We made it final today
I gave you all I had you made your get away
All the love we once made, turned to memories today
I left the courtroom and went straight to the church
I hit my knees and told God how much I hurt
Nothin' left of my heart, it's gonna be so hard to make a new start
John pulled the collar of his leather coat tighter to his face. The wind bit into him with a severe harshness that he'd not felt in quite sometime. Seemed fitting for him to feel this way. The end of his marriage was just weeks away, and his soul was beginning to crumble inside of him.
He'd finally come to terms with his past and all the destruction he had been the instigator of. All the violence that had once consumed his very soul, all the hate that ate away at his being. He hated the fact that he'd gone after all of this, and what it had done to his life and above all, his wife.
She had asked him, no begged him not to go and dig into his past. Something had spoken to her and told her that this was all wrong. Time after time, she had spoken to him, only to have his inquiring mind turn away from her. Finally, she had all she could and had to stop it all before it stopped her.
She'd made him leave the penthouse, not really sure of what she was doing. He had begged her and pleaded with her to work it out, anything to make it better. Her eyes had become void of the fire and passion that once filled them. His heart sank as he realized he'd broken her and now, he didn't know how to fix her. She'd run up the stairs, leaving him to go in silence.
Then, came the call to meet her attorney at the courthouse, the final nail in a coffin he'd built himself into. Now, he was alone. Walking around in the freezing cold, oblivious to the mist that pelted him like thousands of tiny shards, he prayed for some sort of sign, some devine presence.
St. Luke's window's painted a warm glow in the dreary night. It's warm glow wrapped around John like a down quilt. Coming to the doors, he closed his eyes and drew in a large breath. Taking the strength from his Lord, he drew the doors open and stepped inside.
The candles flickered in the dark room; John genuflected, finding it hard to return to his feet to talk with God. Tears burned in his eyes, his face flushed crimson with embarrassment for what he'd done. Kneeling down, he bowed his head, afraid to look up and feel the shame that had washed over him the minute he had walked into the sanctuary.
Finally, he raised his head toward the giant stained glass window that took residence in the front. It calmed him somehow and soothed his soul slightly. Tears began to travel down his face, his chin trembled with emotion. Somehow, John began to speak through the tears that choked in his throat.
"Dear Lord, I know I have come to you many... many times. I have been so blessed by you and everything you do for me." John clasped his hands tighter together and brought them to his forehead. "Lord, I... I just don't know how to fix this! I am at a loss here. I can't be without her. I know you made us for each other. I know we have done things that are not right, and we are not perfect by any means. I am here to say, if you will give me another chance..." John's eyes flowed with tears and his hands began to lose circulation from the grip they had on each other. "Another chance. How many chances can I ask for? Lord I need her and my heart will never be the same again if I lose her. If I get another chance, I swear I will never take another moment for granted. I will never go into my past again, if she doesn't want me too. I will do all I can to make this right!"
John's knees sank further and his body collapsed onto his heels. Crying like he had never before, John knew it was all in God's hands now, and if it was in His will then his Marlena would be back with him.
Cause today, my world slipped away
We buried the plans that we made
And tonight I'm alone and afraid
Cause today, my world slipped away
Marlena walked down the steps of her home away from her bedroom. Her once regal and elegant stance had been replaced with a dejected and slumped walk. Her face was drowned in tears that seemed to never end from her eyes.
Her fingernails dug into her palm, clasping the garnet necklace that John had given her not too long ago. Reaching the end of the stairs, she crumpled to the floor. Her body shook with the great cries that ravaged her body and soul. Never in her wildest nightmares did this happen, never did she let John go. Now, she was alone. She'd been alone before and made it through, but now was a completely different thing.
She hadn't wanted to be without him, but she'd asked him so many times and he'd only ignored her. Some other force had taken him over and now, she was paying the piper. She didn't know how to exist without him. She didn't want a life without him, but how could she be with him when he didn't want to be a team. Her hands drifted through her hair and clasped at the back of her neck, forcing her eyes heavenward. Tears seeped out of the corners of her eyes.
"What happened? What did I do? My life is nothing without him!" Her mouth quivered and a sob escaped her lips and was swallowed by the night air that clung to the house. The necklace untangled from her fingers and went sliding to the floor, where it remained unseen.
All my friends say I'll make it all right
I'll recover and start a new life
But that'll be so hard to do
cause livin' ain't worth livin'
without you
The night had eased it's grip on the day and the sun was beginning it's journey heaven ward. Marlena awoke on the couch, her body gripped in a vice of numbness and stiffness. Her eyes had bore the brunt of tears that had made their way out of her eyes last night. Her mind had played many a scenario in her dreams last night, none of them ending the way they had in real life.
She pulled herself up and buried her head in her hands, wanting reality to be the dream. Through out all of the mess, she tried to believe all the things her friends and family had said... "You can't stay like this forever Marlena." "You've got to go on with your life." "You have children, you have a job." "You have to stay strong." Marlena tried to psych herself up with all of their encouraging words, but her heart still ached too much. "Who are you kidding?" She fell back to the sofa, the tears making a return performance.
Cause today, my world slipped away
we buried the plans that we made
And tonight I'm alone and afraid
Cause today, my world slipped away
Cause today, my world slipped away
John awoke as the morning sun crawled it's way through his curtains. Feeling the pounding in his head, he knew that last night had been a reality and this was no hangover ache, it was the most intense hurt that seeped through his body. Marlena was his life, his very reason for being. His eyes instinctively roamed until they fell upon the picture of them he'd brought with him from the penthouse. They were so happy, so much in love. All the things they had wanted to do, all the dreams for the future had been snuffed out like a match. "It's all my fault. How could I do this to her, to us?" John felt his life crumbling on the foundation that he had built with his beloved Marlena. Would they ever be able to get back to where they once were? Or was this the end, and the world as they knew it just a memory.