Jawaharlal Nehru Technological University
Anantapur, AP 515002 India
Graffiti
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College Canteen
Photo Courtesy: Vidya Sagar Murthy '00 ME
College Library
Photo Courtesy: Vidya Sagar Murthy '00 ME
Gabbar Software
Gabbar sends Kaalia and his other two colleagues to Ramghad for
collecting the 'loot-maar' software which he ordered.
They reach Ramgad and start shouting: 'Abe ho thakur!! Baahar nikal.
Kahaan hai wo loot-maar software jo hamne order kiye the?'.
Dhaniya, an old man comes out with a floppy in his hand.
Kaalia - 'Kya laaye ho dhaniya'
Dhaniya - 'Financial Accounting software hai sarkar'
Kaalia - 'Suwwar ke bacche! Ye bekar software hamare liye
banaya aur woh loot-maar software
kya apni beti ke baratiyon ke liye zip file mein chuppa rakha hai? Haraam zada!'
Thakur comes out of his house with anger, saying 'Chillao math kaalia!!
Jaakar gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walo ne paagal kutton ke
liye software banana bund kar diya hai'
Kaalia- 'Bahut garmi dikha rahe ho thakur. Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya'
Thakur - 'Nazar utha kar dekh Kaalia tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai'.
Kaalia lifts his head. He sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one water tank
and Jay (Amitabh) on another water tank. Kaalia starts
laughing and says
'Haa Haa...Ye log programming karenge thakur. Haa haa..
inko tho DOS commands bhi nahin aate.
Suno ramgad ke vasiyon, thakur ne hijdon ki software company banayi hai'
Veeru shouts - 'Chup chap chala ja kaalia, ham log consultants hain, kuch bhi kar sakte hai'
Jay hits some commands on his keyboard. Then says 'Jao kaalia gabbar
se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya'
Kaalia - 'Jaata hoon thakur. Agar gabbar ko pata chala ki Thakur Software services
walon ne uska loot-maar software nahin banaya tho wo poore network mein virus daal dega'
At the GABBAR's den..
Gabbar: Kittnay bugs thay?
Kaalia: Do sarkaar.
Gabbar: Woh do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhee fix nahin kar sake? Kya soch kay aaye thay?
Gabbar bahut khus hoga? Naya assignment dega, kyoon? Iski saja milegi.. Barobar milegi!
[ Snatches an X terminal from a guy.]
Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?
Guy: Chhay Sarkaar.
Gabbar: Session chhay aur programmer teen. Bahoot nainsaafi hai.
[logout.. logout.. logout...]
Haan.. ab theek hai... Ab tera kyaa hoga kaalia?
Kaalia: Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha sarkar?
Gabbar: Tho ab documentation likh !!! [LOGOUT.....!!]
Ajeeth
Mickey Mouse: Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan padhnee hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do
Raabert: yeh kyon baas?
Ajeet: Taaki yeh "waal-mickey" (Valmiki) kehlaygaa aur
usse
Ramayan apne aap samazh me ayegee!
Scene: Ajit murders a man.
Ajeet: Raabert, Is aadmi ko Hero Honda ki tank mein dal do.
Raabert: kyon baas?
Ajeet: Fill it, shut it, fhaarget it!
Boss: Raabert!
Rab: Yes, bass?
Boss: Yeh "bus" mei kuch hawa daal do.
Rab: Lekin, kyon bass?
Boss: Yeh bus "Airbus" ban jayega.
Robert: boss, China se Mr. Hu aayen hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko
hasaayenge.
Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona da..arrling's typing.
Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert: Magar kyoon baas?
Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajeet: Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur
debugger starrt kar do.
Raabert: Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Raabert: Yes Boss.
Ajeet: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa
hamare kabze mein hai .......
Scene: Ajeet comes to know about the traitor in his gang.
Ajeet: Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal dho, agar Shame se nahi
mara tho Pain se mar jayega.
Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
Ajeet: Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do.
Timer ko teek das bajhe set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala tho
sub cheez
hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye.
Timer ko panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert,
Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh math
rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb
'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup'
karke dhatakega.
Tum agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"
Ajeet: Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi jayega
Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jhyahda pasand hein boss?
Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Peter: Boss? Sona kahan hei?
Ajeet: Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke
saath sona!
Scene: Ajeet spots one of his ace enemies...
Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai,
woh hamara mehman hai. Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee
gadhi pahna do...
phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ban jayega !
Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter...
Ajeet: Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon
ke paar door Birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale
rang ki sioorlett (Chevrolett) nazar aayegi. Wo tumhe signal
degaa on..off..on..off
Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...
Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise
jeene nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.
Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Peter! Is saale ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus
mein ticket dete-dete thak jayega.
Peter: Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !
Robert: aur boss..iska kya karen ?
Ajeet: Isey hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not
to be !
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega
aur finish bhi aa jaayegi.
Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padega!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo.
Saale ko Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat.
The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside.
Raabert is perplexed !
Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do, aur, ek hole me IN aur
doosre me OUT lik dho. Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur
doosre se bahar chale jayega !!
Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
Ajeet: Shanker, kal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala
hain.....
A pause.....
Tum chootti le lo.
Scene: Raabert had twins and comes to the "Boss".....
Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye..
Ajeet : Ek ka naam rakho Peter....
Raabert: boss aur doosre ka ?
Ajeet: Repeater.
Scene: Raabert had triplets and comes to the "Boss".....
Raabert: Boss, mera teen bachche ka keya naam shoche hein aap?
Ajeet: Yeh naam rakhkho - Peter, Repeater aur Wang Chung.
Raabert: Teesra ka naam "Wang Chung" kyon boss???!!!
Ajeet: Beokuf, tumhe malum nehi...is prithwi me paida hone waalaa har teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, is bayil kaa stool test karo.
Raabert: Stool, boss ?
Ajeet: Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.
Scene: Ajeet get's hold of his favourite enemy & then directs his chela.
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan
aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet go for shikar...
Raabert spots a peacock..
Raabert: Boss....more.. more...
Ajeet picks up the gun, shoots it, and says... Nomore !
Robert: Bass is gaddar ka kya karen ?
Ajeet : ise sui chubho chubho kar maar daalo...
pulees samjhegi sui-cide hua hai.
Peter: bass yeh aadmi to kuchh boal hee nahin rahaa...
Ajeet: Ise revolving chair pe bitha do, pataa to lage chakkar kya hai.
Ajeet: Mona, tum Toni se shaadi mat karnaa, bahut mona-toni ho
jaegi.
Ajeet: Raabert, dayna (Diana) ko kuch khatta pila do.
Robert: kyu boss ?
Ajeet: Bewkoof, woh dayna se daynasour ho jayegi, phir extinct kar dena aasaan hai.
A young soldier and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains
of Switzerland. They could only find a place to sit on two seats right across the aisle
from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested
in each other because they are giving each other "looks."
Soon the train passes through a tunnel and it gets pitch dark. And suddenly there is a
sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to
kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is sitting there thinking: "I didn't know the young soldier was
brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped."
The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I'm glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my
grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young soldier sat there with a satisfied smile on his face.
He thought to himself: "Life is good. When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a
beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time!??"
Hubby: "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"
Wife: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and
the problem disappears."
Hubby: "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Wife: "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be
greater than this one ?"
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your
burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up
my seat to a lady.
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap!!"
A newly married man asked his wife, " Would u have married me if my father hadn't left
me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married u NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Father to son after the exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
AN elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist: "Paint me with diamond ear-rings, a diamond necklace, emerald
bracelets, a ruby broach and a gold Rolex."
The confused artist: "But you're not wearing any of those things."
"I know," she said. "But if I die before my husband, I'm sure my husband will remarry.
And I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery."
Computer Shayari
Arz kiya hai ...
Kal jab mile thhe
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain
your file not found!
Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...
Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...
Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
no more disk space.
Ghar se jab tum nikale
Pehenke Woh Reshmi Gown
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya server down.
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