow will come, it always does

We won�t crack or drop our guard / we�ll pave the way and play by our own rules / and if we don�t like em we�ll break em and start anew / with heads held high we�ll hold our own and make it know that we just won�t take no for an answer.

                tomorrow will come, it always does

Today  you�ve got to make decisions for yourself / stand by for compromise and don�t take any shit from no one else / Today time runs on but time�s not running out / rant, rave and scream and shout / without a doubt there�s yesterdays.

                tomorrow will come, it always does

Educational Programming

No mind to speak of

strung  like mice / to machines with wires and flashing lights

force fed the standards, commercial law decrees

bow to the flicker of the TV screen

Who had sex with someone

who slept with someone else

who told the press and who digressed?

And who�s book tells all and sells?

                Watch PBS

                Prime Time

                TV taught me everything I know

Why the hell should I go outside? I�ll watch it on TV

there�s a great big dent in the living room couch

and it�s shaped just like me

I�m  a click away from Christmas Day

and two from Church  and true salvation

and it�s ok if I lose my way

I�ll turn to the preview station

                Shop at home

                Football

                TV taught me everything I know

I�ve traded in my aspirations / content in the obliteration

the lines were once so clear and now a blur

The state of being in a state / by definition to relate

to something or to nothing as it were

Perpetually tied and noosed / a fate that�s purely self induced

The answers must be served to me through sight

At intervals I watch and see the way to live and how to be

It guides me / with rays of colored light

The Beginning of the Last Great Insurrection

The old ways, replace them. Now�s not the time to revive but rebuild- it�s the start of an all-new show. And we will not believe it until we touch it and feel it. We�re marked survivors from dog-eared pages of the past. We will make it last. We�ll make it�.

I SEE NO REASON TO BE ALL LACKING LUSTER AND FREE

OF RESPONSIBILITY IN CASE I WANT TO NEED IT.

I�ve played the asshole. I�ve played the friend. I�d call it nothing but regrettable.

I�m fit for that role. Paid �til I�m spent. And here I am assessing all the damages.

Take a chance on a new dance.

Outdated. Old theories un-repostulated. New patterns in the static, dim on old complacent screens. And we will dance our dance of choice and manifest our common voice. We�ll make repairs and scrape the rust from the long dormant machines. Then we will take it back. We�ll take it�.

I SEE NO REASON TO BE ALL LACKING LUSTER AND FREE

OF RESPONSIBILITY IN CASE I WANT TO NEED IT.

I�ve played the asshole. I�ve played the friend. I�d call it nothing but regrettable.

I�m fit for that role. Paid �til I�m spent. And here I am assessing all the damages.

Take a chance on a new dance.

  And yes we came to cause a scene. Disrupting your so-precious sleep- we sing of future while you dream past-tense on what you�ve lacked. Corrupting all your beauty queens, you sized us up in magazines- it�s time that we refuted all the things you�ve claimed we�re not. Then we will taste success. We�ll taste it�

I SEE NO REASON TO BE ALL LACKING LUSTER AND FREE

OF RESPONSIBILITY UNLESS WE TAKE A CHANCE ON A NEW DANCE.