| Interesting Away Messages |
| Hi, I'm not here right now, I've gone out to buy some more ammo. Please leave a message. You have reached an imaginary screen name. Please rotate your keyboard 2.71/pi radians and try again. I'm eating porridge with some bears. I will be back soon. Sorry. I'm away again. Here are my answers to yesterday's messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get it tomorrow. Creamed asparagus. Thank you. I am completing a necessary task at this time; I could be doing laundry, washing dishes, or disarming stolen warheads in third world nations. I'll be back when any/all of these are complete or your house is just another mass of rubble in an accidental nuclear holocaust. I'll be back soon. Unless of course I get eaten by a rabid sasquatch. I'm dancing with a pink flamingo at the moment..... I'm taking advantage of indoor plumbing at the moment so just leave me a message and I will come back all refreshed. shaving my iguanas in the bathtub again. Hi, sorry I'm not here right now to take your message. If you'd like to leave a message, plase press 2, then 4, then 345, the type "Hello I'm a house plant" in American Sign Language, bark like a dog, spin in a circle, and say "please with cherries on top," then waaaiiit for the beep. Hello. This is the police department. We understand that you have been illegally smuggling drugs into the country. If I were you I would run. I will be back after I am done feeding my llamas. I am visiting my grandmother who lives on Mars. Please leave a message. I am making myself clean. I am bathing. I am showering. I am hygiene. I am applying soap to every inch of my body, in an effort to stay clean and scented, not dirty and odored. Well, I'll be back. If you are <insert name>, <insert name>, or <insert name>, please remember that you owe me one million dollars. It is due to me by tomorrow, or I will personally jump through the monitor and haul your ass to the Betty Ford Clinic where I currently work as the bartender. Any questions? Good. Come, Mr. Bigglesworth. Hi, I'm not here right now, but if you continue to read this message, the computer you are currently using will be blown up in approximately 5.8 milliseconds. Boom. Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating. One day, I shall be a sweet, succulent escargot of quiescence... until then, I practice. |
| the above was emailed to me by E.D. |