he said that he loved me, cared for me, we even made plans for certain realations.
But it all ended after a day of strolling down the La Jolla Strip.
The strange thing with realationships is that there is no sure thing...you can't make any permanent marks of affection, like spray painting both names together at a favorite hang out spot, or telling each other that you think that your relationship will last. It was differnet with with this one: I didn't scribble his name everywhere, put my first name with his last...I felt like that connection was already there...I didn't need to declare it to the entire world. It was there and I finally accepted it. I promised myself that if he asked me out again after I came home, that I would not say yes. I don't need the heartbreak again...I dont need the embarrassment from the friends who said that we would not make it, or the torment from my mom when she says that it's just a boyfriend. But she doesn't realize that teenagers can have real love too, that I am not just a young heartless soul that doesn't know where she's going. I have a plan, and he was included in it...but he didn't want to be a part of it and that is not such a bad thing...for him. I can always make a new plan, if I try hard enough...I think that I could have the will will power to make it through...my first idea was to play it off. I was going to act all depressed and milk as much affection from my friends as possible. But as I was writing this, my idea's changed...I am not going to act sad around my friends when it is my friends who will make me happy. I am not going to stop talking to friends of the stone-hearted sob who killed my hope for an a-okay mankind...
I am going to show my real emotions. If I feel happy one day, I am going to show it. If I feel sad, well then I will act like a real fourteen year old and I will cry...I will cry till my favorite song comes on the radio and then I will belt till my mom yells at me and I laugh then call my friends to cheer me up again and then I will go out with them and have fun...and I won't think of him.