| Actual Signs |
| In the window of an Atlanta clothing store: Sid's Pants is Open On the Wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job In a New York jewelry store: Genuine Faux Pearls In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only Billboard on a Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Even of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge On a Lockhart, TX, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas At the basketball court in a Galveston, NC YMCA: Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended On a Rapid City store: Give that Bride a good case of worms or other fine bait On the door of an Ellsworth, ME restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken On a Jacksonville, FL bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books On a construction office in England: We Specialize in Quick Erections On a library in Marlboro, NH honoring Robert Frost: Frost Free Library Sign in a London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE: $1 per Pre-Packed bag, .25 cents Do-It-Yourself In a laundry, on each washing machine: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out In a London office: After Tea Break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE BY THIS DOOR. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use the side door.) Outside a photographer's studio: Out to Lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner also. Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. EVERYONE WELCOME. In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than thirty days will be disposed of. In a health food shop: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS In a safari park: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a daycare on the first floor. In a farmer's field: The farmer allows people to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges. On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (Please knock hard on door - the bell doesn't work.) In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. |
| the above was emailed to me by E.D. |