love
a selection of my award winning love poetry
elsewhere
a love poem for sue
suzie suzie suzie sue
you love me
and i love you
a love poem for doris
dorie dorie dorie doris
better fighter than my brother maurice
bigger drinker than my uncle boris
"skunkle" ain't a word but "furthermore" is
romantic verse for alice the stump
allie allie allie alice the stump
you made me walk off in a hump
for while i was having a wicked dump
you gave my best mate dave a jump
poem for that girl from ebbw vale whose name i forget
girlie girlie girlie girl from ebbw vale whose name i forget
i had sausage beans and chips you had a baguette
a twelve line sonnet for ann
annie annie annie ann
(also known as poofy stan)
you looked like my best mate dave's gran
you were a smashing pumpkins fan
you went to spain and got a tan
you ran a club they tried to ban
you had a willy like a man
you hit me with your frying pan
when i cocked up your masterplan
and you got ten years in the can
poem for the big tall sister of that bloke keith
biggie biggie biggie big tall sister of that bloke keith
you wore lycra with nothing underneath
you and dave used my last sheath
while i was upstairs brushing my teeth
ode to jane
janie janie janie jane
for you i would have dragons slain
i would have stopped the wind and rain
you packed me in which was a pain
ballad of the cross-eyed girl with the smelly crotch
crossie crossie crossie cross-eyed girl with the smelly
crotch
i turned your passions up a notch
i made you mine i did not botch
i stole your heart you stole my watch
love song for erica le roche
errie errie errie erica le roche
i took you out cos you were posh
but while i was upstairs having a wash
you blew my mate dave and stole my dosh
poem for Jessica Weiss
jessie jessie jessie jessica weiss
we did it behind the chippy once or twice
you said things about me which weren't too nice
to bertha hunt and jenny price
poem for porcame
porkie porkie porkie porcame
you acheived a lasting fame
for having such a funny name
your dad drank gin and was to blame
verse for keighly
keighlyie keighlyie keighlyie keighly
you phoned to say you'd like to see me
you borrowed six pounds fifty-three p
and shagged my mate dave while i had a wee-wee
poem for patsy
pattie pattie pattie patsy
you were a leading neo-nazi
your favourite book was the great gatsby
you smelled of moth-balls fags and cat's pee
song for anita
annie annie annie anita
sugar's sweet but you are sweeter
batman's neat but you are neater
i dreamt we might have a back-seater
but learned you broke into my gas meter
and that you had been christened peter
poem for jill the rave
jilly jilly jilly jill the rave
how your body i did crave
i should not have left you with my mate dave
when i went upstairs to have a shave
poem for that strange girl who stole my rent
strangie strangie strangie strange girl who stole my rent
my love for you would not relent
i tracked you down in newport gwent
where you were known as dai the bent
poem for joanna
joey joey joey joanna
you had a nose like a banana
a wart on your chin like a sultana
you liked to listen to santana
and wearing some old blue bandana
beat me with your uncle's spanner
a requiem to my love for kate
katie katie katie kate
how swift our love did germinate
i proposed to you on our first date
how sad i was to terminate
for reasons which many speculate
and though i can't overelaborate
dave's no longer my best mate
funny
writing
miscellaneous