revelations2

DISCLAIMER: All hail Joss Whedon, UPN, the WB, FOX , Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. Theirs not mine.

I stand there, stunned. Tara pulls me into a hug.� It�ll be okay, Buffy. He�s just shocked. This will all blow over before you know it.�

I let her rock me for a moment, feeling comforted. Reluctantly, I break free. �I don�t think he...�

The doorbell rings. I run to the door, throwing it open. �Xander-�

A pizza delivery boy is standing there, laden with boxes. �That�ll be $35.62, ma�am.�

I turn around, looking for my purse. I grab the cash and hand it to him. �Keep the change.�

I put the pizza boxes on the table in the dining room. Willow is typing on her computer. She won�t make eye contact. Walking into the kitchen, Dawn is holding the baby, chatting with Cordelia.

�He is so cute. But I don�t know how you can stand listening to him cry. I had to put some music on, slap on my headphones to drown it out�� Seeing me, she smiles. �Where is Spike?�

Right on cue, Angel and Spike come in through the kitchen door. They have on matching grim expressions. Spike�s face lights up when he sees Dawn. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and kisses her cheek. �Missed you to pieces, bit.�

She hugs him back hard. �I�m so glad that you�re okay.�

Spike looks down. �So this is the spawn of Angelus, right?� He looks at Angel. �Can I hold him?� he asks. Angel looks at him as if he has grown another head. �I just want to hold him, not eat him,� he says sarcastically. Dawn carefully hands him Connor. Spike cradles the baby, looking at him with delight. He paces around the room. �You look like your mum,� he says. �What a bitch she was. Bleeding gorgeous woman, though. Good thing you take after her. Your dad�s got an ugly mug. What with the big brow and all.� Spike gestures at his forehead.

I look over at Angel, expecting an imminent meltdown. But he is just watching with a small smile on his face. At that moment, it hits me that he really is a father. His face is full of pride, and unconditional love. The baby starts to cry. Spike whispers in his ear, patting him gently on the back. Soon the baby is asleep. Spike watches him closely, his face open and happy. I�ve only ever seen him look that way at Dawn, or me.

It feels like someone is squeezing a fist around my heart. The love that I feel is overwhelming. I don�t even realize that I�m crying until Angel puts his hand on my shoulder. �Buffy, are you okay?� I try to answer him, but I can�t choke out the words. Turning, I walk through the door onto the back porch. I sit in the dark, pulling myself together.

The door opens and Spike sits down next to me. He turns my face towards him, wiping away my tears with his thumb.

�I�m never going to have a normal life,� I say. �Xander and Willow, they understand that being with you is not normal. They want me to be happy, to have all the stuff everyone else wants. Marriage, house, minivan, kids.�

I look over at him. He is staring at me, thoughtfully. �Well, truly enough I�m not the white picket fence kind of guy.�

�We�ll never have that. No big, fancy wedding. No Tupperware parties.� I fight to keep tears out of my eyes. �No babies. I mean, not that I would even know what to do with a baby. But knowing, that it will never, never be us. It hurts.�

He sighs, stroking my hair. �Well, you could have that. Just not with me. With someone else-�

Turning to him, I cup his face in my hands. �I�m yours. You�re mine. There is no one else.�

He kisses me fiercely, his hands threaded in my hair. I slip my hands underneath his shirt, feeling the coolness of his skin.

Our kiss continues, deepens. I can tell him everything with my body that it is so hard to say. How much I need him. How desperate I was at the thought of losing him. How beautiful he is to me.

He pulls me into his lap, holding my hips and rubbing me against his erection. It feels too good, leaving us panting. �God, I want to take you,� he murmurs in my throat. He bites my neck, small bites that deepen as his arousal grows. My nipples harden and I grow wet, needing more. He slides his hand in my pants, slipping a finger inside me. �I�ve got to get in there,� he says, biting my ear.

�We can�t, not here,� I whisper.

Take me elsewhere right quick then,� he says, �I�m not going to wait.� His hand slides up to my waistband, ready to rip off my pants. Looking in his face, I see he is barely holding on. Spike�s ready to take me right there, on the porch.

Pulling him through the empty kitchen, we hear laughter and chatting from the dining room. We run upstairs. Slamming and locking the door, Spike tosses me on my bed. He sheds his clothing as I strip off mine. He stands there, staring at me. �I�ve dreamed of this so many times,� he says. �You waiting for me, warm and naked in this bed.��