untitled Adult Megacrossover Fanfic

DISCLAIMERS:
1.) Final Fantasy 7 and all related characters are owned by SquareSoft Ltd.
2.) Ranma 1/2 and all related characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi
3.) Final Fantasy 8 and all related characters are owned by SquareSoft Ltd.
4.) Quantum Leap and all related characters are currently owned by the Sci-Fi Channel and USA Networks.
5.) Sliders and all related characters are currently owned by the Sci-Fi Channel and USA Networks.
6.) Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and all related characters are currently owned by Satan... I mean "Paramount"
7.) Dr. Who and all related characters are owned by BBC-TV (though the doctor in this fic is the one from the FOX TV movie.)
8.) Gundam Wing and all related characters are owned by Mixx Manga Inc.
9.) Max Headroom and all related characters are owned by the Sci-Fi Channel.
10.) Lexx and all related characters are owned by Salter Street Productions Inc.
11.) The X-Files and all related-characters are owned by 1013 Productions. (actually, this is a cover-up. They're actually owned by Area 51 and are... oh, sorry, this nice man standing over my shoulder with that very pretty anti-personnel device says I can't tell you this.)
12.) The following characters appear without permission from Full Moon Entertainment:

From "Doctor Mordrid":
    Dr. Anton Mordrid
    Special Agent Samantha Hunt

From the Puppet Master series:
    Andre Toulon
    Blade
    Tunneller
    Six Shooter
    Rick Myers

From "Dark Angel: The Ascent":
    Dr. Max Barris
    Veronica Iscariot
    Detective Donald Harper
    Detective Max Greenberg

13.) Tomax and Xamot appear without permission from Marvel Comics' "G.I. Joe "A Real American Hero"
14.) Detective Fanducci appears without permission from whatever movie studio produced the film "Runestone".
15.) Mark Starkiller, Lord Uranus, Gonad the Barbarian, and Princess Orgasma appear without permission from Excalibur Pictures

-----part 1-----

"What the fuck?!" Detective Fanducci slammed on the brakes, the door handles of his cruiser scraping along the walls of the corridor he was suddenly driving down. The car struck something and came to a sudden stop, throwing him forward. "FUCK!" he exclaimed, using his favorite word. He said it a few more times for the sheer hell of it, and because he was very pissed off. He looked up to see what he'd hit. It had to have been something quite large for it to stop him at the speed he'd been going.

To Fanducci's amazement, he saw a boy about sixteen years of age. The boy was entirely unharmed and looking sadly at the remains of his large red, bamboo umbrella. Surely he couldn't have hit...

At that point, two people dressed in what appeared to be military uniforms ran into the corridor. One had dark skin with a series of ridges upon his head. The other was a woman with long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. 

"Hang on." the woman signaled to Fanducci. "We'll get you out of there. Transporter Room," she began. "This is..."

A shattering of glass was heard and she looked up to see Fanducci climbing through what was left of the windshield. "Where the fuck am I?" he jumped down from the hood of the cruiser and approached the woman and her companion. "Detective Fanducci." he said, offering his hand. "And you are?"

"Jadzia Dax." the woman told him. "We could've freed you without damaging your machine." 

"Now you tell me." Fanducci shook his head. "Who's the guy with the head. He's not another werewofl is he? I'm really fuckin' sick of werewolves."

"I am a Klingon." Worf informed him. He turned to the teenager. "And you. What are you?"

"Transporter Room, standing by." 

"Ryoga Hibiki." Ryoga replied. "Also known as the Eternally Lost Boy."

"Transporter Room, this is Dax, I need a large vehicle, a late 1970's police car, transported from my location to Cargo Bay 7."

"How did you arrive here on DS9?" Worf demanded of both Ryoga and Fanducci. 

"DS9?" Fanducci asked. 'What is that, a boat of some kind?"

'It's a space station." Worf informed the hardboiled detective who watched the disappearance of his vehicle with a shrug.

"You mean I'm not even on Earth?!" Ryoga exclaimed. 

"I'm afraid not." Dax replied. "So, how did you get here?"

"All I know is that there was a flash of light and suddenly I'm driving down some corridor in the fuckin' Twilight Zone." Fanducci complained.

"I just walked here." Ryoga shrugged. "Don't worry. I'm used to it. Happens all the time."

Worf scowled. Was Q playing games with this boy? Or was the boy perhaps some kind of weird human/Q hybrid who was unaware of the power he held or how to use it.

"Why don't we all go to Quark's and talk this over?" Dax suggested. 

"If that's a bar, it's fine with me." Fanducci looked over at Ryoga. "But isn't he a little young."

"The drinks are non-alcoholic." Dax explained. "We have a substance that can be intoxicating like alcohol, but it can be easily shrugged off."

"Yeah. We have something like that, too." Fanducci told her. "It's called Zima."

-----part 2-----

"Hey! Over here!" A voice called out to Ryoga.

Ryoga didn't recognize the voice, so he assumed they were speaking to someone else.

"Hey!" the other boy called again. "Come on over and sit with me."

Ryoga turned and pointed to himself.

"Yeah. Come on over."

Ryoga joined the other boy who was seated in a booth in the corner of the bar. 

"Quinn Mallory." the boy extended a hand.

Ryoga shook it and sat across from him. "Ryoga Hibiki." he said. "So, how'd you end up in this place?"

"I slid here." Quinn replied, enjoying the look of confusion on the face of the other boy. "I invented a device that allows me to travel from one dimension to another. Trouble is, that wasn't what I was trying to make, and during my initial test of the machine, things went a little haywire, so now I can never be entirely sure where I'm about to end up."

"In other words, you're lost." Ryoga smiled.

"That's about right." Quinn admitted.

"Welcome to the club." Ryoga grinned. "I walked here. I was just walking down the street in Nerima, minding my own business, when suddenly, *BAM!* I'm here."

"You don't seem too upset." Quinn noted. "I mean suddenly being millions of miles from Earth and all."

"Used to it." Ryoga shrugged. He looked up to get a waiter's attention, and saw a young man standing over by a mirror that was set in the wall.

At least he seemed to be standing by a mirror. This illusion was shattered, however, when his reflection leaned over and whispered something in his ear.

"Twins." Ryoga remarked.

"Oh, them." Quinn smiled. "I met them before. Psychic."

"You mean they finish each other's sentences." Ryoga shrugged. "That's hardly psychic. They just know each other real well."

"No, I mean, if you hurt one of them, the other one feels it, no matter where he is." Quinn replied. "I've been here for the better part of a week and I've observed it firsthand."

"Hey! Quinny-baby!" a voice called from the doorway.

Quinn waved as a chestnut-haired boy with a sensuously long braid and the sweetest smile Ryoga had ever seen entered the room in the most carefree manner Ryoga could remember seeing in his life. 

"Where's Heero?" Quinn asked.

"He'll be here shortly." the braided boy replied. "who's your date?"

"He's a new friend, not a date." Quinn corrected the other boy. "Ryoga Hibiki, Duo Maxwell. Duo Maxwell, Ryoga Hibiki."

"A pleasure to meet you, Ryoga." Duo shook Ryoga's hand vigorously, then turned a knowing glance to Quinn. "You *sure* he's not a date?" he asked.

"Excuse me."

The trio looked up, but no one was there. A moment later, there was a flash of light and a dark-haired man appeared by the table.

"I just thought you might be interested in ..."

"Not right now, Q." Mallory sighed. 

"Hold on," Duo grinned. "Let's hear him out. So, what is it this time? Riches? Power? Immortality?"

"Something better." Q grinned. "Something much better."

A few minutes later, a pizza appeared on the table in front of them.

"You're right." Duo grinned. "That *is* something much better." he reached for it, but Quinn restrained him. "HEY!" he protested.

"I don't trust him." Quinn warned. "This could be like that old myth where the girl had to live in Hell for seven months every year because she ate those seeds."

Duo grabbed a slice of pizza. "I'm a fighter pilot. I've killed more enemy pilots than you can shake a stick at so I'm already going to Hell. So, I've got nothing to lose." he cheerfully took a bite, then looked up. "And by the way, I hope you're not thinking of using pizza to impregnate me with some alien demon's child. I can think of much better ways for you to do that."

"I don't think your boyfriend wants to share."

"Damned right, I don't." Heero said as he finally arrived at the table.

"What kept you?" Duo asked.

Heero shrugged and sat down across from him.

"No kiss?" Duo asked, pleadingly.

"Hn...."

-----TBC-----