Chapter Twelve

PERSONAL KARMIC LIFE EXPERIENCES

The following stories are channeled readings of other lifetimes by Evelyn Jenkins for her clients that I gleaned from the tapes for the material from which I compiled Manna For The Millennium. They vividly characterize karma in action and provide good examples of how the system assists us in realizing and selecting patterns of actions with resultant emotions that will enhance our evolvement in our search for further enlightenment and growth. Actions that create emotions within us in one life can haunt us until we provide enough exposure to transcend our weaknesses.

Island of Darkness

Seeker: "Please give me a description of a life in which I possessed the greatest psychic powers and how that life experience ended in great darkness."

Evelyn: "I see you in a dark, unbearably cold room. Although there is a great deal of anger, more than that it is resistance to Light and Love. (Great feelings of resistance and anger reveal a deep longing for love.) In that historical age Love was feared as a weakness for someone like you who had great powers. A thousand years before the time of Christ, psychic or worldly power was never expressed in Love. Christ came to show us how to overcome that type of consciousness by demonstrating that Love is not weakness, but strength.

"I see a picture of the Earth and there is a large, northern island, which no longer exists, between the west coast of the United States and the Orient, just north of the latitude of Seattle. Quite a civilization flourished on that island, and much of the mysticism and powerful teachings ingrained in the cultures of the Eskimos, Aleuts, and the northern Orient originated and filtered out from there. Many high priestesses resided on this island as well as simple people who didn’t have great powers, but were laborers for their monastery.

"The dark vibrations of the island were extremely feared by those who knew about it, for these powerful beings could control anyone or anything, including the weather. If something agitated them, or didn’t go their way, they could actually bring on a drought. Controlling the weather was a most powerful tool as then they could control the food supply. Anyone subject to their will was totally under their power. They practiced an art similar to black magic, precipitating untold unhappiness on the islanders and residents of the nearby mainland.

"As a priestess, you were a practitioner of these black psychic powers. All priestesses had great power, periodically gathering and demonstrating their dominion in great competitions to determine the supreme sorceress. Innocent people were killed or injured if they became targets for these demonstrations.

"Born into a family on the mainland, your parents sold you at an early age in response to recruiting by cult members who scoured the countryside seeking young, naturally psychic children whom they knew they could train. By raising children from very young ages, they isolated all outside influence, including familial love. You knew nothing else, and your entire inner experience was limited to this dark type of energy. Such conditioning was not conducive to good health or even sexual relationships for you had no heart opening. Most of your psychic abilities, with no spiritual connection, were filtered down immediately into your power base to be used in destructive methods.

"One of Light came from the North as a gift to the people to balance again the planet for this island was becoming such a heavy place of darkness. He incarnated specifically to come to this island, bringing with him a fatal disease to be contracted by all. He died first, and everyone on the island died from the disease, including the innocent. As a result, the dark energies died with the cult members, the island became volcanic, and within a few hundred years exploded and disappeared under the sea."

Female Seeker: "What is there for me to do to move out of that dreadful past so that I am not connected to it any longer?"

Evelyn: "Realize that the disease that killed everyone came from a Light being who sacrificed himself. In your contracting this disease and dying physically, at the time of death those of you who were willing to see what was happening were reminded of a power greater than your own. In your own death you called out to the power because of your fear of the unknown. In so doing, you opened your heart just enough to allow you to be heard and receive a great level of love and peace.

"With that you died, having understood to a great degree how you had misused your life. You did much work on the other side, for when we pass beyond the veil there are many who are waiting to help us reflect upon our lifetime. It is a review time, and they and we work with it as a focal point for continuing our education. You did a great deal of work to understand what had happened, and even though there has been more work in your lifetimes since, you now have come to a point where you understand within yourself the potential of your power in the Universe. You are quite willing to accept that position and in so doing, move towards Spirit without losing anything. Recognize now that the lifetime just described has been valuable for your own personal Soul growth, and also as an example of darkness to the world, which acts as a mirror always to those who are not personally involved.

"There have been other times, even currently within our life spans now, when we have had dark, dark places, people, and events. In your being willing to be the dark one in that age, you taught others about the depth of darkness. Without knowing the depth of darkness, one cannot know the purity of the Light."

The Heat Of Eczema

Female Seeker: "What is causing the eczema that I have had since childhood?"

Evelyn: "There is a karmic connection from another life in the west, probably during the late 1800's, when you were a young girl just entering puberty. You are on the outside of a building on fire, separated from those within by a wall of flames. You and others are straining to reach those who are trapped in this fire. You have covered your face and body with a wet gunnysack and also wet your clothing.

"You are fighting to reach your mother. With terror in your heart, a feeling of loss beyond words, beyond sadness, screaming and crying you reach into the fire. You strain to snatch this person from certain death, and your desire to reach her is so great that it overcomes your instinct for survival. (It is rare that anyone will sacrifice self to reach another, knowing that probably both of you will die.) In attempting to reach your mother, your long dress ignites and the fire rages up your thighs in spite of the wetness, burning your legs, part of your neck, arms, and hands. Your mother together with all of your family die in the fire.

"Screaming from both physical and emotional pain, you are forcibly dragged away by others. The folks in this small town do the best they can for you by soaking you in a horse trough to cool your wounds, and the women administer a salve. You are badly burned, not to the extent that you die, but enough to be scarred and in great pain.

"Although not consciously aware, at a subconscious level the pain of these burns have long smoldered in your memory. The eczema you now deal with is a combination of emotions: anger at yourself; anger at your family that they would leave you; that this would even happen; that they would die and you would be left an orphan traumatized by emotional and physical anguish. Deep anger simmered within you that you did not die with them and that you could not save them. Guilt crept in and out of that lifetime because you had survived.

"Although guilt following tragedy of this type is common, it is irrational. The eczema, although physical, is carried as a result of your emotions from that life and has to do with a chemical imbalance in the glandular secretion that inhibits the cellular ability of your body to handle certain foods, certain chemicals, or any kind of stress, which can be very subtle.

"What you bring with you from that life is a misperception. The guilt and anger were not appropriate so now consciously forgive yourself. See the event as well as you can. If you feel the emotions, relive them and let go of any anger or guilt. There was so much at work to bring about that event, but you took it upon yourself to take all of the responsibility for it.

"It was a karmic group relationship that happened in that lifetime. Your mother in that life is your same mother now. Her dealing with the eczema is the other side of the wall of flame, her trying to get to you, and her fear of leaving you. She knew she was doomed, but in those split seconds before she died, she wanted very much to raise you completely. In a strange way, it was as though in knowing that the rest of her family was with her in the flames, she knew they were safe even though they were going to die. She knew you weren’t going to die, and there was the inner struggle within her to be a complete mother to you in every way possible before she passed over, which actually only took a few minutes.

"In that experience, for her there was fear for your well-being, guilt for her dying, and anger at the entire event. A similar kind of emotional experience involved her own terror. The two of you experienced similar emotions, which have bonded you. The relationship was not complete in that life so you have chosen to redo your lifetimes together, and for both of you the eczema is a reminder of the fire. It is as though there is a fire within you and without you. The best way in which to ameliorate the physical manifestation is to work on your emotions and subconscious because that is the source.

"Scientists and medical doctors speak of hereditary conditions and propensities to certain types of conditions and illnesses, but because they don’t look into other lifetimes or karmic connections, they don’t understand how these weaknesses are created. At some point medical science will begin to explore the spiritual aspect of what is now referred to as the genetic code as it is passes into the DNA molecules, which contributes to all of the cellular structure within the human body or within all life."

The Snake Pit

Female Seeker: "I have such a fear of snakes; actually a phobia bordering on psychosis rather than neurosis. I haven’t found a basis for this through the other avenues of psychiatry or therapy. Can you find anything?"

Evelyn: "Although not a member of the Roman Catholic Church, you were a nun living a cloistered life, and because of your spiritual tendencies, you often entered into states of ecstasy. You were generally out in the spiritual realms 90% of the time and not totally grounded in the physical world. People cared for you and dressed you because you didn’t care if you were clothed or not. Harmless, people didn’t fear you. Rather they considered you either crazy or a witch because you prophesied.

"Upon returning from your states of ecstasy, you reported what you had seen and experienced. Often you could foresee the future, speaking of it as being real as you trusted it. No one accepted your states of ecstasy; even the nunnery didn’t know what to do with you. By word of mouth people learned of you, thereby making you notorious in the local vicinity. You were unaware, and it would have been immaterial to you had you known.

"People would stand at the bottom of the three-story nunnery building to see if they could catch a glimpse of you for your room was at the top. If they did espy you, they threw rocks at you attempting to get your attention. Becoming a real nuisance for the other nuns, they moved you to a back room surrounded by walls where you would not be seen, but safe. Those who came to catch a glimpse of you were disappointed, for in their eyes you were entertainment, like a sideshow. The men especially were disappointed and angry as your removal extinguished their great source of entertainment.

"Light attracts darkness, and your ecstatic states attracted darkness, a type of violence and destruction. As people continued seeking a glimpse of you, they fantasized. In the pubs and inns the men vulgarly talked incessantly about your virginity, making coarse jokes and suggestions. The nunnery was totally ignorant of this gathering cloud of havoc. The obscene fantasies and gossip gained momentum until one night in a drunken rage, a mob of men stormed the nunnery and killed several nuns attempting to stop them. The attackers prowled the nunnery until they found your room and kidnapped you. You were stripped, gang raped, and physically beaten.

"When the assault first started on you personally, the shock mentally and emotionally unbalanced you to the extent that you permanently withdrew into the recesses of your mind. Your mental condition, which reflected outwardly as insanity, saved you from being murdered, but you were thrown out into the streets to fend as best you could. People treated you like an animal, spitting on you, and stoning you when you approached them. Finally, one night this same gang of men looking for some new excitement captured you again, threw you into a snake pit, and bet on how long it would take you to die……hence, the fear of snakes.

"In that life your states of ecstasy were like a high God-energy in existence, which also attracted the opposite energy to violently erupt in these men. This is evidenced by what happened at the time of the Christ. That particular life is a culmination of several lifetimes where you had been more out of body than in it, and you selected lessons to commence pulling you into your physical beingness.

"Know that your fear of snakes now is irrational. They are part of God’s creatures with a purpose for existence as you have purpose. They were only instruments used against you out of the dark pits of ignorance within those men."

Martyrs And Psychic Powers

Evelyn: "I am being shown the picture of an extremely large male dressed in bulky, dark gray and black clothing, leather wrist guards with sharp points, and leather straps over each shoulder, crossing in front and back connecting to a strap that goes around his hips. Buckles and clips hang from a hip strap to which are attached chains and ropes.

"He is guarding a group of terrified adults and children, all sitting lumped together on the ground in a dank, dark, musty smelling dungeon cell. On the other side of a door with barred windows is an execution area.

"These people are awaiting execution. I see huge barrels around the people from which they would be unable to escape. It is during the time of the Inquisition, and you (Evelyn’s mother) and I, a young man, (Evelyn) are both in this group of people who are about to be killed. In this lifetime you are a very wise woman, acting as a healer and deep spiritual guide, and also my mother. You aided many people in escaping during these traumatic times. You also helped them emotionally and spiritually when they had made a decision not to run from the situation, but to stand up for their beliefs. Through your gift of empathy you tuned into their hearts, thereby comforting and encouraging them to know themselves so truly and powerfully that they could withstand their own deaths without denying their truths within. In return, the community protected you as you were necessary for their mental and spiritual wellbeing. They hid you and moved you from place to place as necessary.

"As your son in that experience, I had not wanted to be a part of you who proclaimed such spirituality. I sought my own power and played both sides as my Ego took control. I attempted to get into the service of the inquisitors and become one seeking out and punishing. I needed to find a power base to bolster my diminished Ego. Although I loved you very much and didn’t want to see you harmed, I found myself being stuck in the middle, fighting my Ego on one side and my heart on the other.

"One night when drinking excessively and getting carried away with what I was saying I betrayed your location and you were captured. After your imprisonment, consumed with guilt and emotional pain for what I had done, I decided to declare my own belief in what I felt to be right, and choose a side. When I did this, I too was locked in with this group of people, and we all are about to be executed.

"I am terrified, and even in the midst of all of this terror, you are the only one who gives comfort and courage to all of us who are about to die. You continue to shield us psychically and protect us with your understanding that life is eternal, that Spirit is eternal. The ominous guard gets great delight and joy in exacerbating the fear within the shriveling mass before him.

"Although not in anger, you stand up to him a number of times. You use all of your wisdom and heart to give him some knowledge. It is not that you expect that he will change before your eyes, but you know the power of Love and right thinking, for in your belief you have made it work. You can give truthfully who you are at any time. There is still hope within you that at some point along the road, your demonstration will help others to find the truth within, including the guard. You, a fragile and small woman who is about to die, stand up to this threatening guard.

"In watching you, the rest of us realize in these few minutes what courage is all about. The courage that we learn is that you are willing to die, knowing the truth. You will not deny who you are for any reason, and salvation of your body is not important enough to deny the truth. You teach us this by your willingness to confront this person who is so locked in darkness.

"Finally we are collected together, taken out in groups, and burned at the stake. The barrels are to collect our ashes, which are then spread on the land as fertilizer."

Female Seeker: "Why do I fear when I walk into a room full of people?"

Evelyn: "This is based on that life having to do with meeting crowds. It is not so much your own fear, but it is that as a psychic and clairvoyant, a true healer, you were so open to others’ emotions. Your empathy and compassion absorbed the vibrations and intense emotions of others around you. In the end when you were all afire, you took upon yourself the great fear from all of those with you. You had the power to do that.

"You still have the memory of this great fear, for in opening yourself so completely to absorb the emotional trauma of the others, you were not centered in your own God-consciousness. You were still helping people at your own moment of death, and had not turned your own energies, Mind, and heart towards God, towards your own Spirit; your vibrational Mind was not closed properly. These cellular memories still are locked within your psyche."

In Ignorance There Is No Guilt

Male Seeker: "Why do I feel so closed off and blocked relative to spiritual matters?"

Evelyn: "It was at the time of Christ. No matter what we do, or how we live, or whether we are blocked or open, we fit into an overall tapestry, which is the ultimate creation. Each of us has a part that is important to play in bringing the entire tapestry to its fully woven state. If we are not willing to play it or be it, then there would be a hole in the overall cloth, and so we accept all of our lifetimes. In accepting each moment and each event in any life that we remember, we recognize the importance of what we do, even if it is judged dark, or evil, or worse as all of it is part of the entire fabric.

"You were instrumental in this other life in bringing to Earth the message of Christ as it has become so important. You simply accepted your role. Often there are great advanced souls who will come to play roles that require a deep understanding of the psychic damage that can potentially happen to them. It takes a great deal of courage to accept these lifetimes. At this particular time, you had such a role.

"You were politically aligned with those who denied access to any new consciousness coming in. As Jesus literally became a moving entity in the area, politically he was seen to be a troublemaker. You were a political adviser to the King, and a fairly young man with a growing following. Your Ego and intellect were well developed, and being extremely ambitious, you saw a great political future for yourself. You well understood how things were on the material plane. Judging life from the standpoint of your huge Ego, it was going well, the way you had planned it, and you liked that.

"But this Jesus character came along and began to upset things and agitate the politics of the area, even within your own circle. Some of your close acquaintances and fellow workers were beginning to listen to His words, which you ignored. Soon the conversations and discussions in your own inner circle concentrated on what Jesus was saying. Some of them around you had emotional breakdowns, not knowing what to do in their lives for they felt touched in their hearts. They knew that there was truth in His messages, but they didn’t want to lose their pleasant life styles. Times were difficult time for them.

"Some committed suicide; others turned to drink and whoring, any kind of escape. They sought to lose themselves in sensual escapades. You continued to remain hardcore in your beliefs and steered straight ahead. It upset you that now there were those around you who listened to Him. If they couldn’t deal with it, your world would disintegrate. People changed one way or another. You quickly aligned with those who advocated the elimination of Jesus. It wasn’t a difficult choice.

"The political group, of which you were a member, commenced the necessary actions to eradicate Him. None of you understood that this was part of the Plan. Jesus was the director, and the forces of the Universe and He were directing this play with this particular script, even though your political group thought it was in control with all of the power.

"Jesus returned to Jerusalem, rode the donkey, and events transpired during that Passover time somewhat like what we are told. You observed all of the events from the distance and followed it closely through the royal court sources. The political and religious powers in the area finally decided to buy His life, have Him betrayed, and execute Him as a traitor for having maligned the Roman conquerors, who were a constant threat to the Jews. Because you believed that He was a real threat to your country, you felt at peace about the decision. Jesus was arrested and the crucifixion was set for the next day.

"At home, upon going to bed you were besieged with nightmares, sleeping little due to restlessness, and during the middle of the night angelic beings actually visited you. At the time you thought you were dreaming, but you were not. They spoke to you of your own Soul, of awakening, and coming to recognize what you were doing.

"This happened throughout the kingdom that night as it was an element of the Plan that none were to be left out of raising the consciousness. In order for consciousness to be raised, there must be an awareness of what is happening. It cannot happen if all maintain a status quo within their own awareness, so all others and you were visited.

"These nocturnal visits terrified you, as it terrified many others, and increased the fear. For the most part, those in power were only outraged and became more determined to destroy this witch, this person with some kind of out-of-body power. In addition to increasing the terror within you, it also touched you so deeply that you wondered if you had made a mistake, eventually concluding that you had. You strongly heard that voice inside of you, but events had advanced too far to stop. You didn’t know what to do nor did there seem to be anything you could do.

"The trial and crucifixion transpired much as the story goes except for some details. During the crucifixion, public opinion as to this man split with the majority of people supporting the death of Jesus. His disciples were so terrified for their own lives that they hid, slept, and denied Jesus. Most of His followers openly denied Him, wanting Him dead, not because of the frightening events occurring on the material plane, but what was happening on the emotional, psychic, and spiritual planes within every individual. In that area of the world, the entire drama forced them to look within and totally change their entire belief systems. Chaos reigned.

"Psychic turbulence erupted everywhere. On the physical plane, great storms, darkness, and earthquakes manifested during the crucifixion, and simultaneously great disturbances in the energy, consciousness, and emotional fields twisted and changed within anyone who knew about it. People ran away and some killed themselves. Others never came out of the experience whole in any way for they had been touched and moved.

"Because of your political position, you witnessed the crucifixion and within, you were literally torn apart. You felt that you were falling and falling in great darkness. You struggled to release the fears and screams within and you didn’t know why. That day and night you suffered the horrors of a living nightmare. You spent many weeks after the crucifixion recovering, which is much like an altered state of consciousness. (Relaxing and raising vibratory levels do not always bring about altered states of consciousness. They can also be the result of lowering energies or extreme disturbances on psychic levels.)

"Tumbling through a psychic storm within yourself, there was no foundation, no support, nothing to help you or anyone else. After a few weeks when you felt more whole, you could not recover your old self. It seemed that a part of you had died.

"In a way, that entire area literally entered into a mass level of insanity. Once the initial shock was over, people began rebuilding their lives and looking at themselves differently.

"We are to remember that Jesus did pray as He was being crucified. He did ask for the Infinite Spirit, which He called Father, to, ‘Forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ In those words is the key, for truly what Christ indicated for all who were incarnated in bodies during that time is that they could not have known. So there is no need to feel guilt. Jesus offered complete freedom and release from any feelings of guilt in that prayer, because He knew that you could not have known of this effort to raise the consciousness of humanity. By example, that is what He came to reveal to you.

"At this time truly hear the prayer that Jesus prayed for everyone. ‘Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.’ In ignorance it was done and in ignorance there is no guilt."

Inhibition

Male Seeker: "Why do I feel inhibited relative to sexual relations, and has it anything to do with another lifetime? From where does this feeling come? And what can I do?"

Evelyn: "This is basically centered on a fear that if you involve yourself sexually, you will lose your will to self-realization. It is not that you will lose self-realization, or God-experience, or God-realization, but that you will lose your will.

"It is time to now spiritualize your worldly events and your worldly involvement, which includes your sexual experiences and your body experiences. Understand that you can use your will, your desire for God-realization, for self-realization, but it is not to be seen as the ultimate experience. You must understand that the process of getting there will involve coming to terms with sexuality and sensuality at all levels and spiritualizing them.

"That does not mean that you will not have sensual experiences, or bodily experiences, or sexual experiences. It doesn’t mean that you will have them. It is matter of being free of the fear of loss regarding your will, because that is keeping you from first-hand knowledge, which is necessary. Only through exposure of these areas will you have an opportunity to spiritualize them.

"There is another life influencing your present fear of sexuality. At the time I see you, you are a fairly old man with salt and pepper gray hair, sad eyes filled with defeat, wearing simple, almost black clothing, and a little hat is perched on the crown of your head. You wear the clothing of a holy man, such as a rabbi or someone of the Jewish religion. In solitude you are on your knees in prayer with your hands clasped to your breast, but your eyes are open. There is little furniture, bare tile flooring, a few candles around, and it is cold. Extremely sad, you are looking upward, and you are heartbroken.

"You are not wallowing in guilt because guilt comes when people are not willing to accept responsibility for what they have brought to pass in their lives. In this instance you understand how your interactions, decisions, and misperceptions have created your world. You understand your errors, are depressed, and desire to end your life.

"In this life you have been a holy man, and had the confidence of many people who came to you for counseling and advice on spiritual matters. You loved this aspect of your life, for it is something you wanted to do. However, in this experience you did not spiritualize or balance your sensual and sexual natures as a part of being human. In those times the culture expected you, as a holy man, to be celibate and beyond any such carnal appetite, as they defined these impulses. This was the role your parishioners expected you to play. You did not challenge that and allowed everyone to believe it.

"You projected that image, but you lived a lie in that you did have women lovers and several illegitimate children. In time you became deeply involved with a young woman from a well known family who were not parishioners nor people who came to you for spiritual matters. You always were careful to keep that separate and apart from your position as a holy man, and sought outside of your flock for your love life.

"In time she became pregnant, and in extreme anger attempted to blackmail you, even though she had willingly participated in this affair. She wanted wealth, thought you had it, and believed that you could get it from your parishioners. You refused to do that, although you could have raised the money for a religious cause that could have gone to her, but you said no; you would not do that to your service and ministry. She threatened to expose you, stirring up great turmoil.

"Finally you went to your superiors and confessed what was happening. Because of your position in the community, the church took the matter out of your hands into their own and said they would take care of it. You never saw her again. She disappeared and you didn’t know if she was alive or dead or what had happened.

"Actually she was kidnapped, removed far away, locked into a cloistered situation for women, and punished. The child was taken at birth and killed, which drove her insane. You didn’t know it, although you did seek to determine what happened, but they wouldn’t tell you. The not knowing ripped you apart, because you feared the worse. You didn’t know if you had a child or whether she was alive and well.

"Among the other women who had your children, some of the women put them up for adoption, and some children were kept by their mothers. Five children were born of mothers of ill repute so there was no cultural issue, but this other woman came from a different standard of life. As it ripped you apart, you began realizing the horrible contradiction in your life.

"At this point in your life as an older man, you are praying to God to take you; to take this pain you are feeling and this hell that you are living in. You swore at that time that if you were forgiven (you were trying to make a deal with God), if you were taken from your pain, you would never again do such a horrible thing. You would honor your vows and remain celibate, so with this on your mind and heart, you did this bargaining for the rest of your life.

"After the woman disappeared, you began developing will. You saw no more women, although you suffered painfully from your sexual cravings for you had known great pleasure. You also had known how to lie. Now you had to face yourself and developing your will was not easy. This was the hell--your great physical desires from which you wanted release. At the same time, as a spiritual, loving being you were terrified of what you had done to this woman as your ultimate desire in life was to serve God. A war raged within you caused by the dichotomy of your sensual and spiritual selves.

"When you came into this present life, you chose to deal again with the issue of will, but it is different. The lesson now is to test your will. You have it and realize that it is very strong."

Arthritic Back

Ralph asked, "Is my bad back related to some karmic experience?"

Evelyn replied, "Basically it comes from a lifetime when you were a big, burly man, not conscious of other people and their emotions. Your profession as a torturer for the military consisted of extracting information from prisoners. Spiritually what happened in that life is that you went beyond your duties; you learned to like what you did. You experienced a vicarious thrill from torturing people.

"You had two favorite, persuasive methods to use when you knew the person would not speak. When a prisoner was so committed that he would not speak, then you knew you had free rein to torture him to death. Even if he did then talk, he still was killed. This practice covered both male and female prisoners.

"One method of torture was similar to the rack. It was a mechanism that looked like a barrel to which a person was bound so that his body was wrapped around the barrel. Then the guards rolled the barrel so that the weight pressed down on the prisoner’s body and sometimes the guards would sit on the barrel to increase the pressure. The other method was quartering whereby a person was tied hand and foot to horses and then pulled apart.

"In that lifetime you inflicted a great deal of physical pain on people. Even though you did it in the employment of your government, had you performed the work without feeling any pleasure, you would have had another type of karmic experience. Many people are not conscious enough to know that they can remove themselves from such a situation, but they don‘t like what they do. They hate it, but you liked it so much that as an older man and could no longer do the torturing yourself, you directed others. After retiring, you sat around reminiscing, and telling horror stories of your experiences.

"As you aged, you became a good old boy, loud, drunken, and not conscious. Your body’s painful aging began to imprint on your consciousness that pain is not a pleasure. Dealing with your own pain brought to light for the first time that pain is not pleasant.

"In this present life you decided that you would create pain for yourself so that you would never forget. Healing will come when you let go of the guilt around that life. As you entered various lifetimes, in the in-between times you had little awareness, but when you had evolved enough that you could understand your errors in that life, you became filled with guilt. In your first reaction, you selected a short and painful one in which you were tortured to death because you sought to learn what it was like.

"You still carry around this guilt within your subconscious. It would be valuable to revisit that lifetime, as often as it takes, to again feel the guilt and to again suffer the emotional anguish that makes you wish you hadn’t been such an insensitive person. Get in touch with your suffering and understand it now for what it is, for you are no longer that individual."

Break A Promise?

"Can you imagine anyone being so hard on herself that she actually gets nauseated when she can’t keep her word? That’s what happens to me. I just feel horrible. I lose my breath and actually become ill." Lilly, sitting slumped over, held her head between her hands. Evelyn, the clairvoyant to whom she was explaining her phobia, was a last resort. None of her therapists or psychologists had been able to explain it to her, and now the nagging to know the basis for the neurosis was as acute as the phobia itself. In coming to Evelyn, she felt she had nothing to lose and perhaps something to gain.

Evelyn said, "Scenes of another life are unfolding like a movie playing itself out. It is at the time of one of the children’s crusades, and you are a small child being kept on some type of leash attached to a collar around your neck. You are in some type of horrible place where children are kept as I see other children.

"This leash is a way of controlling you and making you behave as the nuns desire. You are allowed off of this tether once you agree with them and promise to do as they say. You are then tested and if you break your word, you are attached to it again. As a child controlled in this life, you had to watch everything you did to have some freedom. It was an experience of actually being physically imprisoned.

"Now I see you in an underground room or dungeon composed of heavy stone walls with windows at the top. Little side-by-side rustic cots line the walls of this huge room, which is divided through the middle by a trench. Big metal rings are imbedded in the walls to which are attached long, rope tethers with collars fastened at the ends. Children seated on these cots or standing are confined by tethers to the small areas surrounding their cots.

"I am coming up the steps now into a large courtyard, and the bright sunlight hurts my eyes. There are many older women wearing peculiar head coverings and uniform brown dresses and aprons. A multitude of children are gathered in the courtyard around a large well.

"All of the children there are extremely disciplined, but it isn’t self-discipline. It is forced on them as part of their training before they are sent out to march and fight. Most of the children would run away if they weren’t imprisoned in this nunnery. The children are well fed and cared for physically, so their bodies do not suffer while their minds are being conditioned.

"The major way to do this is to severely punish anyone caught telling a falsehood or breaking his or her word. Sometimes a severe whipping suffices. More stubborn ones are lowered on a rope into this well so that the body is half in the water, half out, and left suffering there over night. You actually experienced that also, but for the most part the children are maintained on these collars as part of the training.

"Children generally did not join the Crusades voluntarily. They were forced to enter them. The effects of such a lifetime as this can be subliminal, demonstrating itself as repressed anger, later as anger in a form of resistance. Often when children have been physically imprisoned on the level that you were in that life, not just on an inner level, but also on a physical level they carry within them a deep seated anger about the entire event to the point of being filled with rage. In some cases this can cause a constriction in the throat, because of a need to speak spontaneously, thereby asserting a sense of freedom.

"In your instance, you can become irrational about not keeping your word because of this exposed life. Keeping your word is good when it is the result of self-discipline, when there is an understanding of cause and effect. That is when honoring one’s word has its value."

Unconscious

Naomi said, "I have been diagnosed as having Narcolepsy. I seem to go to sleep all of the time. If not asleep, then unconscious like I am asleep. I can still function, even to the extent of performing my job of delivering the mail, but I am not awake to what I am doing. How can I drive safely and yet feel like I am not there?"

Evelyn: "You are an old soul, and in your collection of incarnations in human form, you have learned much regarding the psychic worlds and openings to other dimensions. In your subconscious memories you have retained a cognizance of connecting at other levels of consciousness and other dimensions of existence. In some of those lifetimes you have deliberately developed this ability and used it in service to others.

"You still have this capability at a subconscious level, and when your surroundings seem boring to you, whether physically, psychically, or spiritually, you simply choose to travel in other dimensions, and actually move in a different time and space than where your body is. It would be the same as a deep meditation. In other lifetime experiences, you have utilized this particular method many times, but as you now use it, it is simply an escape mechanism.

"You know how to easily surrender yourself to other dimensions. Recognize that, for the most part, individuals in bodies on your planet do not choose on an Ego level to ever surrender themselves to remove their consciousness to other planes of existence. The Ego is simply too frightened of its own death, and therefore does not release the other aspects of self to investigate new dimensions of experience.

"You are able to function safely on the physical level, because you are a multidimensional being with seven layers of beingness, so when having this experience, not all of you enters into the new dimension. It is your Higher Self, or observer-self, who makes the journey to other vibrations, and the aspect that keeps you functioning is simply an autonomous reaction. It is an aspect of Ego that maintains your ability to continue living, breathing, and doing the necessary functions of body to care for yourself so that you do not kill your body. You have no intention of self-destruction. It is only that in these other dimensions you find peace, love, knowledge, and fulfillment.

"You have several past lives that have fed into this ability. Some were lives where you needed to escape; some lives revealed a learning disability, but there was one life in particular that culminates in your ability to do this."

"There is a time centered in the Himalayas. In the distance large, snow capped mountains stand tall and beautiful against the azure blue sky, sheep with tinkling bells tied around their necks are bleating in the background, and I hear voices. I see a small adobe, shell-like structure with one tiny opening in the back, not more than six inches square, which lets in a bit of light. Inside is an emaciated old man sitting on a mat meditating, clad only in a loincloth. Beside him are a jar of water and some plates with a little food. Near him is a collection of straw on which he sleeps.

"You are this old man and a member of an order of monks from a lamasery in Tibet where you trained for years and years. You and all others who took like training each built yourself a little adobe enclosure. Your food and water are provided daily for you by the villagers, but you had taken vows of silence, chastity, and poverty. You also had relinquished any intellectual ability, and although well educated and schooled in reading and writing, you vowed you would never use those again.

"Your whole intention and function for the rest of that life is to sit in meditation and seek information on any level, whether spiritual, mental, or physical that would be valuable to the people around you. To do this requires meditating sixteen hours a day. The rest of the time you bathe, eat, and sleep. You go outside at sunrise and sunset for special prayers, worship, and outer meditation. In this life under these conditions, your meditations are at the deepest level and you learn to habitually deeply sink in and out of consciousness.

"Towards the end of this life experience, you do not have to process an established routine in order to dissolve into this depth of inner consciousness.  You simply sit down in meditation, let the outer world fade away, and enter these faster vibrations of no time, no space.  You learn to travel out of your body, even to disintegrate and reintegrate molecularly. You learn to manifest on the physical plane from a Thought form. You learn great powers of psychic development, which you never demonstrate to others. You spend most of this lifetime in great solitude, in total renunciation of the world. You learn to go within yourself, also out of yourself, and to visit other worlds, planets, time zones, and other vibrations of reality. That is why your Ego has merged so much with your Higher Self. Toward the end of this life, you become disconnected from the physical world most of each day as you are out of your body.

"You live a unique life of high service. Much of the world is better because of what comes through you. Weekly sect members visit you to glean that which you know and the knowledge that you acquired. It was much the same type of thing that happens in channeling, except you were not connected to pools of individual source material.

"In choosing that type of life, you chose to set aside much of the physical activity you would ordinarily experience. In this life, you now seek to control when to do this type of thing, where, why, and how to do it and yet, still retain a physical connection."

Samurai and Caveman Dichotomy

Evelyn: "Your lifetime as a Samurai warrior has been significant in every life since that experience. You learned to control energy by moving it through you, not only on the physical plane, but also on your emotional and mental planes.

"You were a great Samurai warrior, surviving many battles and training in order to retire from warring. Many such warriors died during training as they had to develop great will, inner power, and courage. In that lifetime you learned how to remain open to life’s experiences without prejudging the coming action or outcome prior to the event. You were so well trained that you were in a constant state of readiness for anything that might come your way. That combination is what keeps fear from the heart. When fear enters the heart, love stops.  

"As a Samurai warrior, a great part of the tradition and training is that they come to know Love as an expression of power. It is not love in the sense of romantic love or anything that has a weakness about it. They come to know how to move eternal energy, cosmic energy, something greater than themselves. They are able to collect, recognize, and honor it. Honor is major as it is a combined mental and emotional state.

"As a Samurai, you dealt with developing your will, not recognizing a divinity because your Ego was so involved in the development of that level of will power. Honor comes from the same higher aspect of the being as does the semantic understanding of Divine will, or Divine courage, or anything that may be proclaimed to be God.

"You took great pleasure in killing and you killed hundreds during your life. However, they engaged willingly with you. It was a very concentrated battle because the Samurai only fought with great honor. He would not seek to slay anyone who was not his equal, because to him that was not a true battle. Although you were wounded a number of times, you lived to be old as you never knew how to do anything else.

"The lifetime was in China in early times long before Christ walked the earth.

"You wonder why you selected a life like that? Recognize that as your perception moves more toward the Divine, you will see that no lifetime is better or worse than another. To become a Samurai warrior of such status and power meant that you had developed the utmost, personal control of your Ego-brain and emotions. There is no greater work toward the development of again reuniting with your Higher Self and with God than to begin working on controlling your brain, Ego, and emotions.

"The Samarai life came to balance an earlier lifetime when you were a man, almost a caveman type in an extremely primitive environment. In that life you were a complete coward and because of your personal fear of dying, you precipitated a catastrophe that caused many people of your tribe to die as you would not take action. It was not that you would not defend them. You would not even warn them of an impending danger. You were their leader, but you left them unprotected for slaughter.

"You died understanding your cowardice, and you damned yourself on your deathbed, wishing that you could live this life over again for you saw your error. You suffered deep feelings of guilt and genuine remorse for your cowardice. 

"The work you did on the astral plane thereafter made it clear to you that you wanted to understand courage that was not based on defending, but courage that came from a willingness to receive energy from a source higher than yourself. You realized this, even though your heart chakra was not open nor were you aware of the Christ consciousness. That was the level of human consciousness on the planet at the time.

"When the most propitious time came for you to do so, you moved into a lifetime to balance the other and learn of honor and courage. What you also learned was that in both lives you were responsible for the death of others, so the dying of others is not what should hold your attention.

"What you should be concerned about is that you understand your involvement with others and that your choices are made through the use of your will and intellect in this life of the advent of the Christ heart, the compassionate heart. This is an evolution of human courage, human will, and human love."

These are simple examples of the type of convoluted plots we may script to expand our human awareness towards our higher consciousness. Like seasoned actors, the broader scope of our emotional experiences and our greater comprehension of the gifts of love, or the lack thereof, are played out in our natural ability to demonstrate Unconditional Love.