Jobee's Journal
8/3/02
Just to let anyone who cared know, I've patched things up between me and the boy. I haven't been writing because I've been at Summer Art College. When I get back, I'll be able to post a big update with all the kewl stuff I've done. Then I'll be able to work on my kiss dolls and GKDG. You'll all just have to wait until then. Well, you don't have to wait. You can get involved with the cool stuff going on at the GKDG! Don't know how to make kiss dolls? I've made a tutorial! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
7/16/02
I've screwed up big time. I've been way too mean to the boy I was going out with and he got the cajones to dump me. This is the first time a boy's dumper me instead of the other way around. I know I said I don't like boys, but, gendar aside, he's actually been one of the nicest relationships I've had. I didn't even realize how much getting dumped by him would hurt. I mean, I don't want to be straight. I prefer women, but he's definately worth getting to know! He has been nothing but respectful (albiet annoying at times) and I've been a total bossy jerk to him. I've sent him an email apologising to him, but I don't know what else to do. Okay, so I'm kinda bi. I must have made him so upset. I was too selfish to think about his feelings at all. I hope he emails me back.
7/11/02
Boys scare me, they really do. Why can't I be smart and not get caught up in these messes? I miss having a girlfriend. I know it's not the most orthodox relationship, but I feel better when I'm with a girl. Shit, I just came out on the internet. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I've been dropping hints here and there anyway. I'm so scared of guys when they put me in a corner, but I guess it doesn't take much. I always get out, usually by hurting the guy. I shouldn't get involved with boys at all, but I get so lonely. I live in an area and an age group with barely a few out lesbians. That leaves me with two choices; go out with a guy, or be lonely. I've been lonely a lot. I don't want to hurt the guy I'm with now, G, but I probably will eventually. I do that to any guy I go out with. I haven't gone out with many, I'm no slut. I feel awful. While I think of girls, he thinks of me. I wish I hadn't done that to him. Since I'm going to the Art College program soon he's been really naggy and annoying because he thinks I'll find a girlfriend while I'm there and dump him. Well, that would be nice, but with my luck (i have very bad luck) that probably won't happen. I'm probably the worst girlfriend on the earth and he's afraid to let go of me. Right now, I'm just kinda worried about G. He's probably mad at me right now. In an email, he said he planned on jumping me when I got back and I wrote him back telling him not to joke like that because it really scares me. What a crummy day.
7/10/02
I love getting requests for my kiss dolls, even if my dolls actually suck! I almost feel bad sending sometimes, because they're so awful! C'est la vie. I'll get better at them eventually. I still have two more images before I can update the GKDG, but I want to hold out on updates until I'm done! I'm finaly interested in finishing Wakaba again. Maybe I will before I leave for college! That would be nice. The evil cousins are out of my hair. I went swimming yesterday. That felt great! I haven't gone swimming in ages. If you haven't already guessed, I'm not the outdoorsy type. My sister found a very nicely done Tolkien fansite. I'll make a link to it so you guys can see it. Neither of us have read any Tolkien, but one must appreciate a well designed website. My sites are still very boring to look at, but I'm working on it. I don't like to bother with annoying buttons and backgrounds. I just don't think they're fun anymore. Time for me to go finish something. Bye bye.
7/6/02
Nothing makes me happier than getting a project done! Well, maybe a few things, but who's counting? Anyway, I've finally finished the new text directory for the GKDG! I've been working on that for ever! I haven't posted it yet, because I want to post it with the brand new What Kind of KiSS Doll are You? quiz, I've been working on. I think I can finish it in a vew short days, and then put up a huge update for the GKDG. I really hope the members like it. The personality quiz is a special surprise I've been working on! I can talk about it here because no one ever reads this. After that, I'll make a mascot contest entry and I can work on something else for a while! I really enjoy working for the GKDG. I hope to get more members. Bye bye for now.
7/5/02
Hello all you happy people! Actually, my site really hasn't gotten many visits since I submitted Fisher to Otakuworld. That's kinda sad, how no one comes on my page to read any fics or see any art. Hey, whatever sells, and Kiss Dolls sell. So I'll make another pretty looking kiss doll to get bad ratings and hope that the people who come to my site lookin' for it decide to poke around in the other areas of my minimal talent. I've been very interested in those personality quizzes lately, not that I need anyone to tell me what kind of person I am. Arie is starting to show a tiny bit more interest in our site, but still spends most of her time collecting ElfQuest pics. The cousins are out of my house now. I can go back to being a computer bum. Oh yeah, I figured out that I rate my success by my accomplishments. Makes sense, doesn't it? In any case, I've gained a higher appreciation for people who accomplish stuff. It's very hard to make a successful site. I rate success by having a lot of useful content, easy to understand navigation, fast pages, and at least some regular traffic. I should submit some stuff to a fanfiction site. Hmm good plan.
7/2/02
Gee, it's been a while since I last wrote. Well, I'm still here. Sorry, I've been watching over my cousins for a week. I will never have children, ever! That had to be the worst hell week in my life! Now, I'm at their brand new, un-airconditioned house sweating like a dog. I'm taking a break from putting away the biggest Buzz Lightyear collection known to man. I haven't had the time to do any kiss dolls or mascots or anything! My fic, Luris's Luck, is coming along okay. I like it. I was able to do two watercolors for it, although one isn't finished. The finished one is a scene from part 1 of the story. As soon as I can, I'll scan and post them. There's been a little action at the GKDG. Some members are getting psyched about doing a collab doll, and I have two mascot entries... still. As soon as I finish mine, we'll only need three more! Ayla Lavoie is now being voted on in the Miss Doll New hampshire preliminaries. Please go vote for her! I talked with one of my friends the other night. He's just as dumb as he's always been. Why can't he keep his precious truck away from the auto-body shop? Oh well, not my problem. I'm going to Art college summer studios soon. I'm really looking forward to it. That's all for now. Toodles.
6/24/02
Hi nobody! My two little cousins and their three cats have taken over my house! This is just the first day and I don't like it! I haven't touched the Wakaba kiss doll or the Tiara beta. I'm trying to focus on other things. I made a little comic strip. I'm gonna make another one. I miss some of my friends. I wish I could drive just so I could leave. I gotta hurry up now, so I can't write much. See you later!
6/19/02
Not much is going on right now. I'm unemployed, which makes me very unhappy, but that's life. I wasn't fired, if that's what you're thinking. I'm a very good employee. I finished my entry for the miss doll america contest. I'll send it in later. The Wakaba kiss doll is about 2/3 done. I've started working on my Tiara beta doll. She'll be much better than the first one. I'm not going to make a Bee beta. I have a chibi Bee doll about 1/3 done from last year I think. I should probably finish that, but I'll finish Wakaba first. I do artwork besides computer stuff too. I recently scanned a watercolor of Tiara. That should be on my Shamanic Princess page soon. I'm also going to do a Lena doll. I already have a template! Arie want's to do a kiss doll, so if she stays interested long enouph, we're going to do a collab. I would actually enjoy doing a collab with her. I got other stuff to do now, see you later!
6/12/02
Wakaba's a big success! She's got an 84% rating! That's my best So far! Fisher has been very helpful too. Despite his poor ratings, 42% of the HH's page refferals are from Fisher! At least he's cute! I really want to make my kiss dolls and mascots downloadable, but I've heard complaints about geocities blocking off the page because of used up bandwidth. Blah! Maybe I'll just make a few of them downloadable and the rest require email requests. Yeah, I think I'll do that... later. Right now I'm having fun typing blahblah. I only have 5 fics up. That's pathetic. I spend too much time on kiss dolls and stuff like that. I don't even have a gallery and I'm a friggin' artist! I gotta do stuff. At least I'm not depressed. I'm kinda happy, though I miss my best friend from the town I used to live in. We talked on the phone last night. See? I have friends. Pardon my sarcasm right now, ok? I think I wanna make a Wakaba page. She's awesome, you know. Not much is going on in the GKDG. I really wanna do a collab, but I didn't even get any entries for the mascot contest. I gotta get a little more participation first! I'm probably gonna retry the mascot contest starting next week, to see if I get anything. People are busy though, even me. I have to get a summer job still. .-_-. I think this is the longest page in theis website. No, Arie's bishie page is. Dang!
6/9/02
I'm a little bored. Nothing big is happening right now. Fisher is now on the BKP< but he has a horrible rating. I suppose if I did a cute girl with big eyes and the same half punk wardrobe everybody else does then I'll get a good rating! I sent the Wakaba mascot, but it's not up yet. The Wakaba doll will be the first with which I try fkiss. Wish me luck! I checked my Jaliens ratings the other day and was again dissapointed. It only got a 50, but that's the best rating I've gotten so far. Oh well, I'll just keep workin on those. My real life is less than wonderful too. Oh jeez, look at me. I'm sitting here complaining! This doesn't work! See you later!
6/1/02
Well, I feel better than last time! My parents went out and got me a mini fridge for my dorm this summer. Now it feels like I'm going. I cried. I also finished my Wakaba mascot. It's very cute and the animations came out great, if a little choppy. I'll publish it tomorrow. My Wakaba kiss doll is about a third done. I still have to resubmit my Fisher doll. In the GKDG, there's the possibility of a members bio page and a tools page. I've gotten 8 responses about the bio page, but nothing about Kiss doll tools. Probably because it takes work to make tools, but it doesn't take work to submit a bio. Nobody entered in the mascot contest either, it involves work. Oh well, humans will be humans. I'd like to start a collab doll with them too, but I want to get a little more participation first.
5/30/02
I feel like crap. I should be happy, but I'm not. I only have two weeks left of school and I'm going to have a month of art college over the summer and I... I dunno, I just feel kinda low. I got some work done on my Wakaba doll, then I took the body and made a window-sitter mascot. It's almost finished. I like doing animated stuff.I think I hate making kiss dolls and should just to mascots instead. I'll probably change my mind later though. People think I'm lazy and sometimes I think so too, even though I know I work very hard. A lot of my work is on the computer, so they think it's not work or something. I spent a year learning how to make websites and kiss dolls and all this other crap and it doesn't really pay off! Nobody in the offline world gives a damn what I do to my website or kissdolls or anything else! Even if I get really excited about a webpage I finished or mascot I finished, my art teacher doesn't care! He doesn't even like computers! While he's bitching about doing ceramics and stone sculpture, I'm doing small forms of animation and fashion design elements. What I do is art too! All I'm doing ia whining. None of this blather matters to anyone. If anyone actually reads this page, e-mail me. I don't even like this Happyhouse site anymore. I made this site to share with my sister, and she doesn't give a damn about it. All the work on this website is mine. I've given up on my other site, the elf place. I only really enjoy working on the GKDG, because it involves a little interaction with other people who do what I do, agonize over their websites and kissdolls! Even they don't do that much. Our message board is gathering dust.
5/25/02
I'm so excited! I've been accepted into a summer program at my favorite art school! I can't wait to meet other people who are just serious about getting into an art career as I am. I'm also glad because the art teachers in my school are awful. earlier this week, my elements of design teacher said to me, "Well, if you really wanted to learn the elements of design, you should have told me earlier in the semester!" She's a complete airhead. I haven't added anything to my shamanic princess page, or done any kiss dolls. I've been busy. The main page looks very boring. Blah! You could probably read all the content on this site in a half-hour. I hope I will never fool myself enouph to call myself a webmaster. By the way, Arie wants to make an ElfQuest fanpage, so you might see one in the next few months.
5/13/02
I haven't much to add to my sites. I've been busy working on other stuff, and GKDG got a new member. They keep writing their requests on the messageboard, saying they can't find my email address. It's almost on every page I thought! I already had it in bold on the index page, so I added a banner with a link to my email to the index. I hope nobody thinks I'm full of myself or something. Oh well. No time to work on the SP page or my kiss doll. I also have an elements of design page to do for my class. Yipee! -_-;;;
5/12/02
I've seen a bunch of livejournal sites and opendiary sites and I think they're great, but I don't need another subscription to another thing when I can write right here! I'm not gonna say much about how my day goes and stuff like that. Here's where I can babble! I'm doing a bunch of little projects right now. I'm in charge of a Kiss Doll Guild, which is more work than I'd realized, but I still like it. I haven't made a mascot in a long time, but I finished a kiss doll recently. I have to send my kiss dolls to otakuworld to be put into lzh format, because when I try to it doesn't work. Right now I'm in the middle of a doll called "Wakaba's Hats." Wakaba Shinohara is a character from Revolutionary Girl Utena. She's very perky and hyper. I don't know many people like that. My friend, Elle, can act like that sometimes, but she has a lot of down moments. I wonder if it's manditory to be depressed when you're a teenager. Yep, I'm a teenager. I'm not depressed though. I've gotten over that. I can't find many other people who have. It's funny how depressed people think nobody understands them, when they finally pull out of the misery, they can't find anyone there either, because the rest of humanity is busy being depressed. I don't mind. I believe that no one can understand you except yourself and it's unfair to ask that of other people. There are those people who do nothing but cry and whine and victemize themselves. They annoy me. "Oh boohoo, I hate my life, I want to die, I'm useless, wahwahwah..." Now don't get mad at me and say, "You're not being fair judging these people. You don't know what they've been through or how they feel!" That's unfairly judging me. Save it. I've done the whole suicidal thing. I'm a diagnosed primary bipolar. People think I have it easy because my emotional imbalance was caused internally and can be treated with medication. They think I know nothing about depression because I have no sob story. Aren't I lucky? I'm not lucky because my problem can be fixed like a broken wheel. I'm lucky because I'm able to pull myself out of the emotional lows and take a look at reality when I need to.
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