I was born with a cherry red colored birthmark that covers mostly the left side of my face. I didn't realize I had one until I was around 3 years old. I think I somehow knew before that but the wires in my brain didn't make the total connection until later. Maybe I thought it was something that would go away like a grape juice stain or a sun burn. I don't really know what my thoughts were. I just remember that it got me some special attention. I remember my parents talking about it between each other and with some family and friends. I remember them flying me in our family plane, leaving the little airstrip on our ranch and setting out for places with airports, with food and with doctors. I always thought of them as adventures just for me. I remember one trip when my sister, who is two years older than I, got air sick. I thought "How could she, this is fun!"
The first real memory is when I was looking in a mirror that was hanging on the wall of the living room of our little mobile home on the prairie. I stood on our rocker looking over the back of it to the wall that held my reflection. I was mesmerized with myself, the creation of my face in general, but mostly my eyes and my skin. I recollect my trying out the peripheral vision in my eyes by trying to see how far to the side of me I could see while the mirror was to my side. I then looked into the mirror, covering one eye at a time; I tried to catch the one eye looking at the other. I recall making myself go cross-eyed. It is then that I noticed how the skin that was colored red would fade when I put my hand on it so I then proceeded to take my index finger and press on it to see the color fade to tan skin. I did this over and over each time pressing harder or pressing bigger areas. I then realized that I had something that I had never noticed anyone else to have. It didn't scare me or even change my thinking about who I was after learning about my differences. It just was there, and I was still me.
I was probably about four years old when I remember my first episode of teasing. I had gone to town with my mom and sister to do our weekly shopping, laundry and visiting of family. My sister and I had gone to play at my cousin's house. Out in her back yard I remember a kid that was playing in the next yard over coming up to the fence and asking what was on my face. I stood looking at him very puzzled as to what he meant. With the help of my sister reminding me, I told him that I had a birthmark, which I was born with. That boy then with out missing a beat stated that it looked like to him that I had spilled my strawberry cool aid all over that side of my face. He then declared matter-of-factly that cool aid doesn't come off. In the mean time while all this was going on more kids from the yard he was playing in began to gather around and listen. He yelled out "Cool Aid Face!" "Cool Aid Face!" and pretty soon all the other kids joined in chanting "Cool Aid Face!" over and over again with add-on's like "Cool Aid Face, Cool Aid Face, she drooled on her face!" All I remember is feeling heat come to my face, tears to my eyes that burned like fire as they ran down my face and a lump in my throat that felt as big as an apple and wouldn't allow me to swallow without pain. I wanted to cry out so bad, but I wouldn't, I couldn't. I did not want them bullies to see me cry. Instead I ran into my cousin's house and fell into my mother's arms and started sobbing so hard that I thought I would not be able to stop. My mom just held me asking over and over what had happened. I couldn't even speak at first. When I tried to calm myself my sobs were interrupted with loud gasps for air.
That was the day that I learned about being stained with something that made me sooo� different. I remember wanting to leave the planet earth and fly away to a place that made me feel special again.
God Made Me Special