A CHANGE OF SCENERY
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Connecticut
DATE: Sun 18 Dec 10:22:45 -0500
Hi Donna!
Sorry for not answering so long, but I had to take care of my father’s business. He had a lawyer but named me as the executor of his will.
He had a house in New England, but I already told you that. And yes, it’s in Connecticut, it’s called Ainsley House. It’s sweet, isn’t it? And I’m in Connecticut right now, Donna. We (me and my sister) had a terrible fight; she accused Father of unheard things. I think I have been never so disappointed in my whole life. I would have never imagined having a fall out with my family, but right now I can’t bear the sight of them.
So I took off and am now in the wonderful state of Connecticut. It’s so peaceful here, Donna. And I will never sell this house. I left everything that my father possessed to my sister, I only brought some of his books with me and a box of old photographs, but this house is mine, I’ll never give up on it. I wish you could see this house. It’s beautiful and magnificent and regal. And it feels like home. The only thing I miss is a family. Tell me again why I don’t have a family. Right, because I was stupid enough to fall for a married man and now all I have is the distant hope that someday he would notice me as a woman, and not just as a co-worker.
I think I won’t stay here for Christmas though, I don’t think it would be a healthy thing to do. So maybe I’ll show up at your place on the 25th to witness the ‘Great Unwrapping’ with my own eyes. But enough of me. How are the others? Is CJ okay? I would call her, but we’ve never been that close. We were friends, just not close enough. If you happen to talk to her, tell her she is in my prayers.
You know, I had a dream last night. I dreamed about my very first day in the White House. You remember how disastrous that was, right? And then your husband and his friends made me feel better. I still don’t know whose idea it was, I think CJ’s but I felt so welcomed, I felt I might find friends there. I have friends, don’t I, Donna? Sometimes, I think you only tolerate me, but those are the dark thoughts of endless nights. I like you and Josh very much. Somehow even Lou although she is not a very likeable person.
You know I miss the people of the Bartlet White House. I even miss Toby. How is he? Someone told me he is working on a book. Come to think of it, it might have been your husband who told me that. ;) I thought he lost it when he blurted it out, it was so out of the blue, but thinking back, I have a hunch he was bragging that he knows someone who is writing a book. Did I read Josh right? Probably not. You are the only one who can really read him. I hope he knows how lucky he is.
Anyway, I should be back by Christmas Eve, I’ll call you when I’m back in DC.
Hugs and kisses to Hannah,
Ainsley
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: Connecticut
DATE: Sun 18 Dec 11:12:56 -0500
Hi Ainsley!
First of all, you ARE my friend. Period. Now that we established that, let me tell you something that might have slipped your mind. The man you are in love with is no longer married. I know we’ve never talked about this before, Ainsley, and forgive me for butting in, but I had to point that out. And I think he is very well aware of your femininity. Just give him time to put his grief behind. And don’t try to tell me that it’s not him. You are talking to the Queen of Misdirection, my friend. Besides, there is no use in pretending; just read your previous e-mail again and tell me whose name is missing from your little epistle. Right.
Okay, to your questions in reverse order. Yeah, you read Josh right, he is extremely proud of Toby. They had their differences, Josh was appalled that Toby did what he did, but I think they are better friends now because of it. They had a long talk and got everything out. I know, shocking, right? Well, I’m glad they did because I always liked Toby, and now that he is part of our lives I can’t imagine a future where he is not. And he would probably shoot me for the previous sentence. He is okay; the kids are with him right now. I think he is a wonderful father and I think he finally realized that he and Andie will never happen again. They are very civilized now, and I think they are even back to being friends.
So Toby is okay. Which I can’t assert about CJ. She is still hurt, and I think it will be long before we can see her previous self-confident self, but I hope she will soon find something or someone who could center her. I have suggested to her to leave LA for Christmas, and I think she is considering it but I’m not sure she will do it. It’s not my place to tell what exactly happened between her and Danny, but she received and signed the divorce papers on Thursday.
I asked Sam to check on her, you know Josh sent him to the West Coast. He will visit his mom there, and I think he will stay there for Christmas. I think it’s best for him to do so. I miss him terribly but I don’t think that DC is the place he should be around Christmas. My idiotic husband thought Sam should work to numb the feelings he has, but I don’t think that’s the right approach. Josh was decent enough to send Sam to the vicinity where his mother lives, and for that he was rewarded accordingly. ;) He has good ideas occasionally; I just wish he would leave the emotional stuff to me. Although I’m pretty sure that Sam is convinced too that work is the best way to survive Christmas. Could you believe that I had to spell it out to Josh that Sam already survived one Christmas on work; this Christmas should be about healing and finding life again? Sometimes I wonder how males survive their lives with the emotional quotient they possess.
Anyway, I strongly hope that his mother makes him confront his feelings about Karen and little Sarah; he shouldn’t bottle up all those emotions. Of course it’s hard to accept that your ex-wife took off with your child at Christmas, and God knows where she brought her. We had a fight not two weeks ago (I mean Sam and I), but we are okay again. I wish he would accept my love and that I’m concerned about him. He now understands (I think and I strongly hope) that I didn’t ask him to give up on hope, I just told him he should find life again. He is in constant touch with Mike who took upon himself to follow this case even though it not exactly falls in his line of field. I fear for Sam because he needs closure which he obviously can’t get until he knows where Sarah is. I know it was hard for him that his wife filed for divorce while having his baby, but this is something unbearable. I don’t know what I would do without Hannah. But I also know that he needs to go on or else life itself becomes unbearable, and it’s not easy to find your way back once you’re walking through time as an empty shell. I think I got through more or less (rather less) but I think Sam needs the feeling of being loved. Hopefully his mother can convince him that there are things worth in life for living. As I said, I’m really worried about Sam.
And about you too, Ainsley. You definitely shouldn’t spend Christmas alone in Connecticut. (And yes, it was sweet of your father to name the house after you. He must have loved you very much, and I’m sure he still does.) There are times in our lives, Ainsley, when we need the tranquility, the soothing presence of nature, but those are times when we need to be alone to think life over. You don’t need that, your life is not in crisis, you lost a dear relative but you shouldn’t be in a place designed for brooding. You are welcome to spend Christmas with us, although I can’t promise that Josh won’t mock us about watching Christmas movies. But he can make a mean eggnog, and he is ready to do it for us. Hey, we could watch Christmas in Connecticut! You know the old black-and-white version with Barbara Stenwyck. It’d be good.
Let me know when to expect you, I’ll make the guest room ready.
Hugs,
Donna
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: partner in crime?????
DATE: Sun 18 Dec 14:12:56 -0500
Hey!
I still don’t know why you are in the White House. I mean you wanted me to have this Sunday off, and you are in the White House? On a Sunday afternoon? And what does this note mean? You need a partner in crime for what??? Besides, I thought you have a partner in crime. Me. Your husband. And why don’t you pick up your phone? Donna!!!
Come home, we miss you.
Josh and Hannah
P.S. I swear to you she said ‘Dada’ today.
GO TO PART FIVE