Grifter & Tess

I'm not exactly sure how long I've known about Grifter & Tess... all I know is that while I was still in Port Alberni, as was Grifter, Tess had him tied up in knots. I remember sitting at the control booth, at the radio station, monitoring one of the Vancouver pro sports teams we were broadcasting, and Grifter talking to me after he had logged off from talking to Tess. I guess because we had the internet relationships in common, he felt like he could tell me what was going thru his head. I still miss those evenings... and I wonder if Tess is everything Grifter thinks she is. This interview will provide some clues, but Grifter is also being purposely vague on some answers... but then, I guess that's just how he is, too.

Question: You have a cyber-lover... describe her.
Grifter: First I would never describe her as my "cyber" -anything. To say "Cyber-lover" is demeaning to what her and I have I think. She is my lover, confidante, playmate, and best friend.My feelings are far too deep to keep that convinient "cyber" boundary.
As for Her she is witty, charming, utterly hilarious when she wants to be, and sexy as hell. She knows when it's time to fight hard and she doesn't hesitate knocking around someone who has it comming. She is strong, selfish at times, and knows herself and the place she fits into the world. She is a strong woman, she endures life's trials and doesn't hesitate to fight back when she needs to, using any means she has to. She is smart....make that brilliant....sometimes I stand back and my jaw drops out of awe when she says something. And she is caring, she protects the people she loves ferosciously and holds on to those that are dear to her.
She's the kind of woman you want to know, and if you are lucky enough she's the kind of woman you want to be loved by, but you don't want to piss her off......in short she's a Jersey Girl.=)

Question: Recently, you met her in real life. How did you reach the decision to meet her?
Grifter: Getting together in many cases is simply the next logical step, something that has to be done in order to find out if your relationship is real or as you put it "cyber". Most people make that step as a test, to see how much of what they are feeling is genuine emotion, and how much is projection of themselves upon a computer monitor.
With Tess and I it was different I think. Metting in person seemed to me like something that had to be done. It was neccessary for me to simply be with her. I felt drawn to her side. It was something I absolutely HAD to do. That's about the only way I can describe it.

Question: Where did you stay while you visited her?
Grifter: We stayed at a friend of hers' house in the Northwest of the United States. A small comfortable little house where we were given the chance to be together without judgement and the opportunity to explore our feelings for each other in a relaxed atmosphere where the rest of the world was put on hold. It snowed alot but they were, to that point, the happiest days of my life.

Question: How did the meeting go?
Grifter: Without going into extreme detail that would give away the entire plot to my upcomming novel entitled "Hide the Silverware: The Tess and Grifter saga", our getting togething was a lurid affair involving Illegal entry into the USA, A bottle of tequila, a mute chihuahua named Spike, a Motel 6, A large Gong, and an out of Body experience that forced me to reread the entire works of Carlos Castaneda upon my return home.
As fictional as all that sounds, it's all true......and I'm peddling the movie rights.*true story*

Question: You know I have to ask.... did you have sex with her?
Grifter: Yeah I expected this question.... Rolls his eyes....I guess itall depends on your frame of reference though. I mean are you asking if I had sex....or are you asking if I had SEX? Cause in a way it all depends on your frame of reference. Sex of course is an existential act in some ways, that not only makes for a sharing of our inner most being, but also draws us inexhorably closer together. It's a process whereby babies are made, worlds collide, lives are changed and hair gets messed up. It is sometimes passionate, sometimes rough-and-tumble, sometimes an expression of two people and sometimes inherently meaningless. At times when we "have sex" we are fufilling our purile desires or exploring our fantasies, other times it's a whole lot more than that, a union between two souls, that while a millenia apart share, if only for a moment the same mind and spirit.
We have to ask ourselves, why is it we have sex?..... is it Procreation?..... Recreation? .... neither?.... both? Am I getting off?.....Does my Partner have a nice ass? Are our crown chakra's alinged properly? Have I awakened my Kundalini Serpent or do I merely have a hard on? What should I have on the CD player while we make out? Barry White? DefLeppard? SnoopDoggyDog? These are all good questions.....as was yours, but I'm not answering it.....;)
(Ed. note: I think you just did... )

Question: Would you recommend to anyone else meeting their online lovers?
Grifter: This is a good question.....Yes I would, unless the entire context of your interaction is an internet one. Some Online romances are best kept online I think. Some people are living out a fantasy and their sharing and love is merely a reflection of that fantasy. Is your online lover someone you think about all the time....or is that person just someone who makes you want to flick on PowWow and trade dirty .wav Files? How much do you have in common?
We really need to think about why we are doing this "online love" thing sometimes. We need to look deeply and honestly at ourselves and why we connect to that other person. And if you really know that person, and can be reasonably sure that knowledge is true connection and not a reflection and projection of your own needs and desires, then by all means make the step and meet. Otherwise click on your favourite chat proggy and type with one hand till you turn blue.

Question: Do you have any practical suggestions for someone planning this type of meeting?
Grifter: Be Yourself, not only when you kiss for the first time, but in all your online interactions with that person. And be sure you know exactly who you are dealing with.
You need alot of time together online to get to know someone, it takes time to cut through the written word, and if you are constantly hiding behind a handle or "online personae" then you are bound for trouble. On the internet we can be anyone we want, and sometimes that person we create keeps us from really being known and I suggest that you have good intimate knowledge of your "online Lover" if your are going to meet.
Finally if your trust is anything less than absolute, meet on neutral ground......that's just smart in a world of sharks and marks.

Question: And finally... would you do this sort of thing again?
Grifter: Yes.

Tess's Turn

Well, you had to expect this... *grin* When Tess found out I interviewed Grifter, she asked to be interviewed in this section too. Now, keep in mind the only thing I knew of Tess before this interview was whatever Grifter had told me about her. Men in love can sometimes describe their new loves as the best thing since sliced bread. I guess Tess is a little more than that... *grin*

Question: You have a cyber-lover... describe him.
Tess: Actually, I don't have a cyber- lover.... *wouldn't know what to do with one*.....I have a best friend, a lover and a soul mate that I just happened to meet over the internet.....
That term reminds me of a conversation I had with someone once....he was telling me about his on-line ladyfriend, and trying to decide wether or not they should "commit" as cyber- lovers....I remarked that better he get himself "commited."..( to a mental institution)...He got real mad at me...*LOL* Oh well, if you can't take a joke, then perhaps chat world is not a good place for you.....
As for describing the Grifter, I hear Bonnie Raitt admonishing me in the background...."Woman be wise, keep your mouth shut, don't advertise your man..." So I'll skip the part about his warm skin, cool hands, and all those other incredibly attractive physical attributes that I discovered after the fact....that is, after I had already fallen in love with his higher mind *demure smile*.......and stick to the etheric , indefinable things that drew me to him in the first place.....like the way he misspells certain words....*no small turn-on*, and his sense of humor, which is about as evil as my own., or the way he knows what I'm thinking even before I do...*hmmmm*....Nah, I think I'd rather tell you how safe and protected he makes me feel, and how at the same time I feel fiercely protective of him.....ummmm, no wait......if I were to describe Grif I would have to take into consideration how much of his real self he'd want out there where everyone can see it....or how much I would want you to see...**keeping Bonnie's advice in mind**..so, nope..I won't describe him. I'd rather keep him all for myself......Selfish? maybe.....Smart? You bet....

Question: Recently, you met him in real life. How did you reach the decision to meet him?
Tess: How did I reach the decision? Good question..Of course I was a little afraid...not of him, but afraid that once we met, things would be different and we would lose what we had.....Talking with him had become the most important part of my life *along with my daughter*.....When you consider everything we had working against us in external circumstances, it's almost as if the decision was made outside ourselves, like something was pulling us together....
One night I had a dream that we were walking and holding hands in a place that looked like Colorado....and everything I am said "YES"....I told him about the dream, and that I knew somehow it was going to happen....and it did.
When we were together, we went for that walk, I looked around and when I saw the mountains in the background, I recognised the place from my dream ( I had the state wrong though.....It was the Cascades, not the Rockies)....
Life is a mystery , and sometimes it's best just to let it take you somewhere...

Question: Where did you stay while you visited him?
Tess: We stayed at a friend's house....and if I were to tell you about this friend you would think I was making it all up....You would say " What a liar that tess is! She's obviously not happy to live within the confines of ordinary reality....*tsktsk* such delusions..."..
So I'll spare the details...
But I will tell you that the people we stayed with made it possible for the both of us to have the happiest days of our lives so far...*until recently that is*

Question: How did the meeting go?
Tess: The meeting?....The meeting...hmmm...Well, OK, here goes: After a full day of flying, a rainstorm and a five hour drive, I found this guy I met on the Internet standing outside of a Denny's....neither of us really knew what to expect...we had both gone through some pretty extreme hardships to get where we wanted to be that day...
Then there was that first kiss......
And everything fell right into place...*that's all I'm gonna tell you*

Question: You know I have to ask.... did you have sex with him?
Tess: Did I have sex with him?!? *shocked expression* Right there in the Denny's parking lot?!? Is that what you meant?!? Well, I realize this is the kind of question that gets ratings so I'll play along :).....
I suppose I could say I'd already had sex without him, and so it seemed only fair....*LOL*..
A simple Yes or No answer seems too vague....and yet I'm vaguely tempted to talk about it, *despite Bonnie's chidings*....It would, however, would be unladylike.......: ) and selfish, in an abstract sort of way ....
I remember reading something once about how in Japan, people don't ever kiss on the street, or have Public Displays of Affection ( PDA's...heehehe)....and that this has less to do with prudishness than it does consideration for those people who might be lonely, or have lost someone they loved...
I have no idea wether or not this is true, but I thought it was a nice sentiment, and a clever way of evading the question.....

Question: Would you recommend to anyone else meeting their online lovers?
Tess: This is a tricky one....I've seen many on-line couples meet, fall in love and live happily after the fact since I've been on line, but I've also read some horror stories....So I wouldn't advise either way.
I would suggest you engage the person for about five months of steady communication before even considering it.....also, it helps to get to know the other person's friends and observe their relationships with them...*if possible*...but most importantly, you need a good handle on your own intuition*your gut feelings* in order to make a wise decision.....Not everyone is able to do this, so I would just say " Use your head"...

Question: Do you have any practical suggestions for someone planning this type of meeting?
Tess: Yup....first of all "Safety In Numbers"...in other words, in a public place, or with a group....Other than that, never base your self-worth on another person's opinion of you, meaning that if you respect, accept and care about yourself you have a better chance of a safe and happy meeting, even if the relationship turns out to be something other than you expected....which is not always a bad thing...
Oh, and never ignore those little red flags that show up from time to time, listen to that 'still small voice', it's there to keep you outta trouble...
Nag, nag, nag.......*L*

Question: And finally... would you do this sort of thing again?
Tess: ....Our first meeting was a once in a lifetime event.....as was the second one, so in fact I HAVE done it again.....and will keep doing it so long as he'll put up with me.... : )

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