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I confess: I suffer from Martha Stewart Envy Syndrome. Symptoms include stressing over my hostess skills at the sight of Martha Stewart's beaming face on yet another magazine cover, grieving over my cooking abilities (or lack thereof) when I notice Martha Stewart's show listed in the TV Guide, and agonizing over my lack of training in Creating the Perfect Home when I hear Martha Stewart's name mentioned.

So imagine my delight when I visited Kmart in search of a bathroom rug and espied a veritable rainbow collection of Martha Stewart Bathroom Rugs. I chose a properly perky pumpkin-hued rug. (Martha Stewart Envy Syndrome Sufferers never refer to colors by such ordinary names as pink and purple. One says coral or rose, violet or lavender.)

But the rug seemed a tad too tiny for my bathroom. Suppose I needed to get a refund? Just in case, I took a few precautions (trust me, I learned these the hard way -- by being refused a refund for a major ticket item: a VCR).

First: Before I purchased the rug, I carefully checked it to make sure there were no rips and that the packaging was intact. (I'm sure Martha Stewart is perfect, but I doubt that even the impeccably organized Martha can manage to handcraft and package each K-mart bathroom rug.)

Second: I asked the cashier about the store's policy on refunds ("If you return it with the receipt, no problem," she said cheerfully). I made a mental note of her name.

Third: I kept my receipt and all the packaging in a safe place as I placed my perky pumpkin purchase in the planned space. Oops! Too small (of course, that was the fault of the architect, not Martha).

I returned within the next few days to K-mart's customer service desk. With packaging, receipt, and product intact, I requested a refund.

"What's the reason?" the cashier asked.

"It's too small," I replied.

"Well, go pick out a bigger one and bring it here," she said.

"No, thank you, I prefer to get a refund on this one now," I said firmly but politely.

"Well, I'm not sure about our policy," the cashier said dubiously.

I recited the return policy that the previous cashier had given me, referring to her by name.

The cashier hesitated, asked her manager, and was told to give me the refund.

Voila! The Martha Stewart rug was back on the shelf -- and I was free to search elsewhere for another Martha Stewart unoriginal floor cover.

And there you have it -- my tried-and-true formula for obtaining a refund:

1. Check the product before you purchase it. If you are purchasing an item over the Internet, do some real-world research as to any specifications on the exact dimensions, composition, pattern, etc., of the product.

2. Ask about the return policy. If it's an online purchase, you should be able to locate it on the website. If you can't, ask.

3. Keep your receipt.

4. Return the product in good condition, complete with the original packaging and any instructional manuals.

5. If you encounter obstacles, politely yet firmly request to speak to a manager.

Know your consumer rights! I feel confident that Martha would agree.