claimed2

I went to the police station through the tunnels. I lurked in the foyer and listened to the conversations, as I figured that a girl who turned herself in for murder would be pretty big news in Sunnydale. When it was clear to me that she hadn�t done it after all, I left and made the way back to my crypt. As I smoked and walked, I thought. I thought of Buffy, and how she made me feel. The things that she�d said. What she�d done.

I tried to sleep, but my bed seemed cold and musty. I pressed a soft pillow to my chest, and pretended it was Tara. I thought of her scent, her smile, and her softness. I stared at the ceiling and tried to recapture the feeling of her. When I finally woke, it was after dark. I made my way to Buffy�s house. A familiar figure walked down the other side of the street in the opposite direction.

�Tara!� I called out as I crossed the street to her. She startled. �Sorry, didn�t mean to scare you.� She looked down at the ground, and seemed unwilling to look at me. �About last night�� I began.

She looked up at me, and her face was a rosy pink. She was flushed, embarrassed. �Just forget it ever happened.�

�Tara�� I began.

�You don�t have to say anything,� she said sweetly. �It was just the spell, and the drug I gave you, and I felt so alone and�� She stopped and bit her lip. �I�m sorry,� she said awkwardly. �I didn�t know.� Her face crumpled and she ran away.

�Tara!� I yelled after her, confused. She ran swiftly and never looked back. I continued on to Buffy�s determined to get this over with.

I knocked on the front door. She opened it, saw me, and slammed it in my face. �Open the door.� There was no response. �Open the fucking door, Buffy!� I screamed loudly, fed up.

She opened the door and crossed her arms in front of her. �What do you want?�

�Are you alright?� I lowered my voice. �What happened with the, you know, accident?�

�Not your problem, Spike,� she said briskly. �The Scoobies and I are on it. I didn�t hurt anyone.�

I smiled at her in relief. �Well, that�s great, Slayer.�

She looked at me coldly and raised her chin. �Is that all?�

The smile slid from my face. �I will always love you, Buffy.� She rolled her eyes and started to shut the door. �Will you just give me one second,� I said angrily. She stopped the door halfway and looked at me. �I will always love you,� I repeated. �If you need me, I will always be there for you. You can always count on me.� She stared at me blankly. �I won�t be coming around any more. I�d rather you left me alone too, unless you need me to help you.� I tilted my head and looked at her. �I was wrong.�

�Wrong about what?� she asked, with only a hint of real interest.

�You don�t always hurt the one you love,� I said. �Real love doesn�t hurt at all. I never knew that before, but I�m learning it now.� I turned my back and walked past the tree where I had spent too many nights watching, always on the outside looking in.

I knocked on the door of Tara�s room, but there was no answer. I knew she was inside. I could hear her heartbeat. �Tara, it�s Spike,� I called. �Can you let me in?� There was no response, but I could hear her breathing erratically. I smelled salt. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a thin metal shim. I jimmied the door and walked in. The room was dark and appeared empty except for a lump underneath the covers on the bed. �What�s wrong, love?�

�Go away, please,� Tara said softly. Her voice was thick with tears. If I had any doubt before, now I knew exactly how she felt.

�I�m sorry that I took advantage of you,� I said to her. She began to cry louder. �I�m sorry that I�m an idiot. I try not to be one. But you�re very beautiful, and you are so sweet, and I respect you so much. What we did last night, you being with me, it was the happiest I�ve ever been. The closest thing to heaven an evil bastard like me could ever hope for.�

She pulled off the covers. Her hair was in disarray, and her face was puffy from crying. �It�s very sweet of you to say that,� she said slowly, �but you don�t have to pretend.�

�Pretend that you mean something to me?� I asked her.

She closed her eyes. �I know that you l-l-love Buffy,� she said sadly.

�I love Buffy, just like you love Willow. Someone that you care for, but can never be with.�

Tara looked at me with confusion. �I saw Buffy tonight, and she told me that you were� together.�