A CHANGE OF SCENERY - Ainsley's Diary
21st December
I don't believe in resolutions made on New Year's Eve. Plus, I've never been able to actually make them work. I guess you could say my non-believing is a result of my own failures. But I do believe in willpower. And that's why I'm convinced that this resolution made on the 21st December is actually something I'll be able to follow through. I decided to open a whole new chapter in my life, beginning today. I won't make a resolution concerning Sam. I have never been able to give up on him, not even when he was married with child. Instead I promised myself that my life won't revolve around this feeling I have towards him. Sometimes, I think it's only some school-girlish infatuation, but oftentimes I'm actually rendered speechless by the intensity I feel when I'm around him. I decided not to pretend anymore that I don't love Sam, no misdirection, no lying anymore. I've even sent an email to Donna, professing my love to Sam in it. Donna is really the best. She won't judge me like others (my sister for example) do. She will just accept it, and I'm forever grateful for her friendship.
...
The entry above was written 30,000 feet in the air. We arrived with a little delay so CJ and I had only like 10 minutes in the Starbucks. She gave me the key, I gave her mine (still giggling somewhat silly, thinking about spies), we circled some articles in the catalogue for Donna and then said our goodbyes. I bought a tall latte and blueberry muffin and then took a cab to CJ's place. The house is truly fantastic, CJ has excellent taste. It's really something and I already tried out the Jacuzzi. I'm now watching CNN, just because this TV set is huge, and am planning to turn in early.
22nd December
A new day has come. The first full day after my resolution. I was out walking, placing my hand on the pulse of this vibrant city. I really like it although I wouldn't trade it for the DC or for Ainsley House. But the change of scenery makes me feel somehow… alive. Yes, I think that's the right word. Anyway, after taking a shower and going for breakfast to the little French café CJ suggested I'm ready to tackle other parts of the city too.
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Well, my tour was cut short by the drizzle which is more annoying than a by-the-book rain. Anyway, I'm home now and writing in my journal. I think I want a Christmas tree. CJ told me to get one if I feel like it. I think I should.
...
I just bought the biggest Christmas tree I ever had. It's truly magnificent. I bought a hand painted star for the peak but otherwise I used CJ's ornaments. Once again, I have to state that CJ has incredible taste. I spent two hours with decorating the tree, photographed it and sent the picture to Donna. I think I should make use of the Jacuzzi again.
...
Well, that was refreshing. I ordered Chinese and settled down to watch a romantic movie with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet. I don't really like Cameron Diaz, but Kate Winslet and Jude Law are among my favorites (and Jude is of course an eye-candy). Well, they swapped houses like me and CJ, but the similarities end there. I think I should watch another movie. I'll go see what kind of DVDs CJ has.
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Well, she has 'chick flicks' as my father called them, and since I'm new to the genre I watched two. Love Actually made me cry and laugh at the same time. Poor Mark! (By the way, Mark was played by a British actor but actually bears a striking resemblance with Cliff. Calley, I mean.) Anyway, I was really touched by his scenes. I just felt the aching of his heart. The other movie was Sweet Home Alabama, and I really felt sorry for Melanie. She lost her baby, the poor thing. It was so good to watch a movie playing in the South, although it brought on a feeling of homesickness. I think I should call Deirdre.
...
Well, that was predictable. She just hung up on me mid-sentence. Okay, sleep is it then.
23rd December
Guess whose mother lives not four houses away from here? Yeah, right, Sam's. He dropped by to check on CJ, I guess she forgot to tell him that she is going away. And guess what I wore? Yeah, my PJ's. One look out the window this morning, and I climbed back into my bed again. And when Sam knocked on the door around eleven I opened the door, thinking that it was the postman. I opened the door in my PJ's. In my PJ's for Pete’s sake!!! And my hair was a mess. And Sam's eyes were like this wide! I invited him in for coffee, but he said no. In my PJ's!!!!! Okay, I won't obsess them anymore, I promise. But I would like the earth to swallow me right now. Oh, there is a knock on the door.
...
It was Sam again. He brought muffins and bagels. And he smiled. I think I haven't seen him smile like that in the last years. And certainly not since Karen left him, taking Sarah with her. I could kill that woman with my bare hands. Anyway, we drank coffee, we ate the muffins and I told him about the website, about CJ and me swapping houses. And then he told me he was sorry he couldn't come for the funeral. I thanked him for the flowers, and he grabbed my hand while I was crying about Deirdre. She was really mean yesterday evening. Anyway, Sam was really sweet. I told him about Ainsley House and how it was really close to Donna's and Josh's house, and he threw me a funny look. I don't know what he was thinking about, but then he asked me if I wanted to grab lunch later. And since it miraculously stopped raining, I said yes. Not that I would have said no, I would have gone with him even if it had been pouring. Anyway, we went for a walk and he talked about his mother, told the story about his father (which I already knew from Donna), and then he spotted a restaurant he really liked. We ate, we talked some more and then he escorted me home. I invited him in, telling him my plan to watch all the 'chick flicks' of CJ's collection. He laughed. He really laughed. I made him laugh. I'm so giddy right now. He said he couldn't because his mother was waiting for him, but that's okay. I can relive the whole day now.
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I watched Bridget Jones, both actually. It was hilarious. Renee Zellweger is really fantastic. And of course Hugh Grant is an eye-candy. And when I slipped back the DVD into the case someone knocked on my door. It was Sam again. He brought me flowers! And he told me I looked amazing. I'm so giddy right now! Oh, I already wrote that once. But that doesn't matter because that's how I feel. Sam invited me for dinner tomorrow. I thought he must have forgotten that it's Christmas Eve, but then when I pointed this out to him he said that's why he invited me. He said no one should be alone on Christmas Eve and that his mother wouldn't mind. Well, we'll see. Because I accepted his invitation. For obvious reasons. I love the man, I want to spend time with him and if it must be in the presence of his mother then so be it. And then he said his goodbye, taking my hands into his, kissing them. Both. And then he smiled again. And then he left. But I don't really mind 'cause I can see him again tomorrow! And now, good night!
GO TO PART EIGHT