Your three-year-old used his breakfast oatmeal to build castles, fed his lunchtime tuna to the cat, and blew bubbles in his milk at dinner. Should you plead with him to eat? Bribe him? Or frantically call your pediatrician?

Answer: no, no, and probably not.

Experienced Moms and experts agree on this one: a toddler may reign as the Picky Prince or Princess of the household at mealtime. That is, if you let him. "It's a control issue," said my resident expert, a clinical psychologist -- and my mom. "I remember when you were a toddler. Even though I'd studied all the child development research and knew what to expect, I was worried about your health. Sometimes it seemed like regardless of what I prepared for you to eat, you stuck up your nose!"

After checking with the pediatrician to make sure that I was healthy (albeit stubborn), my mother reverted to her psychology training. "If your toddler is healthy physically," she recommends, "you can focus on making sure that he or she grows up emotionally healthy about food as well." To do so, avoid games such as bargaining ("If you eat just half of your banana, I'll take you to McDonald's for dinner") and bribing, especially with threats ("Finish your lunch, or we won't go to the toy store this afternoon). And don't allow your toddler's refusal to eat or pickiness become the center of the dinner table conversation." Make nutritional food available, and allow your child to learn to experience hunger and respond to it.

Which brings us to the next subject: what type of nutrition does a toddler need? Thanks to Uncle Sam (who probably had some advice from HIS mother!), there's an easy-to-follow -- and free! -- guide that answers that question. In March 1999, the USDA unveiled its new Food Guide Pyramid for Young Children. Adapted from the original food guide pyramid that has been much praised by dietitians, nutritionists, and other health professionals, the "children's pyramid" was designed for youngsters ages two through six. It's based on the USDA's analysis of the diets of children ages two through six. The Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion, which is part of USDA's Food, Nutrition, and Consumer Services, focused on toddlers' and preschoolers' actual food consumption and patterns. The development of the Food Guide Pyramid for Young Children and supporting educational material was a direct result of this research. Key word: offer a variety, and rule out labels such as "good foods" versus "bad foods." Included are grains, vegetables, fruits, meat, and dairy products.

Above all, both professionals and experienced Moms agree: food fads and fusses are common during the toddler stage. "Nutrition and eating concerns are never more prevalent than during the toddler phase," contend writers Elisabeth A. Reilly and Nancy A. Held in The Yale Guide to Children's Nutrition (William V. Tamborlane, M.D., editor-in-chief; Yale University Press, 1997). In their chapter (which is fittingly titled "Toddlers and Preschoolers' Emerging Independence"), they recommend:

- providing healthy, small snacks throughout the day, at intervals consistently timed between regular meals
- using age-appropriate chairs, with booster seats if needed, and table settings (for example, a small cup with a dinosaur design and a lid may become an eating ritual that your child cherishes)
- offering small, specific choices (for example, if you want to provide options to your child, ask if he or she wants "a peach or a banana")
- allowing your child to ask for more by starting with less, and, even if he or she does not finish that small portion, not demanding that all food be finished
- avoiding the use of dessert for bribes
- praising good behavior at the table
- offering warm, rather than very hot or cold foods
- staying calm about food fads ("There is no harm in indulging a food fad as long as the desired food is healthy and contributes to a balanced diet," the authors note.)

Moms who have survived those toddler years have similar tips -- plus some additional suggestions:

- Have your toddler help you fix meals and snacks. Involving Johnny will make him more interested in the food.
- Keep it very simple, and small. Half of a cut-up cup of strawberries may seem like the ideal snack to Sally; if you offer her, in contrast, the strawberries on top of a bed of Jell-O, with a topping of yogurt topped with cherries, she may feel overwhelmed.
- Encourage Timmy to use his senses while preparing and eating food. Smell it. Touch it. Taste it. Name the colors of different fruits, for example, and even describe their sound as you prepare them ("'Crunch!' says the carrot when I cut it up," you can tell Tina).
- Some toddlers respond to food prepared in the same way you might fix appetizers for a party: toast cut into triangles, cheese cut into cubes, for example.

For more information, visit the American Medical Association's excellent website about your child's nutrition.