Simply put: from this day on, Tuesday November 12th 2002, they're being listed. And pictures, too... Just for shits and giggles...
oh, Jess #1=Ezzo... just to let all of you non...pack... people... out there know.
to you people!
and remember: Chuck loves you.
Michelle: Do you have a queen?
Jess #2: A queen?
Michelle: A queen.
Jess #1: (online) do you have a queen? (mind you... a few days after the queen thing...)
Michelle: .....ah...no.....go....fishing?
Caitlyn: Jess - ready to go?
Jess #1: R-rabbits...?
Jess #1: (to Caitlyn) You know one of the ingredients of Jell-O is horse hooves?
Caitlyn: Oh really...(disgusted look)
(Later, at Chinese restaurant)
Caitlyn: (accidentally drops glob of Jell-O into Ranch dressing)Look! The horse is in the ranch!
Jess: (laughs for ten minutes straight)
Michelle's mom: (pleasant cheerful voice) Only mommy can use the F-word Chellie!
Holly: ::grabs pen out of Dana's hand::
Dana: No! please! don't take my pen! It's dying! I wanna be there when it dies!
(Jess and Caitlyn are tossing tennis ball back and forth across hotel beds in Virginia Beach. Caitlyn's mom reachs to catch it but misses)
Caitlyn's mom: My longs aren't arm enough!
Caitlyn:... and I also found out that he [referring to Keo. Matchu Wok worker] was in prison. (pause) KEEPER!
Caitlyn: He [referring to Saruman] wants to whisper sweet wizardly nothings in your ear.
Dana: ::points:: LOOK! An eagle!
Jess #1: Uh, poopie, that's... a streetlight...
Chantel: Jess! Have you seen ...it...?
Jess #2: Oh no! I'm terrified of clowns!
Chantel: I loooooove yooooouuuu Legoooolaaaas!!
Legolas on tv: There is a foul voice on the air!
Caitlyn: ::do you have a qu-:: :starts coughing for 2 minutes straight::
Jess #1: ::laughing hysterically::
Jess #1: There you are, dying on the other end... and I'm laughing at you...
Caitlyn: er -- thanks
Jess #1: Yeah watch... we're 80 years old and you start to actually have a heart attack and I point and laugh at you... of course, when I actually realize you were dying I'd call 911...
Caitlyn: Yeah then we'll look back on it and it will still think it's funny...
Jess #1: Yeah we'll both be in heaven, and we'll be talking, and I'll say "remember that time you died and I was laughing hysterically?"
Jess #1: No seriously, she was a such a stupid teacher [Mrs. Badame, my 8th grade science teacher] ... and she had this thing called the "atom dance"...
Caitlyn: An atom dance?
Jess #1: Yeah, remind me to show it to you...
Caitlyn: I'll ask him.
Jess #1: Him?
Caitlyn: Wait... what? yeah...
Jess #1: Uhm... him who?
Caitlyn: Him... Adam....him? [referring to a senior named Adam that goes to her school she met through a friend]
Jess #1: hahaha........ Nooo, a science atom....
Caitlyn: OHH!!! ATOM!!! I THOUGHT YOU MEANT ADAM!!! DANA'S GOOD FRIEND WITH GOATS!
Chantel: (imitating Galadriel) a han noston ne 'wilith. I smell it in the air. Oh, no, nevermind, that's just Arwen...
Caitlyn: I love Bean! [referring to Sean Bean]
Michelle: I have a bean in my garage!
Chantel, Michelle, Jess #1: Really?! OMG!
::all run into the garage and take a picture under the chili bean hung on the wall::
(Jess #1 and Caitlyn watching LOTR)
Arwen: why do you fear the past?
Caitlyn: ::walks into room and sits down:: Because you're in it.
(Dana, talking about sideburns as her, Caitlyn, Holly, and Michelle walk down the hall)
Caitlyn: My god! Are you going to write a book??
Holly: Yea, sideburns 101
Caitlyn: Sideburns for Dummies!
(Caitlyn bought a cup that had the illusion that it had water in it, yanno... the kind that has a layer that holds the water)
Caitlyn: Here Jess, have some water!
Jess #2: Puts cup to lips and tilts. /pause/ (looks confusidly at cup and tries the same again)
Jess #2: YANNO WHAT!
Caitlyn: So what do you want for breakfast?
Jess #1: Um... yeah... sure... ok...
Michelle B: (talking about Sammy, a foreign guy that works at noco she occasionally prank calls)
Jess #1: I'm gonna call him.
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Sammy: Noco ..... hallo?
Jess: Do you know the muffin man?
Sammy: da muffan MAN?!
Jess: YEAH! The muffin man... who lives on mulberry lane?
Sammy: yes... you... want leave message?
Jess: for the muffin man?
Sammy: OKAY! ::puts on message thing::
Jess: MUFFIN MAAAAN! CALL ME!!! ::hangs up::
Michelle B: What'd you get on the lab?
Jess #1: A zero. grrr.
Michelle B: ::writes a 1 in front of the red zero with dark blue pen::
Mrs. Badame: ::walks by, recording grades:: okay... Ezzo... 10 out of 10...
Caitlyn: ugh my god! i have this huge cramp in my breast...
Chantel: my brother gets those all the time... I MEAN
(Chantel and Caitlyn talking about something...)
Kate S: What about Mrs. Push [7th grade lesbian gym teacher] being you love cow?
(Chantel hands Katrina a drawing of Aragorn and Trianna ... erm... kissing)
Katrina: Oh my god! You guys are going to kill me...but I thought that was a picture of Aragorn kissing Logolas!
(everyone in the room watching The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert for the first time)
Caitlyn: Is that Hugo? He has nice legs!
(At Amvets)
Jess #1: ::points at pin of a fake diamond donkey:: That's a nice ass.
Caitlyn: That is definitly a nice ass!
Chantel: I want that ass!
Cashier person: What are you girls laughing at?
Jess #1: Oh, I was just admiring your ass.
Jess #1: (at the galleria in George&Co) ::picks up a plastic axe:: Then what are we waiting for? ::swings axe, top comes off and goes flying::
Celebrating Viggo's 44th birthday! Aragorn cuts the cake... I wonder what he's wishing for...?
Jess #1 and Caitlyn: Two letters, picked randomly out of an alphabet of-
Jess #1: Twenty four ... - I MEAN
Caitlyn: Twenty six... WOW, wow, Jess... wow...
Chantel: Yeah, and Caitlyn said that DeNiro's breast-er HAHAHAHA
Jess #1: Robert DeNiro has a breast!!!
Michelle B: All of a sudden all goes black and I fall over, a minute later I wake up and I'm like ...ya
Caitlyn: You mean... he quit? Keo quit! That sonofabitch! HE QUIT!
(a few minutes later)
...No more free food?
Caitlyn: Lets cut the picture out...
::Michelle cuts picture out of popcorn bag, hand to Caitlyn::
::Caitlyn cuts Arwen out of the picture and lights it on fire::
Jess #1: "TAKE IT! YOU MUST TAKE IT!"
C: "You cannot offer me this pretzel."
Jess #1: "I'M GIVING IT TO YOU!"
C: "Don't... tempt me, Jess! I dare not take it. Not even to finish them off. Understand, Jess, I would eat this pretzel from a desire to eat the last utz pretzel, but through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine."
Jess #1: "But it cannot stay in Lancaster!"
C: "No... no, it can't."
Jess #1: "What must I do?"
C: "You must leave and leave quickly."
Jess #1: "Where? Where do I go?"
C: "Get out of Lancaster... Head for the village of Depew."
Jess #1: "Depew. What about you...?"
C: I'll be waiting there, at the Inn of the Fireside.
Jess #1: "The pretzel will be safe there?"
C: "I don't know. I don't have any answers, Jess. I must see the head of my order. He is both wise and powerful. Trust me, Jess, he will know what to do. Travel only by day... and stay off Transit road."
Jess #1: "I can cut across blocks easily enough..."
::puts pretzel in pants pocket::
Amy's sister: *pokes boyfriend while seeing TTT* Who's Gondor?
Her boyfriend: Uh... Gondor is a place...
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Michelle's Christmas Pack Party
Chantal: (sneezes)
(paper ball goes flying from other side of head)
Jess: (laughs hysterically) Oh my god, you have no clue how stupid that looked...
Jess #1: (opens door coming out of bathroom)
Caitlyn: (standing there with sword up with very strained serious face, "I'm a cucumber" playing in the background on Michelle's computer)
Michelle: Falls to knees, baby pees.
Jess #2: Shaaa... rimp?
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Michelle B: I can't... find my bus!
Caitlyn: YES! American cheese!!!
Jess #1: Hm, they mentioned that in the book!
Caitlyn: Good, Jess.
Caitlyn: AW CRAP!!! I missed the winter solstice!
Caitlyn: Yeah! We should have a party for the spring equinox!
(During film credits of The Two Towers)
(Elijah Wood's name appears on screen) Michelle: Yay!
(Ian McKellan's name) All: Go Ian!
(Liv Tyler's name) Caitlyn: DIE!
(Jess comes back into IM)
Caitlyn: Have fun?
Jess #1: Um...no...the door just kind of...backfired on me...
(Jess #1 is lying on floor trying to grab something Michelle threw at her)
Jess #1: My long isn't that arm!
(Caitlyn is sitting quietly on other end of phone)
Caitlyn: I just made a snail out of a twist-tie!
(Jess #1 while watching The Two Towers, Gandalf turns his head)
Jess #1: Oh my god, does he have a twist tie in his hair?!
Jess #1: ::opens mouth to say something while reaching hands out to attack Caitlyn::...::snorts loudly::
Pippin: Wait! Turn around, take us south.
Treebeard: South? But that will lead you past Isenguard.
Pippin: I know. If we go south, we can slip past Saruman unnoticed. The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm. It's the last thing he'll expect.
Jess #1: Pippin wants a cookie!
(staying after school for science help)
Jess #1: Crap, I don't have a pen. Do you have a pen, Michelle?
Michelle B: Suuuure. *hands pen to Jess*
Jess #1: Thanks Michelle, you're a real pal.
Michelle: I'm your pen pal.
Michelle: Baking soda rhymes with Yoda.
Jess #1: (watching Forrest Gump, the part where he runs clear across the US) He looks like a dwarf.
Caitlyn: Heh, yeah, "...We dwarves are naTural sprint-ers......."
Michelle B: Gandalf is break dancing! Woooah, break dancing wizard...
Michelle B: (her first reaction to Lurtz) Can you smell... what the rock is cookin?!?
(Michelle walks over to the stairs with the mysterious unidentified metal things....)
Michelle: Look! The Celtic war weapons!
Katie: They look like cups.
Jess #1: Okay, the Celtic Cups!
Michelle: Did Celts wear cups?
Caitlyn: Hey, tomorrow spelled backwards is worr-oh-mot.
Jess #1: I think you should go downstairs and tell them that.
Caitlyn: *goes*
Jess #2: *coughs*
Caitlyn: *coughs*
Jess #1: *coughs*
All: *laugh*
Jess #1: Let's try to make a coughing circle! Okay, Jess, you go first, then me, then Caitlyn, okay? Start.
Jess #2: *coughs*
Jes #1 and Caitlyn: *cough*
Jess #1: No! You gotta wait for me! Try again, okay.
Jess #2: *coughs*
Jess #1 and Caitlyn: *cough*
Jess #1: NO! Okay, then you go right after Jess and I'll go after you. Heh, now watch you wait for me.
Jess #2: *coughs*
Caitlyn: *silent*
Jess #1: Argh! Never mind!
*later accomplish two circles of coughing*
Jess #1: There we go!
Caitlyn: Now that we've done something constructive we can go to sleep.
Caitlyn: *points to roll of paper towels on floor* What's that?
Michelle: I think it's my mom...
Caitlyn: Is Shanghai in China or Japan?
Jess #1: Ummm China. I wanna see Shanghai Knights. With Owen Wilson and that chinese guy... uhhh
Caitlyn: Jackie Chan?
Jess #1: Yeah, that guy...
Caitlyn: I didn't know Dorris Day was a singer! ...Who's Dorris Day?
Jess #1: A singer...
Amy: Oh, look! Here's The Man With The Golden Gun... next to... Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat... *snickers*
Jess #1: ANGRY FIST!!!!
Michelle B: Guess what?
Jess #1: ... what?
Michelle B: I'm having ty food today! And I don't even know what ty food is!
Jamie: Man yo clothes are wack!
Michelle B: That's cuz I got 'em from yo MAMA!
Michelle B: (shakes head back and fourth) Oh no you didn't just get up in mah face!
Caitlyn: We have a new band. We're the Lavanda mammals.
Chantel: (walks into $2 show theater) There's no one here? Wheeeeee! ::runs down to end, touches screen, falls to floor, lays there laughing)
Chantel: Hey Caitlyn - you should stand up and clap.
Caitlyn: (stands up, claps, goes to sit back down but misses seat)
(picture of Constantine flies out of Michelle's locker)
Jamie: (picks it up) Awwwww! It's Jesus!
Jess #2: Feel my leg! It's numb and freezing... it's all tender...
Caitlyn: *poke* It feels like... meat...
Jess #1: It feels like... chicken breast! tehehe! *poke* chicken breast!
Jess #1: Hey... Keo... rhymes with Neo...
Caitlyn: Oh did I tell you I'm in ... the chess club now?
(tells story)
Jess #1: Oh?? *hehe* All you have to do now is obsess over Star Trek and live in the 80's.
Caitlyn: What...?
Jess: Nevermind.
Jess #1: Brian, what are these? ::hands picture of Michelle holding the mysterious objects we found in her basement::
Brian: (looks at picture closely)
Jess: They're Celtic war weapons, aren't they?
Brian: Er... bicycle seats...?
Jess: They're Celtic war weapons.
Brian: Okay.
PARENTAL UNITS/FAMILY MEMBERS
Linda: (opens door)
Michelle: (comes running from other side of basement) MAKE OUT WITH ME!!
Linda: (scared, blank look, starts talking after a minute) Uh, an announcement: when you go to the bathroom, please turn the tiolet seat down... because the cats like to swim...
Sam and Jess' Dad: And Lord, thank you for our health...
Sam: *coughs*
Linda: (opens door)
Michelle: (comes running from other side of basement) MAKE OUT WITH ME!!
Linda: (scared, blank look, starts talking after a minute) Uh, an announcement: when you go to the bathroom, please turn the tiolet seat down... because the cats like to swim...
Jess #1's Aunt Deb: *rips open envolope* YES! I HAVE CREDIT! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *laughing fades into hallway* *door slams*
Michelle's mom: OK, I'm going to be gone for about a half hour... can all of you handle that?
*silence* *laughing*
Michelle's mom: Just... hang in there, no taking off clothes or anything...
Michelle: *starts to strip off shirt*
*more laughing erupts*
Brian: *sitting in the corner with confused expression laughing*
Caitlyn: MOM! Why do you have your cell phone? You must be one with nature...!
Gail: Well - sometimes nature calls...
(Jess #1 helping her cousin Ashley with a project)
Jess: [typing stuff in works cited]
Ashley: No! No, take the colon out of there, because my teacher is anal!
Jess: ::laughing hysterically::
Ashley: (realizes what she said)
MEXICO 2003