The cathedral door was flung open big and wide like a monstrous holy yawn. The Swede stood in the doorway, a catholic saint, threnodic as he surveyed the merry throng within. He walked inside carrying a bible and a tin ear and though the occasion was joyful, his heart remained sad, for his one true love, the fair Nico, was imprisoned and he could never experience true happiness without love and he could never experience love without the fair Nico beside him, though he carried a condom just in case. Yet though his heart remained sad, his soul was warmed by the knowledge that they would soon be reunited, for tomorrow he, with the help of his heroic friends, would rescue her. He remained undaunted by the fact that his previous attempts had been abandoned thanks to the evil twists of fate or because he was working nights. "Tomorrow my love, we will be together", he whispered and the choirboy beside him reported him to the priest. He dropped the ear into the cup and took his seat.

Short, scrawny Soze came from the bedhead and waved twice gladly, taking the ear from the cup with one skilful sweep of the wrist and strode through the cathedral wafting still the scent of one of his many hoven lovers. His pockets swelled from each he passed, for this was his way, and though the Swede did not approve, he tolerated his friend for he was a handy man to have around even though he was never around when you needed him. Behind him walked Hague the Warrior, unrecognisable but dangerous. Tomorrow he would dress for battle, but today was a formal occasion and he wore a suit, and his axe and shield were polished shiney clean. He greeted his friends with a few carefully chosen words. Strangler said nothing , for he thought high but spoke low, so silent he sat with the bible clasped tight in his killer's grip. Mustapha the Magician and Brother Arnold the Gifted came in laughing, noses wet with joy, toes stretched in merriment. The mad, manic woman came from the land of chaos to scream at the Thief and having proven herself wrong by her own appearance, she was dissolved by the magician's gentle wink. The Prince arrived last, made late by playing an extended version of Get Me To The Church On Time on his royal banjo. Together once more the six friends, (and of course the Bear), sat down and as the solemn ceremony began, they discussed loudly their secret plans for tomorrow.

Hague had studied the tactics of the enemy, and knew they were at their weakest early in the morning and so suggested a dawn start. The Prince said he was easy, but impressed upon his friends the importance of punctuality. Soze, Mustapha and Brother Arnold each suggested a later start; Soze had taken a fancy to the square lobed bridesmaids, Mustapha liked to do his killing after lunch and Brother Arnold liked to sleep in on a Sunday. Strangler said nothing for he spoke bareheaded though he thought with a hat. The Swede pointed out that the only bus on a Sunday was at ten and took a quick vote on a 10 o'clock start. His five friends nodded and the Bear growled "Da".

They had reached the stage of the ceremony where the priest asked whether anyone knew of any just impediment blah blah blah, and Mustapha demonstrated a little trick he had refined. Throwing his voice, he cried out, "I know of such an impediment!", from another part of the cathedral. Everybody laughed except the bride and her mother, who wept; and the rest of the congregation who looked on in disgust. Nevertheless, the Swede, Soze, Mustapha, Brother Arnold, Prince and Strangler all had noses wet with laughter and sticky-out toes, the Bear farted and Hague melted his spine and promptly died. "Bugger", said the Swede as his friends grew silent, (though Soze giggled a little still, since Mustapha's caper had tickled him). The Swede turned to his friends. "We have lost a gallant comrade", he said, "but we will prevail and rescue the fair Nico, for that is written".

"It's only written on the wall of the Gents toilet", said the Prince.

"But the point is that it is written", said the Swede. And though they did not see the point, they all agreed.

The ceremony proceeded despite Hague's death, for if everybody stopped every time Hague died, nothing would ever get done, (now, that is truly written). They finished with a hymn of sorts, for this was in the modern style, and consisted of a jazz rendition of the Beatles song, All you need is love. The Swede did not wholly approve, for he favoured the traditional hymns, with choir and banjo. The song had been poorly rehearsed and all they knew was a part of the chorus and so for the next 37 minutes everyone sang :

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need.

The Swede needed a shit