Excitement, Adventure, and Really Wild Sex (a Gundam Wing/Hitchhiker's Guide crossover)

-----part 1-----

"Zaphod."

Zaphod groaned and sat up, immediately sorry that he had. //Oh gods...// he moaned. //there's nothing worse than a double-hangover.// He wandered onto the bridge of the Heart of Gold and flopped into a seat, putting his feet on the console. Trillian pushed them off before he could kick something important and he glared at her. "Yeah, Trillian? What now?"

"You remember when you asked if we'd pick up random passenger a lot with this thing?" she swept her hand around to indicate the ship they were on.

"Vaguely." Zaphod looked up at her. "Don't tell me we got new ones."

"Two more."

"Always in pairs." Zaphod sighed. "Who are they?"

"I don't know." Trillian replied. "One of them I think is an American, though I can't pinpoint the accent exactly. He looks like a priest, though he's a bit young and he sure as hell doesn't act like one. The other one is Japanese."

Zaphod brought up the monitor and turned up the volume.

"...is gonna be great! I bet they're really neat, Heero!" The American boy was saying. "Just wait! You'll see. I bet one of them even has two heads or something."

Zaphod chuckled. "He's right. Good guesser."

"Duo no baka." the Japanese boy replied. "Omae o sekkusu."

Duo was about to counter when he realized that Heero hadn't said what he usually said. "Wha...?"

"Two... one... we have normality."

"Omae o korosu." Heero said, darkly.

"That's *not* what you said two seconds ago, Heero." Duo smiled. "I hope your offer still stands, Heero. I'm getting really tired of being a virgin."

"So, why not offer yourself to a few of your old street pals?" Heero wanted to take it back the minute it was out, but it was too late. //Heero no baka.//

Duo slapped him and took off. In moments he ran onto the bridge of the vessel they now found themselves on.

"Good guess on the head count, kid." Zaphod greeted him.

Duo stopped short. "What the...?!"

"...fuck?" Zaphod finished, double-grinning.

"No thanks," Duo smiled. "Saving myself."

"For that jerk?" Zaphod asked, "You're wasted on him. Pearls before swine. You can do better."

"Zaphod?" Trillian asked. "Are you...?"

"Bisexual?" Zaphod nodded. "Of course. I mean, why limit myself, right?" he winked at Duo.

"Look, I'd rather not be someone's sex toy." Duo pointed out.

Zaphod strolled over to Duo and wrapped all three arms around him. "Of course not." he said, massaging Duo's shoulders with two of his arms.

It felt so good that Duo was moaning in seconds, resting his head back against Zaphod's broad chest, eyes closed, in a very relaxed manner.

Zaphod smiled and slipped his third hand down into Duo's pants, moving closer and closer to his untouched member.

Duo pulled free and spun around, glaring at Zaphod.

"I said, I'm saving myself." he snarled as Heero walked onto the bridge, looking very apologetic.

"See, Heero! He does have two heads!" Duo pointed out triumphantly.

"Yeah, yeah." Heero sighed. He'd never hear the end of this now. "Duo, I'm sorry. That was a horrible thing for me to say."

"It hurt my feelings, Heero." Duo nodded. "But I forgive you. You're only human after all."

"We all are." Heero replied, then looked at Zaphod. "Present company excepted." he disclaimed.

"Drinks?" Trillian offered. "I'm Trillian by the way."

"And I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox." Zaphod said, in his steal-the-scene manner.

"Heero Yuy." Heero nodded.

"Duo Maxwell!" Duo skillfully upstaged Zaphod without even trying. "I run, I hide, but I never lie! Duo Maxwell!" He took one of the drinks and sipped it. "Wow!" he grinned. "Not bad. What is this?"

"Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster." Zaphod replied. "Invented it myself."

-----part 2-----

Duo slipped out of his clothes crawled into bed with Heero that evening, sighing contentedly as he climbed on top of Heero, nuzzling and purring in a kittenish manner. "Make love to me." he whispered. "Please? Pretty please?"

"You're drunk." Heero said, sounding more angry than he meant to as he pushed Duo off of himself. "I don't want you now." That came out wrong. //Why do I always say the wrong thing?// Heero thought in anguish as he saw the look in Duo's eyes.

The braided boy looked like he'd been slapped in the face with a gauntlet.

"Duo, " Heero began as Duo stood up and began to pull on his clothes. The braided pilot looked hurt and embarrassed. "I meant..."

"You've said enough, Heero." Duo said as he walked out.

//But I didn't mean it that way.// Heero sighed.

Duo knocked on Zaphod's door.

"Come." Zaphod invited.

Duo walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. "He rejected me." he said. "I must be ugly. I am, aren't I?"

"Nah. You're the cutest talking monkey I ever saw."

"You prefer the Darwinian Theorem, then?"

"I take it you're a creationist?" Zaphod grinned. "I should let you borrow that book I have around here..." he fished it out and handed it to Duo.

"The Deity Omnibus...." Duo read, thoughtfully. " Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, Who Is This God Person Anyway, and Well That Just About Wraps It Up For God." Duo chuckled. "Interesting subject matter." he decided, setting the book aside for now. "But I didn't come to debate Darwin vs God."

"You do believe God created the human race though?"

"Most of it."

"Most of it?" Zaphod asked.

"I was created by Shinigami." Duo explained. He removed his shirt as Zaphod went to his side and began the same massage he'd begun on the bridge. This time Duo did not pull away and soon the third hand was stroking his member, making it hard as Zaphod's other two hands removed Duo's pants and unzipped his own. "Please, be gentle." he whispered as Zaphod bent him over the waist-high dresser.

Zaphod parted Duo's ass cheeks with two of his hands while using the fingers on his third hand to apply lubricant inside of Duo and to stretch him a little. One of Zaphod's two mouths nibbled on one of Duo's ears while the other spoke sweetly to him, praising him.

Duo watched in the mirror, his eyes widening as Zaphod pulled his underwear off. One of the two revealed members was stiff and erect while the other hung limply beside it. He wondered if it as always like that or if it would grow erect while Zaphod was having sex with him.

"Are you ready?" Zaphod asked, rubbing the tip of his erect member against Duo's opening.

Duo pushed back a little, needing Zaphod inside him.

Zaphod place two hands upon Duo's shoulders and pushed into him, reaching down with his third member to stroke and fondle Duo's erection. He made love to Duo until his first erection was twitching and coming deep inside him. Then he pulled it out and pushed his now-erect second member into Duo and resumed thrusting and stroking until Duo was crying out in passion and releasing his seed onto Zaphod' hand even as Zaphod unleashed his second ejaculation into Duo's trembling body.

Heero stood in the door. He'd been looking for Duo, to apologize and had found him just as Duo and Zaphod were both coming.

//Heero no baka," he thought to himself //you've lost him.//

-----part 3-----

Duo came to the next morning, curled up in strong arms. His head was spinning as he tried to remember everything that had happened the night before. He'd had a fight with Heero and...

The two-headed alien, Zaphod, still had one erection thrust deep into him which he barely noticed until it twitched and came inside him, adding more semen to the amount Zaphod had been pumping into him, probably all night long. Without waking, Zaphod withdrew his softening member from Duo's body and pushed the reawakening one in.

//Gimme a break// Duo thought as he tried to pull free of Zaphod's grip. //Sleepfucking?!// After a few thrusts, he gave into the incredibly erotic sensations Zaphod's strange caresses were causing him. //Duo Maxwell: Alien Fuck-toy.// he thought to himself, chuckling softly, the soft laughter soon turning to sighs of pleasure. 

Zaphod kept at it for almost a week before his lust was sated. Night and day, he made love to Duo while Heero watched in secret.

Heero wondered how much more of this Duo could take. The boy seemed insatiable. "he'll probably start using overly long passwords for his Gundam that end in 'gogogoch' (1) next."

Zaphod climbed out of bed, more like staggered out, and caught sight of Heero. "You'd better take over for a while." he suggested. He cast a quick look at the bed with his right-hand head. "He's still horny."

Duo was moaning and yowling like a cat-a-mount in heat.

Heero went over to him and pulled him into his arms.

Duo glared at him and curled up, revealing his inner thighs which were sticky with the alien's semen.

"Duo," Heero told him, becoming rapidly aroused by the site of Duo's glistening body, "when I said 'I don't want you now' I mean I didn't want to have sex with you when you were drunk." he kissed Duo and looked, pleadingly, into Duo's eyes. "I didn't mean that I didn't want you anymore. Oh, Duo...please?"

Duo looked into Heero's eyes and saw that the boy was being sincere. Heero really did still love him. And he'd just hurt the other boy in the worst way he could think of. //I'll just have to make it up to him.// he thought as he pulled down Heero's spandex shorts and took the Perfect Soldier's erection into his mouth.//

Heero tried to hold back, but Duo's mouth worked his erection insistently. He looked down at Duo and saw the look of determination in the braided boy's eyes. //If he wants me to come in his mouth, then I will.// he decided as he let himself ejaculate.

Duo swallowed every drop he could, then licked a droplet off his lips.

Heero drew Duo into an embrace so they were lying side by side, then kissed Duo. He could taste himself upon Duo's lips and he wondered what Duo would taste like. Trailing kisses down Duo's super-aroused body, he clamped his lips down around the tip of Duo's rock hard erection. Duo gasped, but did not come right away. Heero sucked more insistently, but Duo still did not come. Smiling, Heero moved away just enough to move Duo to his knees. Then, he rubbed himself against Duo until Duo began to thrust back onto him. Reaching around, he began to fondle Duo, just as Zaphod had done, until Duo was crying out in pleasure and coming all over Heero's hands.

Heero licked the warm, sticky fluid from his fingers, smiling wickedly as he he came into Duo.

"I'm sorry." Duo whispered, softly.

"Me, too." Heero replied. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Heero." Duo said as he drifted off to sleep, finally sated.

-----Owari-----

Notes: 'gogogoch' is a very shortened variant of the passcode from the movie "Barbarella."